Sunday, May 10, 2009

freshman year of life: completed.

dear class of 09: good luck. the freshman year of life is a real shit pile. love, Lacie.

a year ago today:

1.) i was graduating college in a fabulous dress and sparkles on my cap.

2.) i was going out for ONE LAST NIGHT in Spoke, wearing white jeans. (picture above)

3.) i was jobless.

4.) i was headed to Europe in 2 weeks

5.) i had a great haircut.

6.) i had a great boyfriend

7.) while packing my room, Pap, my elderly grandfather, was insisting on carrying the bed down the stairs. when we said no he declared, "god dammit let me do something i'm not a god damn cripple." then he teeters and loses his footing, heading downward on the stairs and Sam had to catch him.

8.) i was not looking forward to life after college.

9.) i cried the whole way back to Selah, sobbing and staring out the window while JJ drove. (i also cried in my parents' car on the way to college 4 years earlier)

10.) i had said goodbye to the kids i babysat through college.

11.) i had bawled in the airport saying goodbye to The Black Dahlia, with Juelz Santana and Crazylegs.

12.) i had one last forlorn look at my Big Blue house, the place where my greatest college memories happened.

13.) i had one last ultimate bagel.


1.) i still live in Spoke. all that dramz for nothing. but it really sucks living in Spoke when you're no longer in college.

things i learned in college:

1.) don't drink whiskey

2.) always lie to the police

3.) themed parties=the best parties

4.) avoid baseball players

5.) live alone at some point in your life

6.) always be the center of attention

7.) make a friend who is just as crazy as you are

8.) don't try to sneak your cat into your house when there is a strict 'no cats' policy.

9.) make friends with an accredited professor

10.) lock your doors at night (so a homeless person doesn't steal your gucci purse, fill it with cat poop and throw it in the dumpster.)

11.) always carry immodium

12.) clothes are always more important than food

13.) friends are always more important than school

14.) never leave the house without your backpack

15.) always flirt to get free drinks


  1. Freshman, what do they know!
    1] don't drink whiskey neat. on rocks w/ a 5 minute melt-down rest is o.k. or on rocks, water, twist fantastic'
    2] never lie to the police, but never proffer any info other than "yes" "no" "don't know" and always put your hands on the wheel and ask for permission to get into the glovebox and after building a modicum of report, ask kindly about their probable cause for stopping you if it isn't already apparant & get their last name off their badge
    3] any party is a good party [except the republicans, commys, fascists & jihadists]
    4] avoid bad people in general and fools in particular
    5] base your hapiness on anothers/others sometimes
    6] never be the center of attention
    7] make a friend who is just as crazy as you are
    8] don't get caught sneaking your cat into a "no cats" establishment
    9] make friends with many
    10] lock your doors always! always! always!
    11] always carry a tune
    12] food is more important than clothes
    13] friends are always more important than most anything
    14] never leave the house without brushing your teeth & looking in the mirror
    15] always buy a flirt a free drink if your're single, you might get lucky

  2. you should add one more thing on there: don't go to grad school.

  3. Did #10 actually happen to you?!?!?!?!?!?!?! ewewewewewewewewewew.

  4. nope mary, that would be pooooor monica.


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