i went to Santa Barbara this last weekend to assist the family i babysit for during a wedding weekend. i am 98% sure i look marginally less hot than i did before i left. after spending four straight days with a 5-year-old, a 4-year-old and 7-month-old, i truly look at my mother in a new light. having 4 children under the age of 8 must have been truly daunting!
thursday night, 4-year-old S and i shared a bed in a beach house. 5-year-old M slept in the bed next to ours. midnight: S needs a glass of water. 1 am: M needs her back rubbed. 3 am: M wets the bed. strip bed, put M into bed with me and S. 4 am: M punches me in the ear. 6 am Friday: both children awake and ready for the day. 6:03 am: put frosty the snowman into my laptop while i get 20 minutes of extra sleep. status: tired but overall not bad. it was kind of fun, like a sleepover.
8 am Friday: walk on the beach with M and S. breakfast of cereal and fruit. 11 am: pack up children's gear and shove a taco down my throat while holding baby P. 12 pm: drive to check into the FOUR SEASONS. take one hour of free time. eat some ice cream. 1 pm: take 20 minute power car nap like a loser. 1:30 pm: stumble back into hotel still half asleep. but perk up after room service grilled cheese. 2 pm: shuffle children into the bath, get them dressed and ready for rehearsal. 3:30 pm: just me and baby P. feed her, play with her, watch some America's Funniest Home Videos. 5 pm: M and S get back to the room with 2 cousins. watch some Scooby Doo and eat pizza and cupcakes. 7 pm: diarrhea ensues. i will not disclose who had the troubles. 7:15 pm: kiddles all in bed. 8 pm: TLC Say Yes to the Dress marathon. SCORE! 10 pm: walk into room and see all 30 lbs of S taking up the entire bed. move him over. and he scoots back. move him over. scoot. move. scoot. move while jumping into bed action. scoots right on top of me. fall asleep.
6 am Saturday: kids up. UP. throw on some cartoons and drag myself to the shower. after shower, 5 games of Go Fish and 10 of Crazy Eights. read a book to the kids in bed. 8 am: kids jump into the bed of their poor parents who were out celebrating at the rehearsal dinner the night before. order ROOM SERVICE breakfast. 9:45 am: take M and S to the pool. even wearing a one-piece, have an almost-indecent-exposure incident. 10:45 am: back to the room. get kids bathed and dressed. get myself dressed. help recover CP's lost shoe. 1:30 pm: load into the car. bride's mother asks me to run into the drugstore to get some shoe pads for the bride. run into walgreens like a wild banshee screaming "WHERE ARE THE SHOE PADS!?!?!?" poor woman behind counter quietly says, "aisle 3." sprint to aisle 3 grab some dr. scholls run to checkout. guy ahead of me is literally counting out his payment in coins. when it is my turn, throw a 10 dollar bill in the girl's face, grab the shoe pads and the change and race back to the car. am celebrated for my speediness. 1:50 pm: get to the church. put baby P in her dress. go inside. sit down. take a breath. 2:05 pm: baby P starts crying. take her outside. falls asleep in my arms. 4 pm: arrive at reception. try to get baby back to sleep. S is on sugar high running rampant through the party. 5 pm: gather up children and herd them to the car. take them back to the beloved four seasons. get almost to the room and realize i didn't lock the car and didn't have a room key. drag 3 tired children up and down and all around until we finally get into the room. manage to wrestle them out of their formal wear and into pajamas. order room service yet again (will never ever tire of room service) and we feast and watch a show. 7:30 pm: kids in bed. watch confessions of a shopaholic. 9:30 pm: have a move-scoot war with S again and finally settle into bed. 10 pm: M needs a back rub. 1 am: S needs water. 1:30 am: my sister calls. 3 am: wake up slightly frightened with two little hands on either side of my face. 6 am on the mother-fudging dot: kids up and ready for the day. i mean, where does the energy come from!?!?!!? put on sesame street. get chastised for choosing "such a dumb baby show." put on Martha Speaks. 10 more minutes of sleep. games of Go Fish...Crazy Eights...breakfast...pool. M forces me to put my head under water. (at the four seasons they play music under water--SERIOUSLY!) waddle back to room. shower. pack up. back to the beach house. go for one last walk on the beach. give kids kisses goodbye and head to the airport. the silence in my life at this point is a love/hate thing.
overall i had a good time, it was so much fun. and i love love love the kids. but motherhood is hard work. kudos to all the momz out there.
realize 2 things after weekend trip as a pseudo-mom: 1. i think i am prepared for anything when the time comes for me. 2. if i have to watch Barbie Swan Lake one more time, i think i will gauge my eyeballs out.