Saturday, August 8, 2009

name game

does ANYONE know how much of a pain in the ASS it is to change your last name legally?

well, let me enlighten you.

first is the s.s. card. that was relatively painless. i just went in, waited, and got the biz done.

next was opening a joint account with JJ. i went in alone first, but they needed proof (aka JJ present) to be convinced that i really got married. so i went again the next day and brought JJ in with me. an hour later, our joint account was activated.

in order to use my new debit card and/or checks, i needed an ID with my new name on it. but i couldn't get one because my extensions turned orange on my honeymoon and i couldn't have orange hair in my license eww! so i had to schedule a hair appointment. then AFTER my appointment i went to the DOL aka Hell and took my number and waited an hour to stand in a cubicle facing Cheryl aka Hades. i presented our marriage certificate and proof that my s.s. was changed. she looked at me impatiently and said, "your certificate is not certified." i was like "what do you mean the certification is not certified? i got my s.s. changed." she rolled her eyes visibly and said, "you have to take it back to the state and get it certified." then she looked right past me and called the next number. rude. i turned on my heel and stormed out, stomping all the way out the door and muttering "fudge" (fudge is my new favorite "cuss" word. because it's much more pleasant than the "F word" but you still get the same thrill out of screaming FUDGEEEE)

so the next morning at 8:30 am i drove to Coeur d'Alene to get the certification "certified." i put quotations around "certified" because all the certification is: a zeroxed copy of the original with the signature of the white trash Idaho worker on it. and it was two whole dollars. i just stared at it and said, "that's it?" so i drove back and went straight to the DOL again. only this time is was Hell amplified. every seat was taken, there were screaming babies (the signature item at government agencies), people lined up out the door, asshole government employees (why are they all so terribly rude?), businessmen in power suits sweating, secretly praying their DUIs magically disappear. i did one room sweep with my eyes, turned on my heel and said "fudge." i was so mad i went to D'Lish Hamburger and got a cheeseburger minus the patty, fries and a diet coke. i ate it all in the parking lot, then went to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

the next morning i was ready. i set my alarm for 7:30 am and was in my car at 8:15. i arrived (not first) among the early smart birds, and waited only a mere hour and fifteen minutes before they called my name. i hopped up and strolled to the counter. Cheryl (Hades) again. "hi. i got married. here's the certification." Hades looks at it, charges me ten dollars, asks me how much i weigh and sends me to get my photo taken. i walk up to the woman behind the camera and hand her my receipt. she said very unenthusiastically, "stand behind the line look at the blue button." and i said, "is my hair OK?!" she just stared at me, then closed her eyes and said, "ye." (like a halfway yes, and yeah, and i don't give an F.) so i stood how i normally do for pictures: feet crossed, left hand on hip and head tilted slightly to the right. BBC (biotch behind camera) heavily sighs and says, "straighten up please." and i was like "oksorry." so i did but i still kept my head tilted. BBC gets real annoyed with me this time and says loudly, "look at the blue button and straighten your head." everyone in the DOL was staring at me. i wanted to shout at BBC and Hades and all government workers "SORRY I'M NOT A ROBOT" but i didn't. i took the little copied card out of BBC's hands and looked at my new license: me, only totally boring. i have a slightly irritated look across my eyes and my head is not tilted at all. totally. not. me.

JJ said i look the same as i always do. but i don't. well it's official i'm LEGH now. only took me a week, a tank of gas and twenty-six dollars (for the "certification," the license fee, and the hamburger meal and movie ticket i had to buy out of frustration)

4 comments:

  1. i HATE the dol and he mean nasty white trash people that work there. i totally love that you tried to tilt your head twice. haha, idiot. love you legh!

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  2. kari! you learned how to comment! welcome to 2009! ha ha ha. of course i tried to head tilt twice, it's my nature.

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  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. hmm I don't think I want to experience this maddness. p.s. thanks for writing 348472 blogs while I was gone for a week! talk about catching up.

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