you know. i always told myself that i wouldn't be that guy who goes to the college bars after i graduate. and i haven't. until last night.
i went to the doctor yesterday to have my ear looked at. (it really hurt and i kept thinking there was a bug in there. this woman from Selah had an earwig in her ear once so she poured water in there to flood it out. so i poured hydrogen peroxide in my ear to see if a bug came out. but no bug came out. so i was convinced it was a spider. because i feel like spiders are hard to flood out of your ear. they are tricky little dicks, ya know?) anyway i have swimmer's ear. wtf? i don't swim. and the handout the doctor gave me said "swimmer's ear can be obtained from showering TOO often." WELL THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT HOW I GOT IT! also the doctor asked me how often i exercised and i lied and said twice a week. anyway, after that i just sat around like a lazy cavity with mah dog and mah cat.
then Rah and i went to watch the Chiefs and bud-light-double-fisted our way through the game. then we called our ol college buddy RayJones and he urged us to go out with him. so we threw our hands in the air and said, "what the hell?" and we went out. but first we went to RayJones' house and took shots of vodka (reeeaallllll classy.) we felt totally college which made us really miss it. then we went to the most popular college bar. and had some drinks. (after i just told the doctor that morning that i never drink, but when i do i simply have a glass of wine or a beer.) then i texted someone from college and he said, "who is this?" which it totally embarrassing because he clearly took me out of his phone after we graduated. then we went outside and i slipped and fell on the ice. think i broke my tailbone and my elbows are scratched. then i smoked a cigarette. (gross...also told the doctor i don't smoke) then we went to the second most popular college bar. and Rah and RayJones won $50 on the pull-tabs. then the bartender put black sharpie X's on her hands. then we went home. before midnight. then i puked pink. i didn't eat anything pink. but that is so my style. even my puke is pretty. then i went to bed. then i got up and tried to wake JJ (i'm about even with bin laden right now on the list of people he likes) and went to work wearing the same outfit (that i also slept in). then i called Sam to wish her happy bday and she didn't know who i was because i called from work and my voice was unrecognizable and all deep and tranny-like. then i felt sick until i went to TB with my coworker Maintenance Man for lunch. two chalupas later and i'm a whole new woman.
why is it that after college you just suck at drinking?