Monday, February 16, 2009

karmaaaaaaaa

god damn karma. serouisly.

for young alum slum weekend, i called in sick to work part day saturday and all day sunday. and i felt kinda bad, but not really. since Crazylegs flew across the country to see me. that, and if you leave her alone for more than 4 hours, she becomes The Destroyer. (she's extremely messy)

anyway, after i called in sick last saturday, i got home and had rrhea. then i lost my voice. (which i totally don't mind because i think it makes me sounds so sultry and sexy...completely opposite of my usual high-pitched and rather annoying minnie mouse voice) and i started to feel a bit guilty bones about calling in sick to work.

THEN just yesterday i was driving to work at 7:15 am. just minding my own business and feeling just a tad tired and not looking forward to actually working, but taylor swift was on the radio so i was fairly content...then i got this terrible terrible feeling in my stomach and i had to slam my breaks ON THE FREEWAY so i could open my door to puke. i puked green boogery, flemmy snot. which after i looked at it, made me feel even more sick, which made me gag gag gag then dry heave. in general, after i puke (when i'm sober) i get a very sad feeling and i start to cry. i think because it scares me a little. like one minute you're happy as a clam the next you're hunched over barfing. anyway, so i called JJ with a clammy, tear-streaked face and he was sleeping and he said, "WHAT LACIE?! I'M SLEEPING!!" and i said, "h-h-h-iiiii j-j-j-jJJ, i just p-p-pa-uked gareeeennnn s-s-s-snottttt. wahhhhhhh!!!" and then i think he felt bad for yelling at me because he said, "oh baby i'm so sorry what can i do?" and i said, "i d-d-d-on't knowww...n-n-n-n-othingg. i have t-t-t-o wooorrrkkkkk. wahhhh!!" you know what i mean though? you get all whiney and sad and throw a pity-party for yourself.

i got to work and dried my eyes. only to sit down at my desk and have the green snot flem puke rise in my throat again. so i had to lean between my knees under my desk and puke the snotty green flem into the garbage can. then i just sat under my desk for a little bit so that i could cry for just a little bit without anyone seeing me.

turns out that i have the beginnings of a sinus infection. great. after work i went home and pounded some airborne. then i thought to myself..."self, you deserve this. you called in sick when you weren't sick and now you're sick. you stupid stupid self."

then i woke up this morning at 5:30 with a balloon head and a full snot nose. pounded some more airborne. felt guilty again for lying to my place of employment. then pounded some more airborne. then ate banana bread. then fed the animals. airborne. then yelled at JJ to get his ass out of bed. then walked out to the garage to go to work.

and.
there.
are.
FOUR.
WILD.
TURKEYS.
inmygarage.

WILD TURKEYS!!!!! this karma is getting just plain weird now.

3 comments:

  1. I don't advise wild turkey or any other libation as remedy for a sinus infection, particularly before driving....to work. Why do you keep the booze in the garage anyway? Is it JJ's man space? Anywho, get better and build up some good karma.

    ReplyDelete
  2. dude that's what happens. i used to call in "sick" all the time because my job sucked and it was totally boring. i mean i had everything under the sun, stomach flu, UTI, sore throat, ear infection. all in one summer. just make sure you keep the lie going and don't slip and reveal that you were partying while you were supposed to be sick.

    WILD TURKEYS!! Awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  3. please dont leave me alone for 4 hours.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...