Tuesday, January 20, 2009

MOOSE ON THE LOOSE

my place of work is stationed on a hill surrounded by nature. like trees and foilage and shit. and when something mildly interesting happens here, it's like a crazy BUZZ. (like today, when pressie obamsie was giving his speech, all the oldies huddled around the big screen to watch...it was fab) well the other day i was working and got 579 calls about a moose wandering through the houses in this neighborhood. they would call and say "OHMYGOD THERE'S A MOOSE IN MY BACKYARD!! DO SOMETHING!" like they want me to catch it myself. i would just say "maintenance is handling it. thanksbye." since my place of work is so naturesque, wildlife are constantly coming around and nibbling. but EVERYONE was FREAKING OUT about the stoooooooopid MOOSE WITH ONLY ONE ANTLER.

maybe i was acting cool because in 7th grade my family and i went camping (bughlllgghhh) and i was sitting alone at a picnic table happily making my way through a package of double stuf oreos (why does nabisco spell "stuf" with only one "f"?) and a live thing (it was a man deer i think) came up to the picnic table and pulled my oreos over to himself with his teeth and polished off the rest of them in one graceful movement. i guess he was on his period (he he he he) i just sat there. like shocked. i didn't move. then he turned around and just walked back into the forest. i mean, that was a close call.
well last monday moosie with only one antler came reeeaaaal close to the main building and all the residents were standing around the windows with their cameras and binoculars like it was a zoo. and we have a French Chef Named Y. Droogsmans (yes, real) who has a terribly harsh French accent and while the residents and i were gathered around the window checking out the moose, Y. Droogsmans came BOLTING out of the kitchen screaming. he waddled (he's fat) outside in his white apron and black checkered pants chasing after the moose yelling "i weeel getayooo mooose. i weeel keeel you witch mah gun!" apparently Y. Droogsmans is an avid hunter. he wanted to kill the moose with one antler and cut him up and cook him and serve him to the residents. what a nut.

well today i finally thought all the moose with one antler hype was past us, then i get this e-mail: "Pictures of our moose are on current events folder." OUR MOOSE? hhahahahahahaahahhhh we own him now. anyway, up above is the picture of "our moose." it's Washington Postcard Worthy.

10 comments:

  1. ahahahah you're ridiculous. man deer = buck. "your" moose is ugly. and this is definitely washington post card worthy, and would probably do quite well if sold in a place like roslyn.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If by man deer you mean "centaur" then I know just what you mean...

    ReplyDelete
  3. he is a loser because he had only ONE ANTLER!

    ReplyDelete
  4. PRIMATIVE?!? You are the least primative person I know. I would like some facts, mam, to back up your assertion that you are PRIMATIVE... I can hear your mother laughing right now!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i'm wild...i act on my inhibitions...i am an animal.

    ReplyDelete
  6. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART MOMCAT...WHY DON'T YOU DESCRIBE ME IN 3 WORDS?!?!??!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. you're not primitive, you don't even eat meat.

    and MOMCAT likes alliteration.

    ReplyDelete
  8. meatless, mouselike, mammalian, magnificant1

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...