Saturday, January 24, 2009

funny gal

you know when you're being reaaaal funny and the people you're around (may be people you know. may be strangers) just don't think you're laugh-worthy? most likely it's simply that they're boring and don't understand humor...but maybe just maaaybe it's that you're really just not on that day. your jokes just aren't quite up to par. well...with me, sometimes i just say really stupid things that i think are the bees knees and in reality are neither funny nor appropraite. just plain awkward. for example:

1. when paying for parking: "that'll be $2.50 ma'am." so i dangle a $20 and say with a wink, "ya can't keep the change on that one pal!" guy didn't even chuckle.

2. when returning a chinese crested dog shaped purse at Macy's..."Believe it or not, a chinese crested ISN'T what i always wanted." girl did a fake peter griffen laugh.

3. when Y. Droogsman the chubs chef told me he was going to take his sick day to go fishing i said, "OH YOU DIRRRTY DOG!!" chef prob didn't get the american joke.

4. (this one belongs to Crazylegs) at the grocery store checkout digging in her purse...and instead of grabbing pen, grabbed tampon and wagged it in front of grocer's face and proclaimed, "that's not YOURS!!!"

5. after JJ's boss licked my tattoo...."yummy."

6. first day of Marriage Preparation Class (don't worry...more to come on that subject. stay tuned) after the teacher said "welcome" in a very calm and Catholic voice...i said, "welcome...oh. wow. i just welcomed myself to the class. sorry i'm awkward." the teacher said, "'s....ok." other couples just looked away.

7. at pita pit with my sister as reluctantly pass card to cashier..."16 DOLLARS?! boy i guess i never really paid attention to how much they cost...then again i don't think i ever bought a pita when i was sober...heh heh heh" boring guy didn't even crack a smile!!!

8. a friend of Crazylegs and mine turned 21 so we created a giant decorated glass mug...complete with a cat figurine that had a blue rhinestone eye glued to the bottom. we said, "so when you can see the cat, it's time for a purrrrefill!" we're not friends with him anymore.

9. when entering courthouse and criminal-looking man holds door open for me, "why thank you my good sir." Crazylegs scolded me.

etc. etc. etc.

even while i am re-reading them, i still think i am quite hilarious. but you're the one who knows me. you're the one reading this. and I KNOW you're the one slightly smiling because you know how effing funny i am. stop kidding yourself and just laugh.


  1. these were all stupid, the kind when i laugh at you not at what you said. which kind of makes me laugh. i also love how your new rating system is all positive options. you're so modest.

  2. hahah SL has since stopped talking to both of us. i guess a cup with a cute kitten glued to the bottom isnt very manly.......

  3. I guess I would have had to have been there...

    I do think you're funny, though.

  4. i really like 2 and 9. Also, you're quite the english minor. nice writing. i can FEEL you talking to me

  5. EMILY!!!!!!! im so glad you're a followerrrrrr!!!! thanks for givin me props on my english skillz.


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