Thursday, February 5, 2009

adventures of dirty girl & rat dog

today Crazylegs comes. i'm going a little nuts in preparation. so i put on my Fave Outfit of All Time (SHS swim team pants and 8th grade t-shirt that reads..."the few. the proud. the DC bound." obviously with no bra or makeup) and headed to the grocery store to pick up a bunch of junk food. and on the way to the grocery store i thought "my, i think i will get a car wash today." (last time i got my car washed was july when my mom paid for it...and the only reason i got one today was because my dirty dirty car was getting my clothes all dirty dirty) it was early. like 8:30 am. i was happily one of the 6 people in the store so i was in and out lickety split. 

then it was off to the carwash. i pulled up, held one finger out and said to the guy "hello sir, one regular wash please." then i smiled and pulled forward. he said "OK. go'am! MA'AM! your windowwwww....." the next thing i know water is rushing into my effing car and i half expected Shamu to stop by. cleo and i are dripping. she starts shivering. when we're done i say to the man "i...i....i'm just out of it this morning." the man says, "free of charge. go drink some coffee." when i got home and looked in the mirror. i had dirt splatters all over my face. perfect. just perfect.

then Cleopatra had an appointment with the groomer. i said, "just a small puppy trim please." and she comes out as a rat with hideous BABY BLUE ribbons on her ears. she looks anorexic. her head is 3 times the size of her body. THEY SHAVED MY DOG. i just grabbed her and left. never. ever. going. back. now i'm sitting at home just staring at her. it's hard to love an ugly dog. but she loved me this morning when i was ugly with dirt splatters on my face. 


  1. Poor Cleo. Chewie could sympathize with her as it has been done to him. Papa had dropped him off with not much in the way of instruction and they shaved everything but his whiskers -- I had no idea how skinny his legs are! I had a snit fit when I picked him up and the groomers know better than to do that again. He knew he looked awful,for he hung his head and when we got home he crawled under the bed.
    Another time the groomer called me and told me "we have a problem" as he (Chewie, not the groomer) had a permenant hard-on. I quick called the vet just as he was heading home and he told me to get him there ASAP, which I did, and Chewie had to have surgery and it cost nearly $500. Maybe dogs should stay ungroomed...

  2. LacieLiz - please, please clean your car more often. Even Dorf has hers cleaned every week or two. What does the inside look like? Are there TB wrappers in the rear foot wells, lipstick/gloss tubes stuck in the seat tracks, decarbonated cans of diet soda in the cupholders & loose change everywhere? That must be one dowdy Audi. I know it's winter, but please! GOTB! Trust me, half the gallery isn't only looking at the ensemble you arrived in. It doesn't have to have bling, but your wheels should be clean[er] than most of the rigs in the nearest trailer park - as a general rule. Ask any of the old fellas at the home. They'll tell ya. e.

  3. hmm. funny. that's my favorite outfit too.

  4. I got a carwash yesterday too...but I bet my car was dirtier since I've taken it up to White Pass and back several times. Turns out, the water pressure made my peace sign magnet fall off and then it started raining not 45 seconds after I pulled out of the parking lot. Just my luck.

  5. i haven't washed my car since i moved to arizona. i feel helpless, like i can't just head down to sundance and spray it off. and i don't trust the sketch one down the street from my house since all the men from the blood bank frequent the gas station next to it immediately after they get their plasma dollars. thus the jetta (pronounced yetta) remains dirty with bird poop ALL over it. FML.

  6. Speaking of favorite outfits... my favorite shirt was stolen from me out of my dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom. You could say i'm devastated. I get attached to clothing...


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