Saturday, October 31, 2009

halloween is for chumps

last tuesday at lunch (yes, i ate in the employee break room. we ran out of cheese at home so i didn't have anything to take for lunch) and there was a discussion about halloween costumes at work. one of my coworkers says, "L, i bet you have some good costumes," and i just stared at her thinking "oy, i have sexy kitten, sexy sailor, sexy french maid, sexy peacock and sexy fanta soda-pop girl. (SEE BELOW: COMMON THEME: RAH)




(SENIOR YEAR: NIGHT TWO: FANTANAS order: The Black Dahlia, Me, Rah, Moon)


which one shall i wear to work to get fired in? wow, that might be a cool way to be remembered...The Girl Who Wore A Bejeweled Bra And Underwear That Was Supposed To Represent A Bird Costume To Work And Got Canned....." then i snapped back to attention..."uh, costumes are lameee..." and she was like "oh hush, i bet you have some good ones." i was like LADY OF COURSE I HAVE SOME GOOD ONES THEY ARE THE SHIT. BEST COSTUMES YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE BUT, OUTSIDE OF COLLEGE, WILL GIVE PEOPLE THE IDEA THAT I AM A COMMON WHORE. and there isn't a CHANCE IN HELL i'm wearing a black shirt with black pants and ears with eyeliner whiskers on my face. that's the lamest shit ever--so half-assed and insulting to those of us who spent weeks constructing said peacock emsemble.

well today i am at work. and, though not in costume, am sporting a modern, witchy-like halloween outfit. i.e. black skirt, black sheer sweater with ribbon belt tied around the waist...and the best tights with orange skeletons on them. they are the coolest ever. except that the skeletons get bigger around my thighs...

i walked into work and ran into some residents who "oohed and ahhhed" over the tights. then comes Roy in 637. he takes one look at me and says, "where are your pants?" this is reminiscent of my 21st bday in Selah when i wore a tutu to the bars. before i left to party hard, my father asked me the same question.

my answer to both men? "i'm not wearing any today." leaves them with an annoyed twinge on their mouth and sends the ever-popular 9th-grade-girl-in-a-tube-top-and-miniskirt-on-her-way-out-the-door-to-school message "shut up i wear what i want"

halloween is useless beyond college. i tried to explain this to some of my coworkers this morning, but seeing as none of them even went to college, it was just irritating.

in september, while googling costume ideas, i suggested to JJ a number of cute ideas for this year's celebration. couple/group costumes are the best! Moon, The Black Dahlia, Rah and i were the coolest fanta soda-pop girls ever! and now we have white patent leather boots for the rest of our life--i'd hardly call that a bad thing. for this year, i thought of circus people (i.e. me as clown, JJ as ringmaster, Chanel as tiger, Cleo as elephant) but he said NO. "what about chefs? and the Cs can be olives?" he said NO. "cowboy and indian!?!?!" he said NO. "tarzan and jane? Cs could be monkeys?" he said NO. "OMG JJ YOU ARE SO ANNOYING I'M WORKING SO HARD ON IDEAS HERE, WHAT IS YOUR INPUT!?!?!?!"

he said..........."i want to be a king." i shot him an incredulous look while trying to stay calm "A KING?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! NO." then he whined and pouted and got pissed at me and said, "well i'm going to be a king, you be whatever you want." and so i whined, "OMG COME ON JJ YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE GROUP COSTUMES DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!" and he smiled and said, "well, then, you can be my queen." kjasdfou8waeoifjwopeihgulsadflsflssdadsjfakslfd9drsfio4392kjrew90fu3iofw

so i ordered 2 Regal Robes With Lux Fur Trim Collar. one size fits all. and a king crown, queen crown, sword and sceptor. a jester's cap for Cleo and a bee costume for Chanel....wait for it....she is Queen Bee.

that's the most creative part about the group costume. i get the order and.....the queen crown doesn't fit. scepter is dented. robes are appallingly cheap. but JJ had a terdy "i'm the king" attitude this morning when he tried on his stupid outfit. the things i sacrifice to make that man happy.


  1. Ahahahaha. Love the "group" costumes!!

    Halloween and spring break are the two remnants of college that I refuse to let go! Only apprently my party skills are just not what they used to be. :( Our friends truly reached new heights of ridiculous this weekend. You should be glad you were at work!

  2. ditto LJ. absolute mess. safe to say we will not be invited to those parties anymore.


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