Saturday, December 13, 2008

the things we do when we wanna look cool

in middle school the cool thing to wear in my small town was.....i don't think you're ready for's boxers (had to be from the gap), a t-shirt (had to say "selah" on it somewhere), tube socks (had to be white), and Dr. Martens (had to be brown sandals). (SHUT UP Sam, LJ, KitKat, and KKiss--you know EXACTLY what i'm talking about) i wanted to wear said outfit but my evil mother wouldn't let me. she thought (quite rightfully so) that the outfit was ugly. she wouldn't buy me tube socks. but that's all that was missing. so i made the fatal mistake of exchanging the white tube socks with my shin-high sweat socks with a purple stripe around the ankle (also from the gap...surprise surprise....and i'm a tad bit embarrassed to admit that i still have them). and so there i was.... soooo awkwardly skinny that the men's boxers from the gap were loose and hanging and unflattering, my Dr. Marten sandals were red, my socks were just stupid, and i'm pretty sure that my selah t-shirt mentioned something about being on the C squad basketball team.

about 2 years ago my dad saw an ad in People Magazine of Matthew McConaughey's face with a stallion running in the background, and he was holding a bottle of America's Finest Cologne: Stetson. my dad ripped out the ad and brought it home. a couple days later, sitting at dinner, we all caught a whiff of some sort of cheap chemical. turns out my dad drove himself to WAL-MART to purchase his 2-bottle special pack of Stetson. when we asked him......WHY?! he simply answered, "well......Matthew McConaughey wears it...."

my senior year in college i was walking on campus and was too busy being a cool senior to notice a curb. i tripped and fell flat on my stomach. dropped everything. two very nice freshman boys helped me up and all i could say was "ohmygoshimsoembarrassed. now please help me pick up my shit before anyone else notices." all to save my face from being deemed as "uncool" by my peers.

just in May i bought a pair of white jeans...why you ask?

to look cool. DUH.


  1. you failed to mention a few key get ups we wore to try to be cool....

    1. triple-layered champion socks in basketball circa 7th and 8th grade

    2. Abercrombie EVERYTHING in high school, including a side tie belt and a messy do

    3. all of our formal dresses that were floor length and hideous for the most part (except for mine obvi, i had taste far beyond my years in that department, and you all know it!)

    4.. "going out" tops we wore as freshman to try and look like we were mature college women (really they were a dead give away that we were freshman and had no idea how to dress - caught in that awk stage when AF no longer cuts it, but too young and poor for Banana Republic)

    5. the first christmas break after college when you wear your college sweatshirt just to prove you're cooler than all the "lifers" -- you know what i'm talking about and you did it!

    i bought white jeans too....

  2. all were funny...but you hit the FRESHMAN YEAR "GOING OUT" TOPS on the head!!!!! hahahahahah i laughed out loud and peed. they were always cheap material that was shiny and probably very flammable....usually from wet seal. LOL

  3. and you could really only wear them once.

    gaucho pants should be added to the list.

    and don't act like you don't love your white jeans, you wore them in your engagement photos.

  4. White jeans. Been there, done that circa 1986. Big mistake. Similar to buying into the Members Only, Liesure Suit, or leg warmers obsessions. You're lucky to escape their gravitational pull, and if you do, you rue the day you thought they were so cool.


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