Wednesday, March 4, 2009

my nearest and dearest

allllllllright. i have to tell everyone that i copied ol dirty ditsworth (Crazylegs) on this blog. but it was such a good idea...
in alphabetical order using the person's real, unidentified last name:

The Black Dahlia:
likes: the gym, sweatpants that say words across the butt, college sweatshirts, basketball, frank's diner, "daaahhrameee," screaming lyrics of the same songs over and over and over, snow days.
dislikes: when the members of Big Blue didn't do their chores, the Yankees, when people ask her to say, "park the car in the harvard yard" with her boston accent.
most embarrassing story: when she stepped in dog poop outside of a party then got it on her hand and couldn't find a bathroom.
favorite food: ultimate bagel.
glory moment: an experience with a statue.
something wonderful that i did for this person: solve all boy problems.
in 3 words: vociferous, jubliant, entertaining.

likes: sleeping in my bed, bleach blonde hair, fashion, woobie, wearing things that will attract (negative OR positive) attention, weird music, weird movies, weird art, putting cups of beer on her head to be "funny," traveling, black sparks.
dislikes: the word "weiner," beep-boops, when i dance naked, when there was kitty litter and poop in her gucci bag, the fact that her credit card limit could never be high enough, bugs (this girl can watch a movie called "suicide club" and not bat an eyelash, yet when a tiny weenie bug crawls, she names him and screams, "KILL JOEY NOW!!!" this is the weirdest thing in the world), and this girl hate hate HATES kitten heels. but loves kittens.
most embarrassing story: when she got arrested at safeway.
favorite food: cheez
glory moment: i dropped a 40 at a day party. i know, totally unacceptable right? well Crazylegs saved my face by dropping to the ground and gathering the booze in her hands in a very Jesus-like fashion, and drank it, licked her lips and said, "we wouldn't want to waste that." everyone cheered.
something wonderful i did for this person: took her to the doctor and held her hand while they sucked out the puss in her tonsils with a needle. i nearly passed out, but by GOD, i am a good friend.
in 3 words: insane, untamed, imperturbable.

likes: being a mom, running, biking, swimming, walking, hiking, doing anything active, being in her flannel "jammie-jams" with bunny-shaped clouds on them, playing cards on the computer.
dislikes: sitting longer than the time it takes to watch one movie, perfume, discount shopping, booze (will ONLY drink corona light with lime), when her daughters fight.
most embarrassing story: being the high school mascot.
favorite food: milano cookies.
glory moment: when i was born.
something wonderful i did for this person: bought her lip venom plumping gloss.
in 3 words: vigorous, resilient, contemplative.

likes: baseball (softball), having 4 daughters, the pastime tavern, golfing, waking up early, putting up christmas lights, Coors Light, cartoons, chick flick movies, taking naps with his fly undone, Jennifer Garner, farting.
dislikes: olives, people in the community who don't agree with building new sports facilities, any candy that is fruity/gummy, when anyone is mad at him,
most embarrassing story: i accidentally shaved his head the night before a big insurance convention. he thought he looked weird with a shaved head and bushy eyebrows, so he shaved them too.
favorite food: french dip sandwiches.
glory moment: all high school sports moments. the stories get better as he ages.
something wonderful i did for this person: pretended to like sports until i was a freshman in high school.
in 3 words: affable, riotous, resolute.

likes: volleyball, her boyfriend, pita pit, running, under armor, trashy TV, being mean, exercising, being busy, eating the entire edge of the hamburger and saving the very middle for last.
dislikes: uncleanliness, change, the police, mexican voldemort, books.
most embarrassing story: puffy po
favorite food: filet mignon.
glory moment: senior year state volleyball
something wonderful i did for this person: forced her to eat her boogers when we were little. hey, she had to try them sooner or later.
in 3 words: athletic, brooding, sensitive.

likes: music, God, harry potter, math, reading, sports bras, urban outfitters, worldly travels, serving others, mission work, stupid jokes, christmas, skiing.
dislikes: any kind of food she's never tried, mean people, moving quickly, making decisions, being Russ, yelling, birds.
most embarrassing story: in disneyland she had an accident in her shorts, so she had to buy and wear a pair of grey cotton elastic shorts with mickey mouse on them.
favorite food: ham.
glory moment: when volleyball ended/every time she gets back from a mission trip.
something wonderful i did for this person: gave her my old room, did the "funny dance" in the parking never gets old.
in 3 words: indecisive, delicate, kind.

likes: Lola666, volleyball, dancing, basketball, boys, softball, being bossy, inspirational quotes, loud music, clogging the toilet, eating.
dislikes: the nicknames M-dogg and Neil, sharing her bathroom, sleeping alone, people who break the rules, the beatles song "i wanna hold your hand."
most embarrassing story: when she asked what "masturbate" meant.
favorite food: pasta.
glory moment: when she got Lola.
something wonderful i did for this person: give her all my hand-me-downs.
in 3 words: spicy, dictatorial, inquisitive.

likes: hockey, good food, the sun, his truck, the history channel, annoying the cat, running/walking around at ALL times, saying stupid old person phrases like "steams my clams," and "hey gang!" the flower couch, cooking, two and a half men.
dislikes: when i have diarrhea, cleaning, his pancreas, shopping, drunk people, republicans, living in the northwest, being the center of attention.
most embarrassing story: when he sharted on the way to the doctors office and had to wipe with a D.A.R.E t-shirt./when his dad asked for his password to his account on the family was "vagina."
favorite food: literally anything.
glory moment: when i said yes.
something wonderful i did for this person: agreed to spend the rest of my life with him.
in 3 words: diffident, farcical, hurried.

likes: his ipod, the fe, his own personal extension of the college dream, TV, The Heartbeat, leaving the protective seal over new things for longer than need be (i.e. fridges, cellphones, watches, etc.), being in his underwear, face stubble, Forks Washington (not a Twilight fan, however...Forks is really his hometown), making nicknames for everyone he knows, a good bottle of rum, clothes, beer pong, stealing my heart necklace, getting out of bed 15 minutes before he has to be somewhere and actually getting there on time, talking.
dislikes: when i peel the protective seal over his new things, when people use his favorite t-shirt to wipe their ass with, the fugitive as his roommate, doing laundry, people who are stupid.
most embarrassing story: that time he dry shaved in the car on his way to work and got blood on his collar and bad cuts on his face.
favorite food: sophomore year: hotdogs.
glory moment: when, after a being separated from his friends during a rendezvous with the police, met back up with them randomly in the middle of a forest.
something wonderful i did for this person: gave him a Selah parks and recreation basketball tee.
in 3 words: radical, ruminative, prescient.

likes: being married, her family, her friends, champagne, being a teacher, cooking, shows on ABC, diesel and dagger (her cats), making things (i.e. bows, scrapbooks, arts & crafts of any kind really)
dislikes: large bodies of water, roly poly bugs, being embarrassed, picking the restaurant/movie/mall.
most embarrassing story: when i blamed a fart on her in 5th front of Josh Jacobs, the boy she liked.
favorite food: tomatoes and cottage cheese.
glory moment: her wedding/when she wiped the biggest greenest, reddest booger on her bunk at Camp Ghormley, then went back the next year only to find it still crusted and petrified in the same spot.
something wonderful i did for this person: became her friend.
in 3 words: phlegmatic, bashful, sweet.

likes: high school kids (she's a teacher), eating cheetos and licking her fingers only after she's eaten the very last one, alcohol, dancing to contemporary music, A-Rod, being cougar alumni, N*SYNC, crash diets, wet seal, running, Friends (the show....and her real friends), being organized, having a plan, cheez-it and mustard sandwiches.
dislikes: confrontation, cooking anything that wasn't frozen to start with, the Huskies, being called a geek, buying produce "it's a waste, i can never eat it in time."
most embarrassing story: fell off a dock. and it shocked her and she panicked so badly that she had to be rescued.
favorite food: hotdogs.
glory moment: anytime WSU wins anything.
something wonderful i did for this person: told her not to like Erich Holsten in 8th grade.
in 3 words: fastidious, maternalistic, solicitous.

likes: butterflies, collecting things, Lost, decorating her apartment according to the seasons, Seattle, being her alter-ego, bouncing, bunnies, her kitchenaid, UW, getting free drinks, her dad's workshop, Rick, Bun-Bun.
dislikes: any kind of domesticated animal, driving like a normal person, orange juice, bad boyfriends her friends have.
most embarrassing story: when she sewed her own thumb in the class entitled "Home and Family." had to get a tetanus shot and everything.
favorite food: cereal/chocolate covered gummi bears.
glory moment: while brushing her teeth in the car on the way to school, she spit out the window of the front seat and splattered the side of her mother's jeep with crest toothpaste foam.
something wonderful i did for this person: told her Chris was going to ask her out in 9th grade. well, i had to tell her, didn't i??
in 3 words: astute, loyal, circumspective.

likes: redneck behavior, huntin', being a republican/coug, meat, captain mo, Vegas, being a bitch, fast food for breakfast, Washington, Busch Light, immodium AD, pizza, southern accents.
dislikes: Arizona, the fact that law school is just like high school, sleeping in, talking about love, wheat, when people don't stand up for themselves.
most embarrassing story: answered door in college house at 8 am in her underwear...with ketchup on her face. and it was her landlord, wanting to show the house to potential residents.
favorite food: elk meat.
glory moment: her 21st birthday when she was dancing on the table in sparkly red shoes.
something wonderful i did for this person: make her laugh so hard she pees her pants. for reals.
in 3 words: officious, voluble, tenacious.

Juelz Santana:
likes: gin, Hannah Montana, being messy, the ding and dent center, forever21, music, instant messenger, watching movies over and over, tap dancing, procrastinating, the 80's.
dislikes: my pink-ness, showering with the door open, sharing her facebook password, jeans without back pockets.
most embarrassing story: when i caught her putting a frightful amount of mayonnaise on her sandwich.
favorite food: Arnie's pancakes.
glory moment: dance recitals in college.
something wonderful i did for this person: helped her discover her love for all things taylor swift.
in 3 words: silly, charitable, devoted.

likes: HAWAII, golf, the PX, the ocean, archibald sisters, Papa (sometimes), toddlers, Popoki (cat), Chewy (dog), JD (the dog ((RIP)) AND the whiskey), cooking, baking her buns in the Hawaiian sun, making up songs, Buzz's Mai Tais, playing freecell on the computer, arguing, exaggerating, her flip-flops with the metal beads in them.
dislikes: bad weather in Hawaii, when her golf game is not up to par (pun intended), Papa's snoring, Republicans, showing Papa her receipts from the PX.
most embarrassing story: when she sat on a chocolate on the plane, and stood up. it had looked like she shit her grey sweatpants.
favorite food: her own chicken curry with homemade cherry chutney.
glory moment: when she and Aunt Dot saw a whale in real life in the sound.
something wonderful i did for this person: followed suit to her personality in many ways.
in 3 words: jocular, eggheaded, bonkers

likes: a good deal, her dog Benny, spilling red wine...or any drink for that matter, the sea, sharks, gardening, her mini-laptop, lists, tulips, fluffy things, organizing, baths, her house, only buying books she's read and liked, fat free brownies, her persistent quest for Christian Louboutin look-alikes.
dislikes: needles, the "crook" (which is the place where your forearm and upper arm meet...the opposite side of one's elbow), gambling, her car.
most embarrassing story: that time she fell asleep eating pizza. she woke up the next morning, found a half-eaten piece in her armpit and finished it.
favorite food: fresh vegetables.
glory moment: whenever she gets an Anything Resume customer.
something wonderful i did for this person: lived with her sophomore year in college.
in 3 words: perspicacious, startling, facetious.


  1. Wow! This was a doozy. I was stifling laughs and not making any attempt to minimize my screen. Let me guess...your research involved a thesarus??

  2. this is awesome! you are so on with everyone! i love the pictures of all of us. my favorite food might be pizza, but elk meat would be my last meal so you're probably right. i don't know what the words you used to describe everyone mean but i'll look this up when i'm on spring break laying by the pool.

  3. of course it involved a thesaurus you fool. i love describing words.

  4. I seriously laughed as hard as I do watching AFV on this!! bbaaahahahhahflkaj;dlkf;adkjfl

  5. p.s. i do NOT like Rick. he is the devil and thankfully has retired. and I don't know if I would consider cereal my favorite food...but overall very impressed.

  6. I DO NOT LIKE CLOGGING THE TOILET!!!!! A am so embarrassed that you said that just so you know! and the worst part is every time I come out of the bathroom after I clog, i sigh and mom goes "did you start you period?" and I get really embarrassed and awkward and yell "NO MOM I CLOGGED THE TOILET!!!" And who doesn't like eating or inspirational quotes? And btw, the masturbate story is for family ears only. and I loved Charlie's embarrassing story hahaha. Overall very good, and VERY VERY embarrassing, I'm going to need a paper bag to put over my head. :)

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    Likes: Hawaii, Papa, golf, golf, golf,children and grandchildren, playing freecell on her 'puter, good books.
    Dislikes: Republicans, bigots and selfishness (same thing, aren't they?), balancing a checkbook.
    Glory Moment: swimming across the bay (2 1/2 miles)when I was 17/
    Most embarressing moment: On her wedding day, in the evening, she let forth a horrendous fart in a pharmacy in Carmel, Ca, and Papa was appalled.
    Favorite food: her own chicken curry with homemade cherry chutney
    Best thing I've done for her: loved her, nutty as she is.
    Description: OLD, funny, smart.

  9. mimi's embarrassing story is the BEST!

  10. Dear Girl, you know me better than I know myself, except I don't drink Jack Daniels,even in desperation.


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