Monday, December 7, 2009

Fake Christmas Spirit.

remember how i explained the weirdness of the managers at RW when decorating for the harvest? they're irritable, pompous and without an ounce of happiness.

well the Christmas season is even more bizzare. there is an employee and resident Christmas Choir. (i have not joined for obvious reasons) the residents bounce and smile and snap their fingers while they're singing. some of the employees dance a little. but not the managers. nope, no siree. they stand stiff as boards, straight-lipped and serious. they look like absolute assholes standing up there, singing the most joyous and celebratory music there is, with frowns on their faces. then after choir practice, they shuffle by my desk, still stony-faced, yet HUMMING CHRISTMAS SONGS. i just don't get it...wtf is wrong with these people?

oh but it doesn't end there my friends. the grumpy managers must collaborate in some sort of meeting and decide to wear something "Christmasy" everyday in December. because they show up in such festive clothing that you would think they actually have hearts. it's like they have fake Christmas Spirit. here is a sampling of the managers' wardrobe choices:

Example 1: the crabby Maintenance Supervisor stomps around, looking pissed off with, i kid you not, a red baseball cap with reindeer antlers protruding from either side of his head. the front of the cap says "Santa's Helper" in green font. i mean, that has got to be the jolliest god damn hat i've ever seen, and it looks so contradictory on his cantankerous face.

Example 2: the Housekeeping Supervisor with literally a permanent frown etched onto her face. like i have never seen her smile. not even when she was talking about the birth of her first granchild. THIS little diddy has a different novelty Christmas sweatshirt for every day of the week. here is a random selection: one is red with just a big giant replica of santa's face printed on the front. one is green with picture of Christmas lights across the chest. suggestive, eh? another one is red with rudolph. his nose is sparkly red. i'm all WHY DON'T YOU TRY MATCHING YOUR FACE TO THE GOD DAMN REINDEER ON YOUR SHIRT. LIKE, EVEN THE ANIMAL IS SMILING. HOW CAN YOU NOT WEAR THAT MERRY SWEARTSHIRT WITHOUT A SMILE!?!?!?!

Example 3: Activities Coordinator who is the most petulant woman i've ever met. she has absolutely no couth. she is so rude, and has not an ounce of tenderness or care in her body. with these qualities, i cannot imagine why she is the activities coordinator for a retirement community. her favorite thing to do is call me and tell me to do favors for her. she never asks. just tells. she came to my desk today demanding that i make copies for her, and i heard a happy little jingling eminating from her. i said in my best Cheery Christmas Voice, "what's that? what's that jingling that i hear?" she, not even KIND OF amused, said "bellsonmyskirt. canyoujustpleasemakemycopiesthanks." ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!

these people are putting a damper on The Sacred Christmas Spirit. i just can't figure out what kind of Christmas Trees they have up their asses. Spruce? Noble? or maybe even an evergreen. at times like these, i wish i had Clark Griswold here to cuss them out.

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