Saturday, December 20, 2008

SNOW SUX

the all-time record for snow accumulation in spokane was shattered on thursday. we got 30 inches of snow. 30 INCHES!!! we were snowed into our house until JJ (native californian) decided to be useful and shovel the driveway (while i watched jackass reruns). he had been out there for quite a while so i rolled off the couch and crawled over to the window to take a peek. what i saw was so hilarious its hard to breathe. JJ was standing there hunched over the snow in TENNIS SHOES (he doesn't....or i should say didn't at that time...own boots) and sweatpants that are two sizes too big so every time he leaned forward to shovel, his ass crack would hang out 3 feet! haaaaaaaaahahahahahdjfkhahahahaha it was so funny i had to go out and take a picture before he yelled at me. "i actually like shoveling snow, it's kind of fun and a good work out" he said. (this was only his First Time...we'll see how he feels about it next year)

that afternoon at about 1, our friends Rah and Nebular asked us if we wanted to exchange christmas gifts over an early dinner. of course, but we couldn't get out of our driveway. so JJ and i walked WE WALKED through the knee-high snow so they could pick us up ON THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY. and it was in the middle of a blizzard and halfway to the freeway i remembered i forgot my ID and LORD KNOWS I NEEDED A STIFF DRINK AT THIS POINT so i sort of made a pouty face at JJ but he said "hell no i'm not going back" so i had to go back myself. UGLH! it was awful. anyway, after a 40 minute trek to get downtown (the city shut down for the day...the post office, the movie theaters, all the stores in the mall except Nordstrom...and JJ decided he wanted to buy boots at Nordstrom so i mistakenly let him go alone. he came back with men's uggs. yes, i said men's uggs. so we had to go back to Nordstrom and i had to explain that men's uggs are NOT ok, and we exchanged them for a different pair of boots), we ate lunch then realized we needed to leave before the weather got any worse.

but NO Nebular had to go the casino to do his sports pics or whatever. and since he was driving, JJ, Rah and i were dropped off at the wal-mart. THE WAL-MART! like what the hell am i supposed to do at the wal-mart? inevitably..........i somehow spent 46 dollars. after the casino JJ and Nebular went to a basketball game and dropped Rah and i off, again, on the FREEWAY so we walked back with 2 shopping bags each....wearing dresses and tights......and i slipped and fell bringing her down with me. what can you do at that point but laugh and pee your pants? we went inside and polished off 2 bottles of hard-earned merlot.

and yesterday i went to costco in my winter gear. and you know it's when you are the most prepared that Old Man Winter decides to claim you as his victim. sure enough i slipped and almost fell. i screamed "WHOA" and grabbed a strange man's arm and just stared thankfully into his eyes for a bit.

and today JJ, Rah and Nebular went to seattle and left me here. because i have to work at my wildly demanding receptionist job at the retirement community. and it's supposed to snow again tonight. so if the driveway needs shoveling i have to do it myself. and if the roads are bad on tuesday when i'm supposed to go home for Christmas, i shall be stuck here forever. i will die alone on Christmas. what a happy ending.

5 comments:

  1. hahahahahaha I wish I could've seen him shoveling the driveway...hahahaha. You BETTER get home for Christmas, I got you a good gift!

    And fyi, dad used to own man uggs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay, I am going to try to comment again.%&*(*^^%!

    Butt cracks are a family tradition dating back to Papa. Before then men of "good breeding" wore belts to keep their trou firmly cinched at the waist.

    If you die alone on Christmas in Spokane am I release from buying you and JJ a VERY EXPENSIVE AND WONDERFUL WEDDING GIFT? (saw an ad for a Bentley today,only $340k).

    GOLDENROD is still the best.

    PS my word verification is "benlu" Has your dad gotten into touch with his girly side?

    ReplyDelete
  3. What's wrong with Man UGGs? I liked dad's! Tell Jeremy he's a GIGANTIC doofus! The butt crack thing cracked me up! hahaha. Well I better go Hitler- I mean mom is making me clean up snow-gear! (No offence mom, but you never cut me slack on the cleaning :) I still love you)

    Can't wait to see you Lace! BALLSACK!

    ReplyDelete
  4. MAN UGGS! AHAHAHAHHAH
    HAHA
    HAHHA
    HA
    HA
    -your biggest fan

    ReplyDelete
  5. MAN UGGS! AHAHAHAHHAH
    HAHA
    HAHHA
    HA
    HA
    -your biggest fan

    ReplyDelete

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