Sunday, August 30, 2009

sundays with oldies

besides the fact that i'm 99 percent sure Jamie in maintenance saw me itch my crotch this morning (NOT A YI), every sunday is the same.

there is a church service on sundays. and at 8 am, Mavis in 519 comes down to pick up the basket that is used to collect the offering. church starts at 10:30 and at 10:27 Pastor Gail comes up to my desk and asks me how my day is, and i always feel a pang of guilt because here i am, looking up "sexy halloween costumes for 2009" on google, and she is in her long robe thing and has a Bible in her hand. (note: on the rare sunday when i am hungover and wearing a smelly tshirt and linen pants with a stretchy maternity-like waistband, i feel extra ashamed in front of the Pastor) the truth is, JJ and i would probably go to church way more often if i didn't have to work on sundays. but i can pretty much hear the Pastor's sermons, and i can see just a glimpse of the Jesus stained glass window from my desk, so i feel like i kind of get a church experience.

at 10:33 i count the offering and put it in the revenue box. i'm on the trust system. and i am trustworthy. the last lady who worked in accounts payable got fired for stealing the church offering. she probably isn't going to have a pleasant afterlife.

Irene in 26 leaves her wheelchair by my desk, and she always leaves one strand of white hair out under her full brown wig. Roy in 637 says, "well how's Tracy this sunday?" and i say that i am fine even though that's not my name. and Scotty in 323 farts upon his exit from the elevator, i kid you not, EVERY SUNDAY, and he looks up at me and i say "hello Scotty!" and pretend i didn't hear the snoic boom fart he let out. and Marlene in 723 comes down in her "church outfit" which consists of: an enormous bright yellow Columbia polar fleece jacket with matching yellow loafers, green ployester pants and red lipstick. Wendell and Jesse in 523 come out of the elevator huffing about not wanting to eat chicken cordon bleu AGAIN for lunch (every Sunday the dining room serves that...very rarely do Wendell and Jesse get lucky with sunday crab cakes or beef tenderloins) and Bev in 502 comes down at 10:45 and asks when church started. i say "10:30" and point her in the right direction.

at 11:15, i put down everything i'm doing and watch this until lunch:

congratulations, you get to see the view from my desk.

would you check out those fancy new walkers they make these days? they practically have power steering and the brakes on those things are better than the ones in my car.

anyway, the residents, they gather like this, in flocks after church, talking about the weather, gardening, family, and who's in the hospital. and though they are sympathetic for those not doing well, they crave the information. they are like perez hilton time a thousand, only old. they just talk and talk and talk about anyone and everyone. they are a bunch of gossiping geese.

every sunday is the same. the only thing that changes is the tone of Scotty's fart.

1 comment:

  1. The experience of working amongst the elderly will serve you well through life in a myraid of ways yet unforseen; years after leaving Rockwood Paper Scissors. Do yo think the elevator coming to an abrupt stop jostles his bowles like clockwork?


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