Saturday, September 19, 2009

no.

things that are always a no.

the garlic fries at the mariner game.
coffee and/or a hotdog before a gynecological appointment.
going to a country concert sans cowboy boots and hat.
going into a bathroom after someone has had the hershey squirts in there.
a real fur jacket.
dirty feet in bed.
popping a butt zit.
christmas without a tree.
a cheese sandwich without mayonnaise.
the movie "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"
farting in target on accident when you're right next to someone.
condom machines.

and last but MOST IMPORTANTLY, this:



i am going to try and not lose my temper. but seriously. this is groomer fail number 3. and this time i did so much research. i took her to a spa. a DOG SPA for crying out loud and they turn her into this. like, is that even a dog? no. it's a white rat. i told the woman i wanted to keep her face and body fluffy and full, just to brush out the knots, and i specifically said, "please do not shave her." and i pick up my dog and she looks like this. i wanted to cry. and the woman, after she took away Cleo's only redeeming factor (her cuteness), had the audacity to tell me that her ears were in bad shape. her ears. she said i was feeding her the wrong kind of food. i feed her iams. the most expensive damn food on the market. and what the hell does food have to do with her ears?

and now my dog is unlovable again. i called JJ on the way home from the "groomer" and he said all noble like, "well i can still love her even when she's ugly." wow. let's call you mother teresa. you're so nice. i said, "wait until you see her." for the record, he grimaced noticeably.

WHY CAN'T I FIND A DECENT GROOMER!! HELP!! 911!!

4 comments:

  1. i feel like the garlic fries are a yes depending on who you're with. but yes cleo's do is a no.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i have to disagree with you on the garlic fries. It's really the only reason i drive all those miles to Seattle to watch a losing team. Although they won in the 14th last week at the game i went to. GO M"S!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. ok ok ok. let me rephrase the garlic fry statement.

    garlic fries are ALWAYS a yes BEFORE you eat them. but when you're finished and about to take a huge garlicky dump, and burping huge garlicky burps, you think to yourself, "self, why the hell were you such a pig? why did you have to eat all the garlic fries??" and then you're like "i'm never eating them again!!!" but you do eat them. again. and again. and again.

    so, in conclusion, the mariner garlic fries are a yes, however, once we discover the havoc the wreak on our bodies, we have to admit, they are a NO.

    ReplyDelete

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