Monday, November 23, 2009

The Fast

my sister CA is quite the little activist. currently she is trying to bring awareness to world hunger. so she asked her dear family members to partake in a 24-hour fast, to get a taste of what life is like for those who are truly starving.
for those of you who were at the rehearsal of my wedding, you saw a perfect example of what happens when i don't eat every 2 hours. i am as grumpy as an irritated porcupine. srsly. (thanks sister-in-law E for giving me those skittles!)

at first i told CA NO WAY. then this morning when i was talking to my mom on the phone she was like "yeah, i'm totally doing it. so is your sister M....so is your Dad." i was all "MOM WTF? DAD IS DOING IT?! YOU CANNOT BE SEROIUS. I MEAN YOU AND M ARE HARD CORE, BUT IF DAD CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT. THAT'S IT, I'M DOING IT. SO IS JJ." except that i forgot that i am enduring a mean hangover from that bottle and a half of wine i shared with Rah last night. rats!

today i will do something new and different. i will keep an online diary of The Fast. the last time we ate was 7 pm last night after JJ and i saw New Moon (JJ is Team Jacob because, direct quote, "i like to root for the rebel." but i think it's because he likes the way Jacob looks with his shirt off. obviously i am Team Edward. 4evr) anyway, i will update the diary throughout the day. keep tabs!

and if you do decide to partake in the 24-hour fast, let me know so i can tell my sister how many peeps i recruited through my blog. the rules are: no eating, but can drink anything. except like a milkshake or a smoothie.

6 pm yesterday: jalepeno bagel and cream cheese, butternut squash soup.
7 pm yesterday: 4 almond kisses.
7-10 pm: 3/4 bottle of wine.
3 am: entire water bottle.

today
6:30 am: swig of soy milk out of the carton.
7:10 am: glass of emergen-C
7:30 am: peppermint latte JJ made me this morning. Poop Nazi told me i "look like a tree" this morning. thanks.
8:59 am: GIANT DUMP. cripes. that was last of the solid nutrition left in me.
9:20 am: not so bad. not so bad!!!
10:04 am: all i ever wanted in life was an egg mcmuffin.
10:15 am: Dee in 712 came to my desk. told her of The Fast. she gave me a dreadful look and said it was not a healthy thing to do. i assured her i would be ok.
10:55 am: have to speak loudly over the lion growl coming from my stomach.
10:59 am: text from JJ "i failed." my reply? "you're an asshole."
11:05 am: text from JJ "well, i stopped eating when i realized." me: "wait a minute, you seriously forgot you were supposed to be fasting? hahahahahahah"
11:25 am: a coworker just came by my desk and literally said to me, "excited for lunch today?" i said, "NO I'M FASTINGGGGGG" he said "shall i walk by your desk with a foot-long subway sandwich then?" i kindly asked him to leave.
11:30 am: "lunch" break. shaking hands. i tell the fat receptionist who probably just ate a rack of ribs before she came to my desk, relieves me for lunch. she asks why i don't look so good. i tell her about The Fast. as i grab my purse to leave she literally says to me, "have a nice lunch!" in a cheery voice. momentarily think of cutting off her head with a letter opener.
11:34 am: think about all the starving people in the world. what DO they eat when they are on the brink of hunger insanity? dirt? tree bark? like can i just shove a handful of gravel down my throat to fill my stomach?
11:45 am: go into safeway. buy one bottle of pelligrino and a bottle of snapple. oh, we need bread. grab some bread. OMG ADVENT CALENDARS! grab 2 advent calendars. oh yeah, those little easy-to-peel mandarin oranges. grab a box of mandarin oranges. gum, gum will help me. buy a pack of strawberry-banana gum.
11:50 am: remember that JJ and i had planned, since he has a day off today, to meet at San Francisco Sourdough for lunch. damn. text him that we shall change the time to 7 pm. after the fast.
11:54 am: get back to my desk early. bury myself in my work.
12:25 pm: I. HATE. MY. LIFE. i just sharted. I JUST SHARTED. RUN TO THE BATHROOM AND TAKE OFF SOILED UNDERWEAR. RUN BACK TO MY DESK WITH SOILED UNDERWEAR BALLED UP IN MY FIST. PUT SOILED UNDERWEAR IN A PLASTIC BAG. RUN BACK TO THE BATHROOM TO WASH MY HANDS 3 TIMES. like, is my life real? IS IT? the fast has made me shit my pants.
12:32 pm: text CA and tell her of my fate. she says, "uh oh, maybe you should eat a lil something...?" i send back, "no. i will not fail." then realize the irony. technically i do fail. i fail at life.
12:50 pm: rabid with hunger.
1:01 pm: F&%$ING RABID
1:28 pm: not so bad anymore. have i crossed a new threshold? only 5.5 hours to go!
2:15 pm: arrive at CP's house for babysitting.
2:16 pm: CP asks me to unload her delicious groceries. salivating.
3:00 pm: CP asks me to help her package SHORTBREAD COOKIES WITH ICING for a bake sale. kill me plz.
3:45 pm: start to sweat
4:15 pm: ready to pass out.
4:30 pm: shaking violently. am about to throw up.
4:41 pm: arrive at San Francisco Sourdough for my "break fast" meal.
4:42 pm: cannot wait any longer. technically i started the fast at 5 pm yesterday because all i had from 5-7 last night was 3 hershey kisses. inhale my small bag of salt & vinegar chips.
4:58 pm: still waiting for mine and JJ's sandwiches.
5:01 pm: get sandwiches and race home.
5:20 pm: get home. jump into pajamas. tell JJ it's best not to talk to me until i have eaten. he has the nerve to ask me, "WHAT'S WRONG?!?!?!"
5:21 pm: REALIZE. THERE. IS. ONLY. ONE. SANDWICH. IN. THE. BAG. completely lose my mind and start crying. HERE'S THE KICKER: WHOSE SANDWICH WAS FORGOTTEN? WHOSE?!?!?!?!? not my well-fed husband's, who quit The Fast after two hours. but mine. mine was the forgotten sandwich. THEY FORGOT MY FUDGING SANDWICH.
5:22 pm: back in the car, with a crazed look in my eye as we speed back to SFSD for the sandwich--MY sandwich. JJ tells me i need to calm down. i tell him where to shove it.
5:38 pm: storm into SFSD in floral pajama pants and slippers. walk up to the counter and cut off the person ordering. "HI I ORDERED 2 SANDWICHES AND ONLY GOT 1." every single one of the workers rushes to my side and they all say softly, "OHmyGOSH we tried to catch you, we are sooooo sorry." i shout, "I HAVE BEEN FASTING FOR 48 HOURS (because sometimes you just have to exaggerate) AND THIS WAS MY FIRST MEAL." "worker who was at fault for The Forgotten Sandwich laughs and i catch a glimpse at his golden tooth. i quietly envision a scene of me kicking him in the nuts then ripping out his golden tooth with my bare hands and taking said tooth to a pawn shop. so i finish, ".......that's why i look so CRAZY!!!" the guy hands me the sandwich and i sprint to the car. eat in silence as JJ drives us home.

the end.

disclaimer **World Hunger is not funny at all. we all know i'm a tad dramatic, and clearly i wasn't going to die from fasting for 24 hours, but it was extremely difficult. i can't imagine what it would be like to go days--even weeks without one morsel of food. i used my blog as a public outlet to support my sister's efforts. i made the topic light and airy with my descriptions, and indeed it was an incredibly Bad Day (i.e. shart, forgotten sandwich, 10-hour work day, etc.) but World Hunger is a serious and heartbreaking issue that is affecting millions of people every single day. please support the cause.

if you would like to help, but do not wish to endure The Fast please send a check made out to Pepperdine University with "24-hour Fast" written in the subject line to:

Charlotte Ann Graf
Pepperdine University
24255 Pacific Coast Highway
#1429
Malibu, CA 90263

7 comments:

  1. I'm crying, CRYING in class and forced to do the silent, body-shaking laugh so i don't get in trouble.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YOU CAN DO IT, LACIE!!! Make sure you tell people WHY you are fasting. Then have them send a check to Charlie Ann for World Hunger relief. GO LACIE GO!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lacie? It's 3:08 and we haven't heard from you in awhile. You ok??? :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahahahahaha sucks for you! I have basketball so mom's not making me do it!!!!! hehehe I just ate a magic's salad with lots of cheese, and like an entire bag of wheat thins! :) enjoy the rest of your day in hell! See you tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is SFSD better than High Nooner and if so, where is this amazing eatery (minus the golden toothed man)?

    ReplyDelete
  6. BETTER THAN HIGH NOONER it's 29th and southeast blvd. on the south hill. its dangerously close to my work. AND you can order a beer there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. thanks so much Lace. Today was so successful. We have raised over $12,000 so far (that's not including the donations that we are expecting to get from everyone's family, friends, churches, etc that are sending donations in). I am still very very hungry (my fast is lasting until 6am tomorrow morning) but this day has been such a blessing. It took a lot of planning but I'm so glad that we did it. Everyone on campus was really excited, and the difference we are making in the lives of inner-city citizens of L.A. as well as children in Africa is immeasurable. Peace love and blessings. CA

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...