Monday, March 23, 2009

incredulous

ya know i'm up to my ribs in annoyance. seems i can't have a normal day. it's time i submitted some of my misfortunate events to fmylife.com check it out. 

today i took a shower and wore my hair in a crazy sort of way...kinda curly/kinky. and do you know what Bernie (German retirement community resident) says to me? "what have you done weefth youwr haiwr?" i said, "Bernie i'm wearing it differently today." "well to be honest, it doesn't look good." "i, uh, was running late this moring." "well to be honest i like eet bettewr zhe otha way." 

THANKSSSSSSS BERNIE NOW GO DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE AND LET ME BE

i had to interrupt the CEO of the retirement community's executive meeting today to tell him that someone was going to be late. he just stared at my hands. so did everyone else. i was holding my GOD DAMN HELLO KITTY LUNCHBOX. 

i took Cleo with me to nanny today and she went outside and tripped and fell into a pile of poop, getting it all over her chest, and came inside schmearing it all over my employer's house. 

also, i met with the florist. she didn't suggest weeds, however:

she was 40 minutes late and never apologized

she said putting our initials in rhinestones on top of the cake would look GORGEOUS

she told me i should get my flower girl a stuffed bear and put a flower necklace on it

she said fake limes in a vase was a popular choice

she actually said she would put "cascading curling ribbons" on my bridesmaids' bouquets. 

she spelled "bouquet" bowkay.

i won't be seeing her again.

i'm very frustrated but i'm also reading a book that describes a girl with no arms. she has it way worse than me. i am thankful for my arms. 

OH AND CHANEL JUST BARFED IN THE BEDROOM. AND AFTER CLEANING IT UP AND FLUSHING IT.....THE TOILET CLOGS. 

4 comments:

  1. That florist sounds okay if you are having your reception at the Elks' Club. If you want, I can go to Michael's and get some fake flowers, add the curly ribbon finish and I cost a whole lot less! Did she also tell you that the latest wedding craze was a cake made out of cupcakes? I hate cupcakes! Just don't go too pink on us!!!

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  2. don't question my pink-ness.

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  3. Cheese and crackers Liz! Dump that chump of a planner/florist! Bowkay? Listen to Mimi on the pink thing. If you won't, then at least make sure they look hot to the young gents sure to attend. Get JJs input on this.

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  4. AHAHAHAHAAH NOOOOOOOO!!!!! bowkay?! That's not real. Praying manti gansta, praying manti...

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