today i took a shower and wore my hair in a crazy sort of way...kinda curly/kinky. and do you know what Bernie (German retirement community resident) says to me? "what have you done weefth youwr haiwr?" i said, "Bernie i'm wearing it differently today." "well to be honest, it doesn't look good." "i, uh, was running late this moring." "well to be honest i like eet bettewr zhe otha way."
THANKSSSSSSS BERNIE NOW GO DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE AND LET ME BE
i had to interrupt the CEO of the retirement community's executive meeting today to tell him that someone was going to be late. he just stared at my hands. so did everyone else. i was holding my GOD DAMN HELLO KITTY LUNCHBOX.
i took Cleo with me to nanny today and she went outside and tripped and fell into a pile of poop, getting it all over her chest, and came inside schmearing it all over my employer's house.
also, i met with the florist. she didn't suggest weeds, however:
she was 40 minutes late and never apologized
she said putting our initials in rhinestones on top of the cake would look GORGEOUS
she told me i should get my flower girl a stuffed bear and put a flower necklace on it
she said fake limes in a vase was a popular choice
she actually said she would put "cascading curling ribbons" on my bridesmaids' bouquets.
she spelled "bouquet" bowkay.
i won't be seeing her again.
i'm very frustrated but i'm also reading a book that describes a girl with no arms. she has it way worse than me. i am thankful for my arms.
OH AND CHANEL JUST BARFED IN THE BEDROOM. AND AFTER CLEANING IT UP AND FLUSHING IT.....THE TOILET CLOGS.