i needed black hoisery this morning for my outfit. i have 78 pairs of black opaque tights, but not barely black ones, you know? so i used the only thing i have, ultra-sexy Victoria's Secret thigh high stockings with a lace band. i felt quite like a movie star going into work today, until one of the stockings started falling down. i looked like the Maxine comic strip--only slightly sexier because of THE LACE BAND. i was cursing myself while walking into work, yanking up the stocking. i just knew the lace was sticking out of the bottom of my pencil skirt, so i looked a tad bit like a slut.
so i have to deal with one saggy stocking all day. every single time i stand up, it begins to descend slowly and immorally down my left leg.
just when i think the stocking problem makes me feel like a geriatric, Roy in 637 walks up to my desk and confirms my fears saying, "i didn't think that was you for a second. the new lights make your hair look gray."
how much longer til i look like this?!?!?! two...maybe three years if i'm lucky.
UPDATE: i found a solution that only mildly cuts off my blood circulation: put a rubber band around my upper thigh.