Tuesday, September 8, 2009

undomestic goddess

things i can do quite well:

1. tie my shoes
2. ride a bike
3. eat 4 ice cream sandwiches in one sitting
4. smile and greet old people all day
5. scream really really loud
6. find a good bargain
7. wipe my own ass
8. wipe baby P's ass
9. read
10. put together an outfit
11. facebook
12. be funny
13. love JJ
14. drink wine

things i cannot do:

1. drive
2. play any kind of sport
3. ride a skateboard
4. shop at goodwill
5. be domestic
6. cat's cradle
7. watch someone else brush their teeth
8. drink whisky
9. play videogames
10. poop with the door closed
11. math
12. enjoy scary movies
13. take showers frequently
14. COOK



i cannot cook worth a god damn. seriously. my good friend and boss CPG is such a dear. she is an absolutely amazing cook, and the leftovers in her fridge are the best i've ever tasted. she wanted to teach me how to cook, so she did. enchiladas. and when i made them with her, they were delicious.

HOWEVER.

tonight i wanted to surprise JJ by making him the delicious enchiladas. (he had a bad day, starting with his new D&G cologne shattering into the sink). i even got a litttttle ahead of myself and texted him "i have a huge surprise for you" and got him all riled up.

then i carefully followed the recipe directions for the enchilada sauce....everything looked good.

then i taste tested and......... WHKJHTIUAJH WHAT THE HELL DID I PUT INTO MY MOUTH?! it tasted like burnt rubber and weeds. i reread the directions, and i did everything right! i wondered if i had been too hard on myself and tasted it again then spit it out. still rubber and weeds.

so i cried. and i called JJ and told him the "surprise" and he said "it's ok, you're a good wife, you don't need to cook" and i said "no i'm a crap wife who can't do anything but fail." and he told me stop being ridiculous and that he would bring home something to fix the enchiladas.

canned enchilada sauce....hey, ya win some, ya lose some.

2 comments:

  1. i don't know if i agree with you being able to ride a bike well. and i also disagree when you say you can't drive well. you are a good driver... well better than stephanie, but that doens't say much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. alright i admit i'm not a very good driver. but i didn't realize it was a competition. and i guarantee if i get a ticket i won't cry like a bitch like she did.

    ReplyDelete

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