yesterday they warned us there would be a detour to work because of construction on the main road. do you think i remembered? NO. i came to southeast blvd. this morning, chatting away on the phone with my ma about how JJ and i think Cleopatra is mildly retarded. poor thing. when all of a sudden i come to a giant orange sign blocking my way. now i am a terrible driver, and the last thing i need is a detour. i mean i kept the mapquest printout directions to work for 2 months after i got the job "just in case." today i just panicked. i said, "gottagomomdetourbye" and hung up. then i just followed cars. i followed them and i got lost. i turned around 3 times, then i got all higgelty pigglety and backwards. i ended up on this road that i had never heard of but had a taco bell on it, then just started driving really slowly to see if i could figure it out. THEN I SAW IT BUT PASSED IT! a big green "rockwood" sign. i silently whispered thank you to God and took the next street to turn around and get backon track. i pulled into the parks and recreation center and went around in 2 circles because it was a oneway. it was like chutes and ladders the game. except i never got a latter. only the chutes.
then i finally get into the entrance and find my way to my building. i get out of the car and i realize my shoe is untied. now i know what you're thinking. i am not wearing tennis shoes to work. they are high heel booties with a shoelace. sounds weird but they're real cute i swear. anyway, i look down at my shoelace and it's just dangling there. well, i'm wearing a pencil skirt and therefore cannot physically bend over. just can't. then i see one of the housekeepers who i am friendly with, pull into the parking lot and i think "well, i will walk into work with her!" so i walk over to her car and i say, "hello Denise!" and she screamed. i scared her. of course. and she's old. she was like "oh my, you scared me!" then she had to go the opposite way so i didn't even get to walk with her. it was really awkward. she was like, "oh. i uh, have to go this way...maybe you should get going so you're not late to work honey." thanks. so i start walking and cursing myself for being so stupidly awkward. and i remember that my shoelace is untied. and i start to trip but catch myself before utterly failing and ending up with my face on the pavement. and the pencil skirt was not a good idea this morning. i try to bend over once more and don't even get past my knees, so i take off the damn shoe and hobble into work with one stockinged foot.
by this time i am ten minutes late and the custodian feels the need to remind me this. HEY ASSHOLE I REALIZE I'M RUNNING LATE DON'T YOU SEE ONE SHOE IN MY HAND?!?! LIKE, I AM HOLDING MY OWN SHOE, SHOULDN'T THAT BE AN INDICATOR OF THE KIND OF MORNING I AM HAVING?! GIVE ME AN EFFING BREAK WILL YA.
i get to my desk, sit down, sigh heavily and realize it's that time. 8 am. and it's bad today. so i have to call The Poop Nazi to come to my desk. i rush to the bathroom and when i come out P.N. is playing solitaire on my computer. i'm like, "i'm back thank you" and she said, "uh-huh." and i just stand there, waiting for her to get the eff out of my chair, but she's still just playing. IS SHE SERIOUS?!?! i wanted to grab her by the mullet and drag her away.
stupid stupid morning.