Friday, December 18, 2009

Life with Lola666

Lola666 is staying with us. today she and Cleo go to the kennel but she has been boarding with us for the past 2 days. she takes up all the room on the bed, and every time she wags her tail, she takes out half my living room. the MH was not built for big dogs.

on wednesday we stayed up til midnight packing. and Lola666 would start barking and whining for attention. then Cleo would start barking and whining for attention (get your own identity Cleo, ghod.) and so we would have to pause and pet them, then get back to packing.

and last night i took the dogs to The Urban Canine, a little shop in Spoke where they sell the cutest little dog things (and cat things--but....Chanel is dead to me). my mom wanted me to get Lola666 a new collar. i opened the door to get out and the dogs come shooting out of the vehicle like rockets. ROCKETS. and it's a busy street!!! it was so scary. i thought Cleo Was Dead For Sure because she's so dumb (like this morning, the garbage man came and Cleo stood in the middle of the street and did not move AN INCH, the garbage truck came to a halting stop literally 3 centimeters from her face and all she did was tuck her tail between her legs and widen her eyes and stare straight up at the truck). anyway, i went after Lola666 first because if i let her, she would run away to China. i pinned her between my legs and threw her into the car. then i turned to get Cleo. a nice couple who were on a walk were holding her and giving me Disapproving Looks and shaking their heads. i was all "I'M SORRY! THEY JUST ESCAPED!" and they were like "she could have been hit" and i was like I WISH CHANEL WAS HERE TO GET HIT. so i thanked them for the kindness and put Cleo back in the car. despite the freezing temps, i was sweating like a fat guy and i took one whiff of my pits and almost passed out. bought Lola666's collar and GTFOOT.

after that fiasco we got home and Lola666 takes a dump the size of JJ and we get inside and watch the Saturday Night Live Christmas Marathon. went to bed. JJ on his 1/36th of the bed, me on mine. Lola is laying horizontal across both of us and Cleo is laying on my pillow. then i smelled something awful. turn on the lights. CLEO HAS POOP STUCK TO HER BUTT. get up, wash her butt, go back to bed. i mean the GODDAMN ANIMALS IN MY HOUSE ARE MORE HIGH MAINTENANCE THAN AN INFANT. AND WTF IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE DINGLEBERRIES AND POOP STUCK TO BUTTS IN MY LIFE THIS WEEK?

this morning after the alarm went off, Lola666 punched me in the face and jumped on JJ's stomach/Cleo. Cleo made the same noise as a squeaky toy and Lola666 started barking.

my life. can you believe my life?

1 comment:

  1. Why the $&#*%$ did you let Lola666 sleep in your bed? That is insane!!


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