Thursday, August 27, 2009

Cleo's Crystal Light

Cleo in the car

i know i write an ungodly amount of blogs about my dog. but she is so stupid it's funny. whenever she runs into the oven door, or pees on the sidewalk and steps in it, instead of peeing in the grass like a normal dog...or barks at the reflection of the TV in the window, JJ and i just look at each other and go "ohawww. she's so stupid," in the kind of voice you would use to talk to a baby. (case in point: as i type this, JJ is talking to her in the annoyingly sweet baby-like voice saying, "hello you disgusting little stupid animal. you're a vermin" ...because she brought her soggy rawhide bone onto the bed and it touched his leg) like we hate her but every time we look at her, she melts our hearts and we can't help but love her. she is just this idiot creature that we took into our home. the dumb thing. we just pity her. and she is so cute it hurts.

this afternoon i had to work, so at 9 am i ran some errands. i took Cleo with me because she loves to ride in the car. i recently made the best purchase of my life (well actually my mom bought it for me the last time i was home because my sisters got to go school shopping and my mom originally said "nothing for you." then she changed her mind and bought me dog food, sharpies and my new favorite thing. thanks momz). my new favorite thing is: a giant black plastic cup with a skull and crossbones on it. i love it because i take it into (retirement community) work filled with crystal light. it just makes me feel like a smug bastard because i'm smiling and saying "good morning Doris and Harry" but all the while i am holding this dark cup filled with a refreshing beverage. the whole thing is so contradictory i just love it.

this morning i filled my cup with crystal light (cherry limeade! which JJ is no longer allowed to drink outside of the kitchen because we have a cherry limeade stain the size of africa on our RENTAL CARPET ...i tell you the man needs a sippy cup) and hopped into the car with Cleo. we drove to target (she just loves the wind in her hair) and i parked, rolled the window down a crack for her (dogs aren't allowed in targets otherwise she would have been in my handbag) and went in to do my shopping. when i came out, she was laying in her spot (in the passenger seat all snuggled up in her "car blanket" a yellow, white and pink checkered blanket that i inevitably use every time i spill fry sauce on my lap, which is a lot. like a lot a lot. like i'm not going to tell you how many times i eat d'lish cheeseburgers minus the patty each week). basically the blanket is kind of gross. in fact, if you took a peek into my car you might think it belonged to the 800 pound woman on TLC.

anyway, i see Cleo in her spot, then i look at her face, and GUILT is written all over it.

then i notice..........

her beard is stained red.

and i briefly panic because i'm like OMG should i call the vet, my 6 pound dog just drank at least 8 ounces of crystal light. then i remember that it's practically just water (no sugar no calories, says so right on the box) so i look at her ready to yell at the dumb thing and she just tilts her head in the way dogs do and she is so adorable i want to squeeze her. and i say in the sweet baby-voice "oh you stupid little dumb shit, crystal light isn't for doggies," and i pat her head. she looks at me a for a bit longer, then sticks her head back into my skull cup and finishes off my cherry limeade crystal light. ajskdfhjasdkfhhkfs CLEO!!!!!!!!!!

3 comments:

  1. Aww so funny! What kind of dog is Cleo? He looks just like my sister's little Bishon-poodle! Too cute.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yorkie maltese...and they're both supposed to be intelligent breeds.

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  3. Liz,your pooch is mentally challenged. Everyone who has spent 2 minutes with her knows that. Clean your ride! Thanks for the artwork!

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