Tuesday, December 15, 2009

L and the Morning Troll

it snowed last night (!!!!) and we were so excited about it! and of course i woke up late this morning and only had 15 minutes to get ready. but then i figured since it snowed, if i'm late to work that can be my obvious excuse. in any case here is what i did this morning:

6:00 am- alarm goes off. NOT A CHANCE i'm getting up. reset alarm for 6:40.

6:40 am- alarm goes off. reach down for my comp to get on FB to wake me up. no computer. "JJ! WHERE THE F IS MY COMP?!?!?!" grumble..."i used it last night." "WELL GO GET IT I NEED IT NOWWWWW SO I CAN WAKE UP!" "what are you talking about?" "YOU KNOW I NEED FACEBOOK TO WAKE UP!" "you are so effing weird." anyway, i got my computer.

6:52 am- lean over to JJ and tell him i'm going to be late. then ask him to make me a sandwich for lunch. he said "no i'm sleeping." "thanks Morning Troll, you're so kind."

6:53 am- get out of bed. pee. brush teeth.

6:56 am- take Cleo outside. the priss went about 3 inches before she ran back inside.

6:58 am- go back into the bedroom and ask him where the shovel is. he said, "in the garage." i said, "where in the garage?" he said, "by the door in the garage." i said, "what door? like the door door or the garage door?" he said, "OMG WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU??!?!?!?!?!??!?! IT'S RIGHT BY THE GARAGE DOOR." i said, "ok thanks darling asshole!"

7:01 am- shovel path from doorstep to the grass. then shovel a little patch in the grass so the Princess Cleo could take her golden shit.

7:05 am- realize i'm still in my pjs with greasy hair and no makeup. SHOOT! "JJ LIKE I REALLLLLLY NEED YOUR HELP NOW. I GOTTA LEAVE IN 5 MINS!!"

7:09 am- outfit on. makeup on. dry-shampooed my head. french-braid my hair while making myself a cup of tea. JJ finally made my sandwich. it was sitting there on the counter. just by itself. not in a baggie or anything. nice. real nice.

7:11 am- WHOA I'M LATE. "JJ HELP!!!!!!!" "L! WHADDYA WANT ME TO DO?!?!?!" "well, i'm just late, can you just help?"


7:19 am- pull out of the garage. gotta be at work in 11 minutes. snow is the perfect excuse!

7:25- people going 20 mph on the freeway! COME ONNNNN

got to work only 10 minutes late. not too bad.

8:57 am- text from JJ "i was very very very grumpy this morning, sorry baby."

it's a good thing he apologized. otherwise i would have made him eat the "salad" from last night for dinner.


  1. He does a lot for you!! I'm with Mom...POOR JJ!!!

  2. What is a "dry shampoo" - hairy apes want to know?
    Remember, Audis are of a higher pupose than most heaps rolling about. Traffic moves as fast as the slowest car-group on major thoroughfares. Try the route less-traveled next winter blast. Have you ever noticed the Audi does better where previous signs of vehicle passage are minimal; where the stuff hasn't been compacted yet? Plot your course.
    As to your good man JJ - as soon as the kids start arriving you'll soon realize this truism: evenings are out, you're far too spent, and sunrise forward mornings as well, the things have invaded your bed or your head, or both, and you have to rally the troups, so the wee hours of the morn are the only personal time to spend some quality time with your partner [save your exhausted evenings for the pillow talk]. I'm sure he, and she, would have had a better day looking forward.
    Mele kalikimaka! Aloha

  3. Consider yourself lucky! A husband that makes you a sandwich every day. Wow!!

  4. Does the troll have a tan yet?


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