Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Feeling Neglected

i'm thinking that maybe LJ was right--life would be much better without animals...well, at least without Chanel.

for instance, we can't have a real Christmas tree because Chanel eats the pine needles and then throws them up all around the house.

also, cleaning the litterbox sucks.

Iams Indoor Weight and Hairball Control for Adult Cats is expensive.

the 6 am aerobic workout is SO annoying.

trying to keep an indoor cat from going outside is quite a hassle.

OH YEAH AND THE DUMB BITCH TOOK A GIANT DUMP AND PEED A LAKE ALL OVER THE SPARE BED YESTERDAY!! is that even real? cats never pee/poo anywhere but their litterboxes. when i first discovered her miscreant deed, i thought maybe the litterbox was too full. so i felt bad. but when i went to clean it, i saw that there was plenty of empty space for bodily waste. i cleaned it anyway, and she sat on the kitchen counter watching me intently while swishing her tail. after i cleaned it i screamed "CHANELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!" and i snatched her up and put her face in her mess and called her a bad bad kitty. she screm-meowed and ran under the bed. then i had to strip the bed and wash EVERYTHING TWICE BECAUSE CAT PEE IS THE WORST SMELL EVER. EVER.

then i went to jazzercise with Rah.

on the way home i stopped at the grocery store. i called Moon. her dad is a vet, so i thought she would have some sound advice. she told me that Chanel was probably feeling neglected and sad because i spend so much time with Cleo and JJ, both of whom she hates. Moon said i needed to spend some alone time with Chanel. blah blah blah...

but later that night JJ and Cleo went for a walk, and i saw it as the perfect Chanel Time opportunity. i called her up on the bed and i started petting her. not 10 seconds after, SHE ROLLED OVER ON HER BACK AND SWATTED AND CAPTURED MY HAND WITH HER PAW AND BIT MY WRIST, CLEARLY TRYING TO ASSASSINATE ME.

there will be no FEELING SORRY for that monster.

3 comments:

  1. Should have listend to LJ. Chanel is, and will always be a Big Fat B!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ok, but remember when you lived alone and all you had was that big furball? then again remember when you had to $500 because she was peering through the window at your landlord...

    chanel= evil wench.

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  3. GIVE HER TO MMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you TOTALLY neglect Chanel! You baby Cleo and bring her everywhere while Chanel is pushed aside and not given any attention. Also, that was not an attempt of assassination, it was her trying to PLAY. Believe it or not, indoor cats have a lot of energy just like outdoor cats, but they obviously don't have the space and freedom to waste energy! SO GIVE HER ATTENTION AND PLAY WITH HER OR GIVE HER TO ME!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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