so remember that blog about my good friend Thais? well, as luck would have it, the ol crabby patty got a speeding ticket. i felt that karma served her well. and this is the e-mail she felt the need to write to her coworkers here at the retirement community:
"Watch out for speed traps on Ray St., especially coming up hill, as the guys on motorcycles are handing out tickets, big time. If you go 10 miles over the limit, it will cost you $143.00. Funny, I had just come from Lowe’s and saw 2 street gals working & I wondered why they weren’t there & instead they were stopping me. I got a ticket. Boo Hoo!"
so she literally sent an e-mail to the entire staff alluding to hookers.
in spite of myself i was like "ha ha" and i even told my mom how karma finally got Thais.
what happens next my friends?
I GET A SPEEDING TICKET THE NEXT DAY.
damn you, karma.
this ain't my first rodeo. speeding tickets are as much a part of me as my own anus. i think that was #7 in all the years i have been driving. i am much like my boy Jay-Z in his song "99 problems" specifally this part:
The year's '94 and my trunk is raw
In my rear view mirror is the mother fuckin' law
I got two choices y'all pull over the car or (hmmm)
Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jay.
Plus i got a few dollars i can fight the case
So I...pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know
doesn't that just sound like my life?? no??
note to self: ask Sam's cop boyfriend what sort of things i can do to avoid ticketage. because obviously being hot doesn't work.
i called my parentals and told them. my dad/insurance agent advised me to try and get the ticket erased from my record, as my car insurance would skyrocket otherwise. so i signed up for "Traffic School"
i had to go back to the place i hated most in the world. a place where i was punished for my underage collegiate crimes. (i.e. collegiate mip...ps doesn't everything in life sound better with the word "collegiate" written in front of it? collegiate mathematics, collegiate beer pong league, collegiate social hour. you get the idea) anyway.....i had to go to THE COURTHOUSE.
and i hate that place. it makes my skin crawl. and i get so uncomfortable with all the freaks/criminals around that place that i get fidgety. and the incompetence at government institutions, i have said it before. the first lady directed me to window 9. i waited in line. the window 9 lady said "oh, sorry, you need to go to window 2." the window 2 lady said, "oops, you need to go to window 7." window 7 lady wrote some useless bs on a piece of paper and directed me to the sheriff's window. i mean honestly, if anyone knew anything about the law in this building, i could have been done in 5 minutes. but instead i had to be in that horrible building for 25 minutes. and i was so frusted i started muttering dirty words under my breath, thus reducing me to the kind of person that frequents the courthouse.
i am signed up for Traffic School. a 6 hour class where you watch videos on how to drive. i may learn a thing or two, we all know i'm not the best behind the wheel. but i hope i do not contract "courthouse crazy" while i'm at it.
tune in for more after the class is completed.