Monday, January 19, 2015


my babies are all sick as dogs! JJ included. it doesn't seem to be the Death Flu that's been going around, but everyone is feeling lousy except me. congested and coughy and no sleep for anyone. Beau is whiney and doesn't want to be put down and Gemstorm is her usual wild self, only with 800x the amount of mucus. help me.

MEET the T-Rex Destroyer 5,000. Jeremy loves it because it can "handle the rough terrain in our neighborhood," Gemma loves it because she has easy access to Beau's eyeballs, Beau loves it because he's never been in a stroller before this weekend and he enjoys watching the world go by, and i love it because i'm all PEACE OUT TURDS, GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER ALONE. only that didn't really happen because Cleo hadn't been bathed in a month. so i ended up in the shower with the dog. 

when i'm taking pictures of the kids, i usually just press my thumb down 100 times and hope i get a good one. and every once in a while i capture something really profound. can't you just see the wheels turning in Gem's head?!?!?!?!?! (also, in case you were wondering, Gemma did NOT scratch Beau's face. phew. he scratched himself).

oh, Beau! you!

we got the book Ferdinand for Christmas from my aunt and it really is the sweetest little tale. a nice reminder to stop and smell the flowers. Gemma loves Ferdinand. HE'S A BULLLLLLL MOMMY. THAT'S A BOYCOW.

 this is like, the millionth picture i've posted where the couch is the background. hahahaaa we spend so much time here. it's the hub! this was a snapchat i sent. B's little quizzical face is just too good!

FaceTiming Daddy on Saturday while he was right outside cleaning the gutters. we were with him in spirit. we were also with him in spirit when he cleaned out the pantry after it collapsed on Friday. good man, that one.

our newest literature.

and also, how about those Seahawks?! ohmygosh! even i watched that game! it was pretty good! i'm a total bandwagon fan, i know i know, but it's fun that they're going to the Super Bowl again!! 

L out!

Friday, January 16, 2015

what's inside my brain

1. we got a new couch! a real, live adult couch you guys. we were still using the ones i had in college (which i weirdly still love and refused to get rid of so they are stashed in JJ's office for the time being, much to his delight). and we loooooove it! we bought it on Black Friday from West Elm and got a sweet deal! but before we purchased it JJ made me promise not to ever get mad if Gemma spills on it or Beau barfs on it, etc. usually i'm pretty good about remembering that promise. but just today, after we were testing out some new red lipstick, Gemstone got a red smear on it. and i was like MOTHERFU-- *deep breath* oh, Gemma. be a dear and please do not wipe your red lips on the new couch. anyway. it's wonderful. and there's a corner spot that is obviously mine and it's so cozy and perfect, i could (and would) stay there all day and never leave.


(slightly less staged)

2. this slo-mo vid of my sister's husband throwing Gemma into the air in the pool on our Christmas trip to Suncadia. i forgot her swimsuit so she is wearing the size 0-6 months swim trunks Santa brought for Beau. hahahaah


3. Beau's doppelgänger:

4. so i got these pair of socks like 2 years ago in my stocking from my mom and i love them so much. they are stretchy wool and they're so soft and snuggly and they're the only socks that keep my feet properly warm inside of rain boots. i covet them. and i tried earnestly to wear them sparingly so as not to make them threadbare too quickly. i was telling my sister CA this riveting information and she asked to see what they looked like. i showed her and she was like WHAT?! L! THOSE ARE FROM COSTCO! i was like SHUT UP NO THEY ARE NOT FROM COSTCO. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE, ALL THIS TIME?! and then my sister CA went out and bought me a whole pack of them. all for my very own self! she's the sweetest. and i am so soooo excited about owning so many pairs. but for serious, if you, like me, have been on the serious hunt for some good superior socks, look no further than your local costco! i could not find them on their website, but here is what one pair from the pack looks like. because obviously i'm wearing them RIGHT NOW.

5. Gemma today on our way into ballet: "Jesus Christ! this is not my nipple!" *points to bellybutton*

6. one more reason to love Pope Francis: he wants all the mothers to feed their babies! whenever! wherever!

7. JJ was out of town for a couple days so it was survival mode around here (wine not pictured). it was selfie city over here and we totally jammed his phone with them until he got back.

8. we are in the process of signing up Miss G for preschool starting next fall, and it's just so...i want to cry just thinking about it. she's so ollllllld! the preschool is so close to our house that we can just walk (rain or shine only. so probably like 10% of the time). she has to wear a uniform and they're so cute and miniature, she's going to be so adorable! it's a play-based learning curriculum and i know she's just going to love school so much.

9. go hawks!

10. although i swore we wouldn't...we got a beast. A BEAST. a giant ass double stroller that doesn't even fit through the door at starbucks. 'twas JJ who really wanted it. i suggested a simple, black double that would be low profile and easy to maneuver, but NO. he went and found us a good deal on ebay...choosing a bright orange double bob. i mean you wouldn't even believe how enormous it is. the fedex man brought the box to our door today and he was like sweating. we'll take her out on her maiden voyage this evening and i'll report back on how many small animals we unintentionally  killed in our monster semi truck.

also, i know this is kind of a weird platform for this, but if you live in the Seattle area and are in need of a single jogger, we are selling our old one. it's a Joovy Zoom 360. love it--such a good stroller. it's in good condition, just a bit of weather damage on inside sun canopy. comes with rain cover. retail $250, asking $100. email me if you're interested!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

the thing about a boy.

when Gemma was born, i was just tickled that she was a girl. my very own little sweet BFF. and JJ when he held her the first time--talk about heart explosion. i don't think i ever knew how badly i wanted a girl until she was born.

and then there was Beau. Beau was always my Beau. i had his name picked out from day 1 (so happy JJ agreed. not so much with girl names...on the morning of his birthday we still didn't even have a girl name picked out!) and i just knew he was Beau in there. and after JJ exclaimed "BOY!" i started crying. a little boy! i didn't even know what to do with myself. he changed my whole life in one instant. babies are so magical, aren't they? i've learned about a different kind of love. i didn't even know the heart could have so many different kinds of love. when JJ came along, he just kind of took over in there. then it miraculously made room for my Gemma, then grew even bigger for my Beau. just, HOW?! it's incredible. i have been given this job of raising both a daughter and a son. and i do not take it lightly! there's something very special there.

as one of four daughters, i cannot even tell you how many times people say, "oh your poor dad!" i hate it. like really really really HATE it when people say that to me. like it's some sort of terrible thing that he has five women in his life to love him. he adores having a wife and four daughters. he was and is the world's best girldad. he could always make the perfect topsy tail. he can spot a Betsey Johnson store (well, he could. before they all closed.) from a mile away. he has sobbed at three weddings thus far, giving us away to our husbands. girls are all he knows. and girls were all i knew, too. so when G was born, i was comfortable. it was like, "i got this," from the very beginning.

Beau has taught me some new things. lots of new things actually. for instance, just a few weeks ago, i learned all about "Fromunda Cheese" from Beau's father, when i questioned the substance lurking under his little nutsack. just barfffff! boys are so gross. SO GROSS YOU GUYS.

and you know something? i never understood the whole "Mother And Her Son" thing. you know what i'm talking about. like your husband/boyfriend's mom is obsessed with her son(s). to the point where it's like "ohmygod stoppppp. just stop. he is a grown and married man! do not do his laundry for him and buy mozzarella cheese sticks just for him when he comes to visit!" here is something you should know about JJ: he intentionally "forgets" his toothbrush every time we visit his parents. and his mom always always has a brand new toothbrush waiting for him in the bathroom. i always used to roll my eyes at such instances. BUT. but now, i get it. i even had to call JJ's mom to tell her that i get it. there is just something about having a son. HE WILL NEVER EVER LOVE ANYONE BUT ME, OKAY?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!!! and also i'm getting his name tattooed on my heart because he is my little perfect, wonderful gentleman. and now i've joined the club and all of you women out there who don't have sons (or at least not yet) are rolling your eyes at me. #motherboy

and so. Little Beau Blue, my love. i want you to be one of the good ones. i want you to be strong. and yet i want you to be soft. i want you to love animals. i want you to cherish your sister and your parents. i want you to be compassionate. i want you to have adventures--i want you to get grass stains on your knees! i want you to respect your female counterparts. i want you to be true. i want you to fill your head with dreams. i want you to be free and wild. you were meant for this life, guy. i love you!

Friday, January 9, 2015

L's world

both of my children are asleep and i'm about to piss myself with excitement! OH THE TIME! i have already gone to the bathroom alone, watched an episode of Girls, and eaten three fudge covered oreos. slowly. usually they are eaten in haste, because i don't want Gemma to catch me. this is what i look like when she does catch me:

guilty as fuck.

anyway, i thought i'd give ye olde blog some love today. so here's a rundown of what's happening.

1. we had our annual Christmas PJ party with Sandi & Isla!

2. we had Christmas in Suncadia.

3. JJ's sister Sarah and her family came to Seattle and we made Gemma's LIFE by visiting the top of the Space Needle.

4. meltdown #8,593

5. we traveled to California for Little Christmas.

6. we spent time with my sister's sweet, sweet baby.

7. typical Cleo acting like she runs the show.

8. #shakeitoff


9. G fell asleep with Taco Bell in her hand. can't say i've never been there.

10. this one-piece sweatsuit my mom got me and my sisters for Christmas. aptly named "The Yeti," i have yet to go 24 hours without wearing it. owning one is equal parts awesome and awful.

11. Little Beau Blue has nearly grown out of his bassinet. *sobs*

that's about it for now. i need to spend the rest of nap time being productive. i've got some toenails that need clipping and some preschools that need researching.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Christmas with the Hansens

well well well. look what the cat dragged in. it's olllllll L. batshit crazy L. i tell ya WHAT, two kids is a game changer. a reallll game changer. my life is 100% nuts. 100% of the time. and i really do love it!! most of the time. i'm still trying to make adjustments to my life to create a new sort of "normal," and i need to figure out a new showering schedule because my current one just is NOT cutting it. i need more showers.

BUT, i do have to say that i have the sweetest little dreamboat of a baby! he's a peach. and i love him so much. i never understood the whole "thing" mothers have with their sons. and then i had a son and it's like OHMYGOD. #motherboy. a whole other post on that later.

Beau is asleep in his carseat (inside the house. had to clarify just in case you like thought he was in the car outside in the cold) and Gemma is screaming at me from her room to bring her the book that she put in the cart at TJ Maxx, which i put back and never bought. so i have about 15-20 to word vom all over you!

these moments are rare round these parts. usually we are trying to keep Gemma from hurting Beau. she has a tell, though. she sticks out her tongue right before she's about to wreak havoc. as soon as JJ or i sees it, we scream "QUICK! GRAB THE BABY!" and most times we reach him before she does.

she IS a good big sister though. the other night she reallllly wanted to read Baby Beau a book. she wanted me to lay him down next to her in our bed. then she gently covered him up, covered herself up and read this story to him. it was completely adorable and my heart was so full it almost burst. also, those pajamas. RIGHT?! ever since i found out i was pregnant with B, i got excited about the prospect of matching Christmas pajamas this year. there was just something about two pairs. the same print. one big, one tiny. just perfect! and seeing them now, my kids, my two kids, in those pajamas, together, in my house. MAN. i mean, talk about a dream come true. 

life's a bitch. 
this was a pretty good meltdown! in Michael's, because i wouldn't buy her the 8,000,000 piece sticker book she wanted. aren't i just the WORST?! ha. "BUY IT MAMAAAAAAAA! I JUST DON'T KNOWWWWW! THAT'S NOT THE DEALLLLLLL!" when she's mad she just spurts out meaningless strings of words and it's really hilarious.  
also noteworthy: she calls the grinch "the french" and says "cheesal weasel" instead of geez louise.

his little hat reminds me of that line from the night before christmas: "and mama in her kerchief and i in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap."

so we got an elf on the shelf! and Gemma named him Fluffy obviously. selfishly i wanted to use him as a way to threaten G with a bad report to Santa so she'd behave. but the plan backfired. because this is how it goes every time: 
me: "ohhhh no. that's so naughty, Gemma. Fluffy is going to have to tell Santa about this." 
Gemma: "NO HE'S NOT!!!!!!" 
and gosh, people are so clever with the elf. i'm lucky if i even remember to hide him in a new spot! sticking him in a dying poinsettia is about all i've got.

we went to Snowflake Lane (lights, dancing, music, snow!) this week with our pals and it was so much fun! and this picture shows why Mel is my favorite. she let big Gem ride on her little shoulders so she could see the show while JJ ran to the car.

these two! candy cane suckers for the win. 

 Beau's face though. 

he fell asleep and every person we passed was all, "OHMYGOSHHH LOOK AT THAT BABY ASLEEP IN THE BEAR SUITTTTTT HE'S SO CUTE!!!" and i was all I KNOW, RIGHT?! 

i just love wrapping presents! all of my presents have to be wrapped the same every year. i like the way they look sitting under the tree when they're matching. 

me: "JJ, will you help me wrap presents?!"
JJ: "YEAH! let's watch home alone while we do it!"
me: "YES!!!!"
JJ: (see above) 

well we ditched the kids and had a fancy night just for the grownups! the nutcracker of course! special thanks to my parents for driving over just for the night to babysit! 

we met Santa today! note JJ's serious face as he concentrates on Little G, who had just spotted the large sack of candy canes. side story: i went into Nordstrom this week to return something and i had Baby Beau strapped to my chest while pushing Gemsie in the stroller. it was daytime, so the mall was filled with other moms and old people. my fave time to go the mall. the kiddies started screaming at literally the same exact time and THREE elderly people stopped me to say "this is such a short time of life, they're beautiful kids" and "they're only little for a while" and "this stage goes by so fast!" it was so nice. so encouraging that those three people all connected with me to let me know it was okay that i was a walking circus, and to point out what a gift it is to have them, even when they're making me sweaty and panicky with embarrassment. i'll remember their kindness! and promise to pay it forward down the road when i see someone in my position. 

G&B&Santa! Gemma was so cute. she was all coy and flirty with him (same as last year!) and Baby Beau just sleep the entire time and didn't give two shits about meeting the man in red. 

and that's what's up!

Sunday, October 12, 2014


Beau Graf Hansen
October 1, 2014
7 lbs 14 oz

a boy! this little tiny old man is the most wonderful addition to our family. we love to spend all of our time smothering him with kisses. Gemma adores her baby brother, but is generally displeased with her parents as of late. 

when JJ announced the gender to me he shouted, "OHMYGOD. IT'S A BOY! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS BALLS! HOLY SHIT!" i mean, are you even surprised? typical JJ move.

Beau Baby is the best baby. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

what's inside my brain

1. still pregnant FYI. i'm trying to get my head around the fact that i'm having a baby. like, for reals. today i decided to recreate this horribly graphic and offensive picture:

i'm equally ripe with each one (left is Gemma, right is JF2)

what do we think? baby is much lower this time, but seems about the same size.

2. an update for you potty training folk: i originally had said that the underwear from Mini Boden were the best for potty training. but omg was i full of shit. because i got THESE GERBER ONES last week and they're 8,000x better for accidents! honestly i couldn't even believe the high quality of them. they're terry cloth and plastic lined to contain the accident, and they go up real high in the front and back, just like a diaper. they very much keep any surprise poops/tinkles in check. you definitely need to get them!

3. my fat feet just will never fit comfortably in Ugg moccasin slippers (even when i'm not pregnant i have fat feet). time to let it go, L. just get the grandmotherly slip-ons next time.

4. JJ teaching Gemma how to ride this dinosaur like a bull.


5. i just want all things gummy and sour. just, all of them.

6. it was a proud moment for us when Gemma called Cleo a bastard yesterday.

7. Seattle is just NOT the place to be a glasses-wearing person. i constantly have drops of water on my lenses! time for contacts.

8. i have a corn on my foot. A CORN. i'm 87 years old and i hate everyone.

9. i love having momfriends who are up for an early monday lunch date. its so good for us! all of the patrons at Deru breathed a sigh of relief as they saw our circus exiting today.

10. it's that time of year again when the Big Brown Terrifying Spiders make their way inside Seattle homes. and JJ literally had a battle with one the other day. he smashed his shoe into the wall at least 16 times and when i suggested that all 16 smashes may have been unnecessary, i was met with a look of contempt. all it takes is a run-in with one of these spiders and JJ becomes permanently spooked for the entirety of the cold season. later that evening when Cleo came inside through the slightly cracked open door, JJ said to me all panicked, "DID YOU JUST HEAR THE DOOR CREAK, L?! IT WAS A SPIDER COMING IN, I'M SURE OF IT!!!!!!" #baby
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