on wednesday i was babysitting, and i brought Cleo over to play in the big backyard. M, S and i were outside playing cards, and i muttered under my breath, "c'mon Cleo, take a dump," i was willing her to empty her bowels whilst outside, rather than at home inside. well, M hears me say this and says "what does 'take a dump' mean?" oh good Lord, i thought....and said, "well....it just means take a poo-poo. i just want Cleo to go potty while we are outside." she ponders this, and says, "well then, i need to take a dump myself."
yesterday M and S had a friend over and we were at the park climbing "the web" (they were climbing, i was not. short dress) the children dubbed me the black widow (thanks) and they were brown recluses. M asked why i wasn't climbing and i said "because i don't want anyone on the ground to see my hiney." the friend asks, "what's a hiney?" and very kindly, S replies, "it's the thing you squirt poop and hot air from." i couldn't have said it better myself.
the thing about kids is that they are not bashful about poop. as adults, we never excuse ourselves from the dinner table like this: "pardon, i have to take a gigantic shit right this minute or i will explode," we say, "excuse me," and leave it at that.
kids will tell ya exactly what they're doing when they're doing it. S's latest favorite thing to do is fart and say, "L smell it! smell it!" poop is a totally shameless topic of conversation for children, and i seem to prompt many of them unknowingly. i can only use my blog as an apology outlet to their mother. sorry, C.