Saturday, August 22, 2009

YI Doomsday

before you read this, please know that i had a really hard time writing this. i debated with myself for about 20 minutes on whether or not i should indulge you with this mortifying experience. i decided that you, the people, have a right to know the intricate details of my bizzare life. so, you're welcome.

i got married. and therefore kicked off my parents' health insurance. and since i don't work "full-time," i had to get my own plan. and since my dad is my insurance agent, he found me a good one. FYI: to be added to JJ's plan, it was $250/month. i was like I CAN'T DO THAT IT'S LIKE 87% OF MY INCOME.

anyway, i had to fill out a health questionnaire for my new plan, and it was verrrry specific. i was like i don't have arthritis, or depression or hernias, i'm totally cool. this is totally cake. then. my heart stopped and my blood ran cold. the question read, "do you or have you ever had chronic bacterial vaginosis (vaginitis) or candida yeast (yeast infections) within the last 10 years?"

you see, i'm....."sensitive." and in the summer of 2007, i had some issues "down there" requiring doctor visits and Monistat, if you know what i mean. alright, i'll say it: YIs, YEAST INFECTIONS. (i'm blushing, OH THE BURN!) and please, all you women, agree with me: NOTHING ON THIS EARTH, NOT EVEN A BAD OUTFIT, IS WORSE THAT A YI.

i was all "mom, i can't write that on this form, Jamie will read it and he'll never look at me the same again (Jamie works with my dad, and was the one to process my health information). and my mom was like, "well, if you get another one, and it doesn't show up as a pre-existing condition, then your insurance will think you lied and they won't cover it." and i was like, "OH MY GOD MOM SHUT UP IT'S NOT A 'CONDITION' IT WAS JUST A FEW MONTHS OF YIs." i stared at the question for like 15 minutes, trying to figure out how to answer it in a way that won't make it look like i have serious major vagina issues. sisters CA and MM just laughed cruelly.

in the end, i put "yes, in the summer of 2007, but never again since." (double underlined). i gave the info to my dad, and now all i can think of is how his business partner, who has known me for over 10 years, now knows, that, at some point in my life, i, LGH, had chronic vaginitis.

6 comments:

  1. The technical name is "rotten crotch".

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  2. hahahaha SHUT UP mimi! the troopah calls it "curds and whey." sick. and don't worry, my freshman year in college i missed class and wanted the 2% extra credit so my professor requested proof that i was really sick on the day of. i was in the hospital for a colonoscopy. and the professor was hot. he sent me an email "Stephanie, I saw your note. Your absence was indeed excused. Hope you're feeling better. Brian" FML

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  3. hahahahahahahhahaha omg. your absence was indeed excused. shut up hahahahjhskdsf

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  4. I've never felt so close to you like I do now :)

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  5. You are right... YI is waaayyy worse then a bad outfit...
    (im shuddering at the thought of a YI)

    ReplyDelete

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