Sunday, October 25, 2009

farting is not a crime

Juelz Santana came gallavanting into town this weekend, and we decided to go a little crazy with our outfits (leopard tights and sequins shorts were included) we went to dinner at catacombs and ate the always delicious tomato bisque spicy soup and caprese salad complete with a bottle of house red.

we had such a wonderful time chatting about life and love and how/when Juelz is going to move out of her mom's house. then we decided to go for drinks at an ol favorite college bar, J & D's. we shared some laughs over our Frank's Special drinks, then we picked up JJ from work and went to a party. said party was fun for a bit, while we said hello to some old friends. (and a new one for me! i have a new spoke friend and she is cool. she agrees that transitioning into adulthood blows)

then we went home so JJ could change out of his work clothes. back to J and D's to see good friend Red G, whose underwear i didn't even see last night (that's a first Red G, and i'm kind of mad about it) at this point, the tomato bisque spicy soup wasn't really sitting well in my stomach, so i relieved myself and farted. BFD. i "quietly whispered" to Juelz of my flatulence. some people overheard, and the secret was out. it spread like wildfire. within an instant, the entire bar was plugging their noses and staring at me. one boy was even pointing at me and said, "it was THAT girl." "FUDGE," i said to myself, "self, you are really in a pickle now." i first almost died of embarrassment, but then i just got annoyed. LIKE CALM DOWN PEOPLE. IT WAS A FART. YOU HAVE ALL FARTED IN THIS BAR AT LEAST A DOZEN TIMES IN YOUR COLLEGE CAREER, QUIT ACTING LIKE I'M A DISGUSTING WARTHOG.

then Juelz heard it: the confirmation that i don't know how to be a normal person and therefore do not belong in bars, and that mean girls truly do exist..."how is SHE married and i'm still single?" because you're a bitch, that's why.

ALL BECAUSE OF ONE FART.

i asked JJ this morning "you do still love me even though i farted in J & D's and everyone smelled it and pointed and laughed at me like i was in the circus?" he grumbled and laughed and let out a fart himself. i will take that as a yes, a definite yes.

2 comments:

  1. holy hell! like that girl has never farted and cleared a room before, come on people!!! and in your defense, you have a weak tummy. its not your fault.

    ReplyDelete
  2. some farts are near-feloneous acts. take the 5th next time.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...