Friday, June 12, 2009

mold sux

i haven't worked my normal schedule in 5 weeks. i have had 5 weekends in a row, off. now that i have had the luxury of having weekends off, i do not want to go back to work. in fact, i may perhaps go back in sweatpants and crocs. i'll get fired for sure!

yesterday i cleaned my house. we need room for wedding gifts. i found: a giant light-up pumpkin, a picture of my old dog jack taking a dump (courtesy of MM), a bottlecap to a hornsby, (Crazylegs and my drink of choice), 3 packets of unopened lifesavers, christmas wrapping paper, Chanel's hairbrush, an opened tampon, etc.

i put away: our new popcorn machine, the magic bullet, my kitchenaid, oil and vinegar set, new chandelier, and much much more. i had to leave stuff at my parents house because it won't all fit in the mobile home (you see, i think i have discovered it's only funny when me and JJ call it a mobile home....no one else).

well, the thing about cleaning house is that triumphant feeling when the job is complete. like, you seriously don't rest until every pillow is fluffed and in place. and you have no idea how the time has passed. and you get sidetracked, looking at things you otherwise would have forgotten. well i worked all morning from 9 am until 2:30. at 2:30 i realized i was still in my t-shirt (sans undies) that i had worn to bed. and i had to be at work at 3. yiiiiiikes!!!

so i quickly got dressed, imaging the whole time, how delish a cheese sandie on white bread sounded. i was salivating when i finally reached the cupboard, and i pulled out the bread.....and.....my heart sank. for there, right in the middle of my perfectly decadent loaf of country potato bread, was a purplish-greenish mold spot. and you know, when this happens and you are really crunched for time, you just take the first 2 slices and toss them, sometimes finding a non-moldy, or molded-slightly-so-you-can-just-peel-off-the-moldy-parts slice. but NO, not this time, folks. this time the mold went through the entire loaf. the entireeeeee loaf!!!! i was so angry. so i ate a bag of movie theater butter popcorn for lunch. (knowing how bad it is to the intestines)

then at work (did you all know i'm a nanny/babysitter as well as receptionist extraordinaire?) around 5, the baby was crying and not happy with life, and a wave of the Big D hit. now you tell me: when is the worst time to get the Big D besides on your wedding day in a white dress?? (Pray God this will not happen to me. i will eat nothing but rice and water on my wedding day) when a baby is screaming and needs your attention, while a 5-year-old and 3-year-old are wanting to play, and the children are not your own, (and neither is the toilet). THAT'S WHEN. 

5 comments:

  1. popcorn poppers are the shit! great gift.

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  2. put your bread in the fridge when you have like half a loaf left and for god sakes don't eat popcorn unless its from an air popper. the movie theater stuffs gives me the Big D with a mix of machine gun gas i'm always the one laughing uncontrollably in the stall at my loud ass post movie.

    oh and BS you're eating only rice, you'll eat t bell and you know it. but since M is your MOH i believe its her job to hold up your dress so you don't get poo on it.

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  3. it sounds like you need imod on the wedding day... p.s .do not get poop on your lower back(this happen to L before in her shorts on a work day in the cubicle.)

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  4. thanks monica. you bitch.

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  5. Hard Cider. Nice. I have no idea about all of your disgruntled bowels and the pop corn thing. Potato bread. Nice. Don't, do not, put your bread in the fridge. Ruins it. Fucks it all to hell. Only grab slices w/ clean, dry hands & get rid of all air in the bag b4 resealing w/out squishing the loaf. I wonder if your bread cabinet is somewhere where moisture has an inroad [e.g. above the sink or stove]? If so, relocate to dry, dark place [put a fridge-type baking soda box in that cabinet]. Anyway, you gals have a lot to learn about domestic bliss. Good luck with that.

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