Sunday, March 22, 2009

this really steams my clams...

first, i have to admit something terribly embarrassing. i babysat 11 kids yesterday (birth control to the maxx) and while we were making rubberband balls, i bent over to help a child, and yes, my jeans ripped. right down the middle of one thigh. and the children laughed. now, they were already destroyed denim, but it just made my thigh feel about the size of a Christmas Ham. so i called Crazylegs to tell her the story and she says, "well have you gotten fat?" thanks Crazylegs.

we have booked our honeymoon! a southern caribbean cruise. what a delight! i'll be stuck in a 10 by 10 room with JJ and his smelly self for seven nights! just kidding......kind of.

and here is something that really steams my clams: (term acquired by JJ. what an old man) you know when you have a favorite something? and you love it so much? then you get a slap in the face when you walk merrily into the store to replenish your stash, and you have such a good feeling like "wow, i can't wait to get a brand new one!" then you go to the place where it's usually at, and a huge rush of panic overcomes you when your product has been replaced by some new-fangled Hannah Montana something-or-other. then you stumble to the counter and ask where the hell your fave product is, and they salesperson is like, "sorry, we no longer carry that here." and you wonder why there is a reason for living.

why do all the good things disappear? it is so unjust. they want us to get attatched to their product, then when we do, they take the rug out from under us and discontinue the damn thing.

just a small collection of the things that are no longer:

1. Mary Key nail polish in classic red: 1.5 bottles left. well *#&% a duck. 2 coats is no longer a luxury i can afford.

2. grey lace Hollister tank: mine is hanging on by a thread. i've already knotted it 3 times on the right shoulder. what shall i do when it finally dies?

3. Bonnie Bell Eye Sugar (mocha-scented eyeshadow): what a little treat! you smell chocolate mocha all day long. just half the tube left. i've been saving it since high school.

4. The Original Wet Seal Tube Top: my white one is a liiiiittle greyish. but they now make them out of a cheap spandex-polyester blend. whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?!

5. VS Beauty Rush lip gloss in peach fizz: down to my last tube of it. use sparingly. (aka date nights)

6. The fuzzy chick stickers i got for Easter one year (circa 94): they were really cool!!!

7. black Champion hoodie from Target: zipper is now a green paperclip. i tried to buy a replacement last year but i was fooled! the imposter black hoodie had too short of arms and not enough stretch in the pockets.

8. Wet n' Wild sparkly powder: adds just the right amount of shimmer for a summer cheeky look. now you tell me why they would discontinue such a wonderful thing?

what kinds of wonderful things have been taken from YOU?



  1. O.K. Liz - have you heard of Bluing liquid. It'll take the grey right out of that white tube top you hold so dear [or, it you]. Read the directions carefully - buy as little as possible - it goes a long way. Have you tried to buy a button-down collared shirt of late? $#%*! Elaine's sponges. E.

  2. Bluing is okay, but better to soak that tube top for a couple of hours in water mixed with a little bit of electric dishwashing soap. Then throw in the washer with oxy clean and a little bleach (stay away from the fumes on this one, way toxic) and voila! White again. What have I lost? Try the figure I USED to have, and bunionless feet. As for products, ready made salad dressings change constantly, usually for the worst. And now they put too much sugar in everything. It is also tough to buy old-lady panties, as the racks and stacks are full of thongs and bikinis.

  3. here's what i miss: squeeze its, parkay squeeze butter, soft and dri aerosol deodorant (that one's for ron actually.haha!), wet and wild cream eyeshadow, the abercrombie gym issue line, the selah variety store, WET SEAL TUBES, and the bronzer i got on a cruise. If they ever discontinue blue chapstick i might have to be hospitalized i literally can't live without it. i forgot it for 3 hours while i was at the library today. it was pure hell.

  4. oh and i forgot cajun mcchickens. those were delicious.

  5. Oh, Selah Variety......that was the BEST!

  6. ok ok selah variety...clearly is missed by every selahn (as JJ likes to call us)

    BTW i saw sqeez-its just this year at a random grocery store!!! if i see them again i'll mail em to ya. we were never allowed to drink sqeez-its (aside from after parks and rec soccer games) because of the sugar content.

  7. here's another: mellow yellow. way better than mountain dew or any other yellow soda. but no where to be found.


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