Thursday, February 26, 2009

tale of two postmen

what a day i had. 

the save-the-dates for our wedding  were addressed and sealed and stamped and looking very chic and important, ready to be sent. the first half i took to the post office by my house. the postman was a very nice older man with gray hair and glasses. he smiled at me and said "congratulations!" and i just wanted to pinch his cheeks. (face cheeks not butt cheeks) it was perf. i handed him my save-the-dates and off they went in a lovely blue postal bag with the eagle printed on the side.

tra la la.

the next day i was rushing about getting errands finished, and i had to rent a rug doctor, so i went to the post office that was most convenient for the day. BIG. MISTAKE. i walked in the doors all happy and cheerful with my box of save-the-dates and stood in line next to a delightful little old man and his friend. the line was three miles long but i did not care. i was chatting with the little old man and his friend. turns out all the little old man's friend wanted was a stamp. and WA-LA! i had stamps in my save-the-date box, so i sold him one, and felt like my good deed for the day was done. the little old man's friend left, and so it was me and the little old man having a blast in the post office line. he was asking me about my wedding and i asked him about his. he was nice. then it was his turn. waiting waiting waiting in line. then FINALLY it was my turn.

i walked up to the desk and said, "i need to mail my save-the-dates! but i need to have them hand canceled because they have a dried flower on them." 

the terribly grumpy 35-year-old man with a reddish buzz-cut looked at me with frowning eyes and said, "why would you try to mail a dried flower?"

"they're save-the-dates for my wedding."

"well that's not good. and you don't have enough postage on them. and the return address needs to be on the front, not the back. they won't get there."

i was crushed. i said, "the man i talked to yesterday was really nice and said i had plenty of postage."

"well you don't."

"so you're telling me that my wedding guests will have to pay postage when they get my save-the-date?! SHIT!!!!!!! what do i do?"

he said, "i don't know" all impatiently. 

then he whips out these awful awful ten cent stamps for me to purchase and they have a picture of a pocketwatch on them. and he says, "here. buy these. the things (he referred to my beautiful save-the-dates as "the things") you're mailing out today will get there if you put these stamps on them."

tears welling up. i scowled at him and said loudly, "NEVERMIND. I WILL FIGURE IT OUT ALONE!" (what a stupid thing to say. i hate when i think of the perfect thing to say after it's too late. if i could go back i would say, "you know, you're a real ASSHOLE." that would have been totally gratifying) 

then i grabbed my save-the-date box and started to huff my way out but the little old man walks up to me and said, "it was nice to meet you dear, best of luck to you." and i smiled for a split second and waited for him to waddle out in front of me. then i whipped my head around to the horrible postman and gave him one last glare and whirled around to stomp out importantly and angrily. the line was now 6 miles long and everyone gracefully stepped out of my way. i shook my head and rolled my eyes for extra effect, to warn the others of the horrible postman. 

i felt pret-ty cool and confident when i walked to my car, knowing that there were eyes boring into my back like laserbeams. people were totally staring at me wondering why i was upset. i smiled thinking, "you handled that nicely self, except for your retort to the postman." then i remembered what i was wearing. it was not a BCBG pencil skirt and blouse with Jimmy Choos. i was wearing rainboots with shorts. and a parka. and my hair was Albert Einstein-ish. damn. it. all. to. hell.

so the next day i went back to the post office by my house and the lovely older gray-haired postman was there and said, "hello! got the other half of your save-the-dates?" and i said, "yes! it's me. thank you for knowing." then i said, "you know i went to the post office on grand blvd. yesterday and the guy was so mean to me. i would like to make a complaint." the lovely postman smiled and said, "i am so so sorry about that. do you remember his name? or what he looked like?" i described the horrible postman to him and he nodded his head knowingly. he knew exactly who the a-hole was and he said, "i do all the post office training in Washington and Idaho, thank you for letting me know. customer service is hard for some people. i am very sorry he was mean to you." 

and i said, "that's OK. i'm never going back to that place. you are quite lovely and my favorite i think. so i will keep coming here." and i handed him my second round of save-the-dates knowing they would arrive to my dear guests in a timely fashion. 

tra la la. i hope the horrible postman gets in trouble. 


  1. Newman! They were very lovely. Tess was most impressed. We received ours, mailed 02/23/09, on 02/24/09 here in Walla2. The typo was endearing Lacie nee graf. Tra la la. You brought the first genuine grin to my face for the day!

  2. typo? what typo??

    and yes TOTALLY newman!!!

  3. The "g" in Graf looks like a lower case "g" in that font, whilst the "h" in Hansen has a proper weight. I'm an imp LL, I was just poking your sore with the stick of irony. I apologize. Got your text msg. 2 poor 2 reply.

  4. ok i just got my save the date in the mail! so that guy was full of shit, definitely not the kind of service i expect from the USPS (what is their slogan? the few the proud.. no.. hmm). very classy. Love the flower. i'm officially saving the date. ha!

  5. He is going to be fired for being mean to you. But the reason he was mean was because his 4-year-old son has leukemia and he is so very worried about him and whether or not the treatments will work. Well, he won't have to worry any more because he won't have any medical insurance so there will be no treatments. And tell leagally brunette that "the few, the proud" are UNITED STATES MARINES!


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