Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Soiled Marriage Gifts

this is what happened while i was away at my bachelorette party:

Cleo had locked herself in the bathroom whilee JJ was at work on Friday and taken 4 small pisses on our brand new pottery barn rug we got from my shower.

after being washed about 8 times to get the yellow out, the rug just doesn't have quite the lustre or pillowy soft feel under your feet as it once did.

this is how i awoke today at 5am:

Chanel running her fat self around, running into the blinds on purpose. this is her way of saying "feed me bitches." so JJ got up and went to feed her. and i stirred around in bed, only to have gently dipped my toe in a Liquid Substance. i sat straight up, while JJ was standing over me. and together we peered at the Liquid Substance.

it was bile. as in dog bile. there was also 2 harder objects covered in the bile: 2 industrial strength rubberbands. my stupid stupid dog swallowed 2 rubberbands then barfed them up on the brand new calvin klein comforter we got for my wedding shower. and what did JJ say? as usual, when Cleo does a naughty deed, he said "look what your dog did." like it was all my fault.

i glared at the dog. but she just looked at me with the sweet eyes so i patted her head and told her it was ok.

why does she choose to destroy the new presents!? why can't she just stick to taking dumps/pees/barfs on the old big white rug in the living room we have deemed "Cleo's Toilet" ??


i can't wait to see what other wonderful marriage gift will be soiled this afternoon when i get home.


  1. Wow, I hope Emily doesn't read this. She'll understand.....I think. She has naughty animals too. Hang in there. Just like tennis shoes, carpets get better with age and use.

  2. don't worry, barf comes out of down comforters... i may or may not have vommed on one in college... maybe.

  3. not the new comforter!!!! at least you have a washing machine in your home. I would have to walk my stuff to the laundry matt. =eh!


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