Saturday, January 31, 2009

pink puke

you know. i always told myself that i wouldn't be that guy who goes to the college bars after i graduate. and i haven't. until last night.

i went to the doctor yesterday to have my ear looked at. (it really hurt and i kept thinking there was a bug in there. this woman from Selah had an earwig in her ear once so she poured water in there to flood it out. so i poured hydrogen peroxide in my ear to see if a bug came out. but no bug came out. so i was convinced it was a spider. because i feel like spiders are hard to flood out of your ear. they are tricky little dicks, ya know?) anyway i have swimmer's ear. wtf? i don't swim. and the handout the doctor gave me said "swimmer's ear can be obtained from showering TOO often." WELL THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT HOW I GOT IT! also the doctor asked me how often i exercised and i lied and said twice a week. anyway, after that i just sat around like a lazy cavity with mah dog and mah cat.

then Rah and i went to watch the Chiefs and bud-light-double-fisted our way through the game. then we called our ol college buddy RayJones and he urged us to go out with him. so we threw our hands in the air and said, "what the hell?" and we went out. but first we went to RayJones' house and took shots of vodka (reeeaallllll classy.) we felt totally college which made us really miss it. then we went to the most popular college bar. and had some drinks. (after i just told the doctor that morning that i never drink, but when i do i simply have a glass of wine or a beer.) then i texted someone from college and he said, "who is this?" which it totally embarrassing because he clearly took me out of his phone after we graduated. then we went outside and i slipped and fell on the ice. think i broke my tailbone and my elbows are scratched. then i smoked a cigarette. (gross...also told the doctor i don't smoke) then we went to the second most popular college bar. and Rah and RayJones won $50 on the pull-tabs. then the bartender put black sharpie X's on her hands. then we went home. before midnight. then i puked pink. i didn't eat anything pink. but that is so my style. even my puke is pretty. then i went to bed. then i got up and tried to wake JJ (i'm about even with bin laden right now on the list of people he likes) and went to work wearing the same outfit (that i also slept in). then i called Sam to wish her happy bday and she didn't know who i was because i called from work and my voice was unrecognizable and all deep and tranny-like. then i felt sick until i went to TB with my coworker Maintenance Man for lunch. two chalupas later and i'm a whole new woman.

why is it that after college you just suck at drinking?

6 comments:

  1. chalupas are the best cure for "pink" puke! !

    ReplyDelete
  2. um let's talk about sucking at drinking after college.. it's my 23rd birthday. i'm sitting on my couch in sweats too drunk to go out (its not even 8 pm here) waiting for my papa john's pizza to come.

    you did sound like a tranny this morning. i love it when you get drunk but you never last more than 4 hours. and apparently neither do i.

    ReplyDelete
  3. two FREE chiefsgame chalupas. I know you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. U just haven't hit your second drinking wind. Trust me, you're journey has only just begun. Have you even discovered your "big girl now" cocktail? Me? First Cuba Libre, Jameson rocks, then Kamikaze, next Pims Cup for summer faire, segway into Black and Stormies [an acquired Yum!], G&Ts when the weather is right [like Pims and B&Ss] - and now, as of Superbowl night, Jameson w/ water and lemon twist.
    Word of advice? Keep the pink pukes to once a year and tail off from there. Saturday night, after the G-A-double N-O-Ns left casa de Weigand around 8:30pm, I had my 3rd Coronoa in a can w/ lime and sat down for some serious Wii Mario Cart play, next thing I know, Tessa is coming out asking if I'm coming to bed. I look at my watch: 3am - 10 Corona later. Ouch. No upchuck though. Hang in there Liz.

    ReplyDelete
  5. DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR UNCLE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. we all suck at drinking. that same night I had my work holiday party...proceeded by the after party. apparently some girl tried to tell mini horse to get away from me (b/c he looks like a creepy elf) and I pushed her down. GOD. didn't wake up until 2pm the next day. which is when I texted you "going to burger creations by myself" bhahahahah. I suck. oh and my puke tasted like orange juice. of course.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...