Tuesday, April 28, 2009

stupid stupid morning.

that's me lookin my best at work.

yesterday they warned us there would be a detour to work because of construction on the main road. do you think i remembered? NO. i came to southeast blvd. this morning, chatting away on the phone with my ma about how JJ and i think Cleopatra is mildly retarded. poor thing. when all of a sudden i come to a giant orange sign blocking my way. now i am a terrible driver, and the last thing i need is a detour. i mean i kept the mapquest printout directions to work for 2 months after i got the job "just in case." today i just panicked. i said, "gottagomomdetourbye" and hung up. then i just followed cars. i followed them and i got lost. i turned around 3 times, then i got all higgelty pigglety and backwards. i ended up on this road that i had never heard of but had a taco bell on it, then just started driving really slowly to see if i could figure it out. THEN I SAW IT BUT PASSED IT! a big green "rockwood" sign. i silently whispered thank you to God and took the next street to turn around and get backon track. i pulled into the parks and recreation center and went around in 2 circles because it was a oneway. it was like chutes and ladders the game. except i never got a latter. only the chutes.
then i finally get into the entrance and find my way to my building. i get out of the car and i realize my shoe is untied. now i know what you're thinking. i am not wearing tennis shoes to work. they are high heel booties with a shoelace. sounds weird but they're real cute i swear. anyway, i look down at my shoelace and it's just dangling there. well, i'm wearing a pencil skirt and therefore cannot physically bend over. just can't. then i see one of the housekeepers who i am friendly with, pull into the parking lot and i think "well, i will walk into work with her!" so i walk over to her car and i say, "hello Denise!" and she screamed. i scared her. of course. and she's old. she was like "oh my, you scared me!" then she had to go the opposite way so i didn't even get to walk with her. it was really awkward. she was like, "oh. i uh, have to go this way...maybe you should get going so you're not late to work honey." thanks. so i start walking and cursing myself for being so stupidly awkward. and i remember that my shoelace is untied. and i start to trip but catch myself before utterly failing and ending up with my face on the pavement. and the pencil skirt was not a good idea this morning. i try to bend over once more and don't even get past my knees, so i take off the damn shoe and hobble into work with one stockinged foot.


i get to my desk, sit down, sigh heavily and realize it's that time. 8 am. and it's bad today. so i have to call The Poop Nazi to come to my desk. i rush to the bathroom and when i come out P.N. is playing solitaire on my computer. i'm like, "i'm back thank you" and she said, "uh-huh." and i just stand there, waiting for her to get the eff out of my chair, but she's still just playing. IS SHE SERIOUS?!?! i wanted to grab her by the mullet and drag her away.
stupid stupid morning.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

A.F.P.W. to 3L

note: all of these pictures are from college/post college. if i posted the ones circa 1998, they would fill 10 web pages.

there are people in this world. people you just can't seem to ever get rid of. people who have seen you pee your pants. people who have broken up with boyfriends for you. people you have had your first drink with. people you have gone to summer camp with. people who have been there since the beginning. people you are protective of. people you have seen endure heartaches and happiness, diarrhea and drama.

i was 5 when i first met KitKat. it was at Katelin McKee's august birthday party. KitKat had the longest, reddest hair i had ever seen, and bangs that would would make Stephanie Tanner jealous. i went home and bragged about her to my parents, and then on the first day of kindergarten, while waiting for the bus with my hot pink backpack and my mom, i saw her again. KitKat had her long hair tied back in a ponytail and she was holding her mom's hand. Karen and Kiki started talking, then we figured oout we had the same kindergarten teacher! it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. we were in the same campfire group, dance class, neighborhood...everything!

the first time we met LJ was in 2nd grade. LJ was put into our dance class at age 7, when we had all been together since age 5. we didn't like LJ. we didn't like the outsider, and we pushed the dear girl to hate dance. she always says she could have had an exceptional dancing career if it wasn't for us. (KitKat and i continued to dance throughout our senior year in high school. we were on the SHS drill team and even were members of a competitive dance team. and poor LJ was left out) after LJ quit dance, that was goodbye to her for a while.

KitKat and i had the same 2nd grade teacher...then we were together again in 5th grade. KitKat was terribly shy, (and i was never described as so), but we were a great pair. except for the time Katie told me she had a crush on Josh Jacobs. he was in our class, and during SSR (silent sustained readint) i farted. and i blamed it on KitKat right in front of Josh Jacobs. it was a horrid thing to do, but i was embarrassed. well KitKat cried and told on me and i had to apologize in front of the whole class for "blaming my fart on her"

5th grade was also the time when we were rekindled with LJ. we would play with her during lunch recess, and KitKat and i decided she was weird enough to be our friend. we became best friends instantly and we started a club; A.F.P.W. (not going to tell you what it means!) it was a secret society. in 6th grade we kept it going and during hot summer nights, we would have A.F.P.W. meetings (we called them seances)/sleepovers on the trampoline. we were just freaks actually now that i'm thinking about it.

we stayed very close until about halfway through 7th grade. i wasn't a falling out, but for some reason we stopped hanging out every weekend. we were still friends, just not bffff. then, the summer after our freshman year, we reconnected. we were entering high school as sophomores, and we had a sleepover the night before we went to pick up our class schedule and have our student I.D. card photos taken. the plan was for all of us to wear pink shirts. at the last minute KitKat changed her mind and put on a green shirt. we were annoyed. so we tried to change her mind by saying she looked like a leprechaun --Leppy--hence 3Ls. (LJ was Lowey..nickname from swim team friend...and i was Lucie. spelling mistake on all my summer camp paperwork. thanks mom)

the A.F.P.W. was back in full force action, as the 3Ls. we went back to spending every waking moment together, and boy did we have a blast.

Top Ten Best A.F.P.W./3L Memories in no particular order:
1. burying the minnie mouse chapstick as a sort of time capsule for the future. was dug up by one of my dogs.

2. first school dance we went to together. KitKat + Ryan Wright. LJ + Chris (still 2gether). Me + Brian Collins. (aka Sex God)

3. Seattle Trip for Prom Dress shopping. thank you David's Bridal.

4. Christmas gift exchange. i regifted stupid things i found around my house. LJ and KitKat actually spent money to get nice things. i was very ashamed.

5. 3 to a bed.

6. first drinks (aka vodka and diet squirt, classy)

7. the day we created the title A.F.P.W. via computer chat during lunch.

8. KitKat's bachelorette/wedding

9. campouts in the LJ's trailor. always always involving frozen lime green kool-aid.

10. lunch in high school. just us at a lonely table.

to this day we are still friends. i value them immensely. they have known me since the beginning. through elementary, middle and high school, through college and our young adult years. we have been through it all together, and we were able to spend our adolescence together. we have all changed, living in separate cities, doing different things, but we still remain very close. i am proud that we share something that growing up in a small town gave us, something few are lucky enough to possess: the ability to say "we have been friends forever."

i love you Ls. you'll always have a spesh place in my heart of hearts.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

the things she carried

ever have just a favorite party accessory? or maybe just a favorite accessory of life? well, that would be My Backpack. she was faithful that old thing. she was always filled with wonderful things. but sometimes she was filled with nasty things. either way, she was always there for me. through thick and thin. through wine and beer. through laughs and tears.

she was pink, black and grey, Dakine brand, with netting pockets on the outsides and a buckle across the boobies. and she was a mini backpack. perfect for the little things.

My Backpack Staples:

1. Party Cam (aka camera with pink rhinestones around the screen ((now in the care of Sam)) i earned junior year in college by cleaning the garage with my dad. bullghhh)

2. I.D.

3. snack (i.e. cheese crackers, lollipops, heck sometimes a cheese sandwich if it was going to be a long night)

4. lip gloss

5. Crazylegs' I.D.

6. cash (usually amounting to 5 dollars or less)

7. sand (she came to hawaii with me a couple of times)

8. good spritis

9. a cap to a bottle from the first 6 pack of hornsbys that Crazylegs and i shared together. i'm not sure why i kept that...

10. blistex chapstick in fruit expressions- mixed berry

11. kotex regular tampon (ya never know)

12. phone

mostly she was a party pal. in this picture (with KKiss. nevermind the word "LOST" written on my chest. that's a different story for a different day), she stood by me when i stole a giant slab of marble from a frat in the pullminican republic; it was the marker to hole 18 from some unnamed golf course. i woke up wondering how the hell i even got it in My Backpack. she was somewhat magic i think, akin to Mary Poppins' bag. anyway, i never returned the marble slab, and it became quite a nice shoemat for Sam's winter boots.

but other times she would be my trusty class friend; carrying a Bronte novel, a notebook, a few pens...in scarier times she would carry that damn 68 pound science book. she even carried my ballet, tap and jazz shoes for dance class. she was with me when i got my student I.D. card photo taken (see below)

this night. oooh this was a night to remember. 40s night. and i don't mean the era. My Backpack held orange juice to put in the 40s. that's Crazylegs, me, Juelz Santana and friend Meg. it was April 20 2007.

And who could forget AROUND THE WORLD?! the seniors in orange and My Backpack had a croissant in it. and a hot pink shot glass. Crazylegs, Juelz Santana, KBarth, me and The Black Dahlia.

this was the night The Black Dahlia decided to go out wearing a red Marlboro sweatshirt and sweatpants. and Crazylegs carried around a travel coffee mug all night. in My Backpack: pink nalgene bottle (filled with sparks) with my name and a Cinderella sticker on it.

you see, My Backpack isn't just a backpack. she is reliable, sturdy and magicked. she is brave and wise. she kept me together even through the craziest of college memories. she's been to europe, dsineyland, hawaii, costa rica and idaho.

and she's always got my back.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Jackie Boy

there he is people. the greatest dog that ever lived. this photo was taken by me just a mere weeks before he passed. it has been the background of my phone for about 8 months. i just can't change it.

he is just so noble and majestic looking. wise and old. good boy.

Jack was a puppy when we brought him home. his mother was a golden retriever and his father a lab. we already had a black cocker spaniel Bo at home and the two became fast friends. partners in crime, if you will. Jack would knock the garbage can over and the two would demolish its contents. (the first time this garbage thing happened was also the first time my sisters CA and MM heard mom say The F Word)

Jack ripped up the sprinkler system, he brought Dead Bunny #2 back, and he would swim in the river, getting wet and dirty and muddy. he was a verrrry naughty puppy.

then one day he disappeared. just vanished. us kids were devastated. we made posters and put ads in the paper. no Jack. my mom always recalls thinking, "well i hope he's not dead in a ditch somewhere, but i'm really not that sad." she was glad to be rid of a bad dogg.

well a couple of years went by and Bo was back to being King Pig of the House, the lone ranger. one late spring evening our family went on a walk. as we were going, a giant fat fat yellow dog and another black and white dog came up to us and the yellow one jumped on us and was licking us and being very friendly. my sisters and i yelled "IT'S JACK! HE'S BACK!" but my parents deemed the thought impossible. nevertheless the two dogs followed us home. Bo King Pig of the House even let the yellow dog drink out if his water bowl. but not the other black and white dog. Bo King Pig of the House would growl and bark at the black and white dog. eventually he went home. the yellow dog would come when we would call "Jack" but my parents were skeptical. the yellow dog just....well....he just stayed and never left again.

after a few weeks of hanging around, we all finally agreed that he was Jack. what a story! puppy disappears for 2 years then returns! and the craziest thing? he was a very well behaved dog. it's like he went off to boot camp or something.

although he and Bo King Pig of the House did occasionally cause mom to use The F Word (i.e. garbage can surfing). Jack also loved to help himself to anything in reach on the kitchen counter. He ate a few birthday cakes which i assume he regretted from the nasty gas coming out from his behind each time. his farts were silent and deadly.

he also never ever pooped in the house unless he was desperate. and even so, we would make the nicest neatest piles of shit you have ever seen in life. in corners. it was like he had to climb up the wall to get them in just the right spot. and when dad would get home and call Jack into the room with the poop in a stern voice, Jack would not ever come. he would turn and walk the other way with his tail between his legs. we all couldn't help but laugh.

and every school day at promptly 3:30, Jack would be sitting at the end of the road waiting for us to get off the bus. a couple of times he even got on the bus. and he would walk with us home, until he hit the driveway, then he would sprint on down. sometimes Bo King Pig of the House would join him, but we could count on Jack being there every single day, monday through friday.

he also became my mom's running buddy. he loved to run! and my mom loved to run with him. he would go for miles with her.

i also ran over poor Jack once. his leg. and a patch of fur stuck to the pavement. he was bald there for the rest of his life. sorry buddy.

he lived a good long life, and he was a good friend. he loved sleepovers and cake. laying in the sun and running. eating garbage and swimming in the river. and we loved him.

R.I.P Jackie Boy.

Monday, April 20, 2009

it's better with a buddy

the airport is one of the most stressful places on earth. any airport. even the small yakima one. i arrived at the spokane international airport promptly at 12:20 ready to travel to the land of the cacti to visit Sam. i was wearing: shorts, boots, shirt, sweater, jacket, scarf. with a purse full of miscellaneous items and containing my laptop, and a carry-on suitcase.

and you know when you're traveling alone, you sometimes get a little panicky because you don't have someone to help you along the way in case you slip up. well, i was a little uneasy and was also anxious to see Sam, and when i got in the security line i realized how stupid my outfit was. i mean, the boots are hard to get on and off, i have to take off my jacket and my sweater and my scarf. i have to take out my laptop from the case. then i have to take the baggie of liquids out of my carry-on. then i walk through the metal detector and it goes off because of the necklace i'm wearing. and everyones getting all huffy because i'm slow, and i'm feeling the stares and i start sweating profusely, like my armpits are very very damp. and my brow is even moist. and i'm just walking around in my argyle socks. it's just not how i enjoy spending my precious time on earth. thankfully i made it out alive. but i have one boot on, i'm carrying my laptop in my arms and my scarf is hanging by a thread around my neck. littttttle haggard.

so i sit and gather my bearings just a little. then i head to the burger king for a nice whopper jr with cheese no patty. what happened? what ALWAYS happens? asian tour group of 50 cuts you off and beats you to the line. so you're stuck with a crappy airport fruit cup. arg. you choke down the crap fruit and then have to go the bathroom. but you're alone. so you have to trek all your shiz to the bathroom, pull it all into the stall with you and thus sit on the toilet with your nose touching your suitcase because there isn't any room. and end up having to set your purse on the ground with poop germs because there is no purse hook in your stall.

and when you get on the plane you're never sitting next to the curiously cute person of the opposite sex. no, you are stuck between the fattest mofo on the plane and the man with a handlebar mustache. then you silently curse yourself for not choosing a window seat online. then you sit while the pilot has a sandwich and it's either stifling hot or colder than a witch's tit in a cast iron bra. so you fiddle around with your air thing. then you realize you left your people magazine on top of the toilet paper dispenser in the airport bathroom so you flip through sky mall, briefly consider buying the cat genie before realizing how dumb that sounds then you close your eyes for a nap. wake up, A.) with handlebar moustache in your mouth, B.) your head on obese mofo's shoulder or C.) your head hung low with drool on your jeans (or in my case drool on my bare naked legs because i was wearing shorts)

you arrive, call your ride 4 times because they are circling around the airport trying to find you, and you're standing outside just dying to get the eff away from the airport, and she finally spots you, and you pee your pants for 2 reasons: 1.) because you're really excited to see your bff, and 2.) because you really have to go. and WILL NOT endure round 2 of the hauling of the luggage/getting poop germs on your purse, forgetting your people magazine, etc etc etc.

flying is much better with a buddy.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Eurocrazy- Prague

July 2, 2008

Prague is quite the place! we are kind of sick of sightseeing so when we went to do that, we kind of just said here take a picture of me in front of this important building thing.
we went on a bike tour. (monica's idea. we got in a fight about it) and toured the city. it was ok, but bikes aren't my favorite. they suckkk. we had a nice time. came accross a statue fountain thing of a penis with water coming out if it. hilarious if you ask me!
the city center of prague is very american-like. lots of shops and restaurants and things and people and performers...just a lot to look at! we went into the most delicious candy shop! they made their own little fruity hard candies. soo yummy! and they had little pictures on them of the fruit they tasted like.
you wouldn't believe how dirty our clothes are at this point. we are sooo appalling. everything in our apartment is from ikea.
we went on a Pilsner beer factory tour. when we paid for our tickets, the lady asked if we wanted to pay an extra 10 to be able to take pictures. monica said NO right when i said YES. and i was like, well why not?? turns out you have to wear this embarrassing highlighter green sticker "somewhere visible" and i was the only one who had it. there were these 2 australian guys who were making fun if it the whole time. then the tour guide said something about it and the whole group laughed at me. i just said, "well i paid the extra 10 i'm gettin my moneys worth" and took a picture of everything. it was funny.
we went to a german-style restaurant where everyone sits at one long table and eats and drinks all together. i guess we came "late" about 8:30 and they were closing. they came up to our table and told us to leave in a rude tone. but it was fun. lots o beer drinking in prague!!!
anyway, see you all sooN!!!!!! :) it's back to london for one night then our trip is over! weird.
we come home so soon! i love prague but i am getting homesick!
love ya!!!
well we almost missed our flight to London because we are idiots. but we made it. barely. then we had to take an hour bus ride to our hotel. and when we got to our hotel (which was a place where my mom made reservations for us while we were on the trip. it was a disgusting place---like someone MAY have gotten murdered there. it had a picture of a teddy bear and a moon on the sign) but we were happy to be hearing english all around us again!!! :) we ordered pizza and macaroni and cheese from a delivery place and it was sooo expensive. we were soooo low on cash at that point but absolutely starving. so we gobbled that up and turned on the TV...and guess what was on? YES, GOSSIP GIRL. we were in complete heaven.
then, the next morning, i thought i had just enough change for my cab to the airport and it turns out i was 6 pounds (AKA 12 bucks) short! and it was all i had. i was so embarrassed but he was nice and just let me go. then i was homefree. just a long ass plane ride until america.
i got on the plane and was starving for personal contact from another human. (monica was on her way on a different flight) the people sitting next to me were a lesbian couple who were very into each other, not me. so i bought an english bridal magazine, read it 23 times, watched 4 movies and tried to sleep.
when i made it to detroit, quite appropriately, since it was the 4th of July, America's own independence day, i sauntered off arrogantly from the plane with a giant grin on my face. i literally sprinted to tbell. it was phenom!!!! best chalupas i ever had.
then i arrived in seattle. close. then yakima. and i rushed off the plane and there JJ was, waiting for me :)
the end.

anyway, overall it was a wonderful trip. when i got home i hated it with all my heart. but now that it is firmly 10 months behind me, i am able to look on it as a wonderfully enjoyable experience. something that was a once in a lifetime chance. monica and i had a wonderful time...and guess what? we are still the best of friends. GO TO EUROPE IF YOU GET THE CHANCE!

M on Bike

L on Bike
Graf Van!
the embarrassingly obnoxious green sticker.
Pilsner tour. camera on fire setting?
funny penis statue

Eurocrazy- Hungary

June 27, 2008

Hungary was fantastic!!! (we leave tomorrow for prague...our last stop) we were here for a little tooooo long (my opinion, monica wanted to stay longer! her grandparents are native to this land) but we had fun!

we started off by taking a city tour on a bus to see what we wanted to do. the guy had a lisp and a pot belly hahahahh. at the end, when everyone was getting off the bus we were all waiting in line to say goodbye to the tour guide, and i saw that everyone was shaking his hand. so when it was my turn to say goodbye i shook his hand. but he was annoyed. it was only when i walked away that i realized that the tour guide only shook hands with the people who tipped him. hahahah oops. i didn't tip him!

we learned on the tour that budapest is actually two different sections of a city. buda means WATER and is one side...pest means FIRE and is the other side. kinds cool. we went to 3 museums, boring. the first was sad, it was a nazi museum in the actual budapest headquarters...it was real creepy when we went down to the cells in the basement were thousands of people were imprisoned and murdered...eew. the second museum was a modern art one. it was weird to me. monica loved it. i laughed out loud when i saw a painting of just a boob. people scowled at me. whateverrrrr!! the third was the worst...a historical perspective of hungary. bulghhhh. and there was no air conditioning. we were there for like 45 minutes and HAD to leave.

then we went to these baths (they're like pools only with natural spring water) they are all over the city. we went to three different locations, and the last one was in an old palace which is now a hotel and is near 3 hospitals...the hospitals were built around the spring because of the supposed natural healing powers of the water. preatty neat!! but i don't care much for water, so i stuck my feet in and that's pretty much it. i guess if i get athletes foot, the natural healing power of the water will cute it. haha
we went to a hungarian market for souvenierrrrs and spent way too much money on piles of shit. THEN yesterday we went to a train station that resembles timesquare and there was a HGUE mall...it was great (except full of mariposa-type stores...needless to say the fashion isn't really up to par here...just today i saw a woman in such a short dress that her cheeks were literally hanging out (!!!!!) but it was a mall nonetheless...so we shopped and i got a one piece bathing suit...really cute but when i told jeremy he said "ew" like a typical man) THEN WE WENT TO A MOVIE IN ENGLISH!!!! we were so thrilled! and i was a bit feverish that day so i was really really tired. the movie was a perfect remedy. it was "made of honor" with patrick dempsey aka mcdreamy (monica hates greys anatomy. loser!!!) it was cutesy but kinda dumb. we didn't care, it was in english and we were relieved.
then last night we went to a DELISH retaurant (best food ever in euro by the way) best gnocchi in my LIFE with goat cheese and we got peach bellinis and then shared a bottle of cheap champagne and had hungarian cake and spent way too much money on food but we didn't care. we got a little tipsy and it was fun. we ended up going to bed at 2 am. it was a greatttt night. amazingly i didn't do anything too stupid in hungary.

prague tomorrow meaning one last email. SEE YOU THE 4th!

our apartment in hungary was ENORMOUS! it was really roomy. it even had a washing machine and dryer...excepet that it didn't work. and lord knows we SEROIUSLY needed to wash our clothes at this point. smelly dog clothes. so i washed them by hand with soap and water like a pilgrim. awwwwfulllllll
also, we watched a lot of VHI. it was in english, but it was the same show over and over and over: top 100 love songs from the 90's. you can only listen to michael bolton so many times without losing your mind...
some men's fashion shows were also on 24/7...weird!
when i say that gnocchi was the best ever in LIFE, i reallllly truly mean it. we ate there 3 times while we in hungary for a week. FABULOUSssssssss
we also walked all day to go to this water park. when we got there it was closed. go figure. so we ate at this really nasty little place with dirty napkins before we walked all the way home. bulghhh.
Monica with her weird art. hahahah

me in the natural healing water!

best. gnocchi. ever. in. life.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Gate

so i hate my life that i have to work on Easter. it blows. JJ works today too, there's a Chiefs game. but we have a time from 1:30-3:00 when we have overlapping break times; just perf for our Taco Bell Easter Feast.

this morning i woke up at 4:40 am so i could take Rah and Nebular to the airport (they are going to Hawaii to look at wedding venues...how's life for them?) i rolled out of bed in my green PJ bottoms and navy blue "ZAGS FOR LIFE" t-shirt at 4:40 and was out the door by 4:43. i got into my car and starting driving out of Spring Creek Community (where we live) and i stop at The Gate. you see, The Gate is supposed to sense a car and open automatically. well that never happens. you practically have to ram into The Gate so it knows you're waiting for it. this morning at 4:45, however, The Gate was like stupidly drunk because it didn't sense me even when i was inches away. so i backed up my car, opened my door, ran around to the other side of the gate, pressed in the code and made a run for it back to my car.

now, my mom says there are 2 kinds of people in this world; those who appreciate La-z-boys and those who despise them. i think there are a different 2 kinds of people in this world; those who succeed under pressure and those who fail miserably. i am the second. but i wasn't remembering my usual disappointment in myself under pressure this morning. no, it didn't even cross my mind. as i made the "run for it" back to my car, i realized that i hadn't backed my car up far enough out of The Gate's way. i thought to myself, "well self, you can prove yourself wrong today by making it back to the car in time to shove it into reverse and allow The Gate to swing fully open without getting in its way. well, as usual, i FAILED at life. i got to my car at a surprisingly fast rate, jumped in......went to grab the gear shifter.....and....FUMBLED. i fumbled. for about 3 whole seconds.

what happened? WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?!?! The (EFFING) Gate hit my car. right on the nose. and it stuck open. i backed my car up, The Gate was stuck. dammit. well there was a tiny little open space to get my car through so i drove right on over the beauty bark, barely skimmed a tree and made it out. but seriously. this all happened before the sun came up.

by now i was late so i sped to Rah and Neb's house, thinking to myself, "i realllly hope the landlord doesn't have a camera to catch a crazy in her green PJs running around The Gate before sunrise." but honestly, if The Gate was working properly it never would have happened. well, i got back home after dropping them off, and The Gate was still in its same spot. stuck open and awkward. so i pressed the code...and it worked! it opened then shut quite nicely after i had passed through.

remember that little note about Cleo's poo-poo that my landlord left on my door? well now it's my turn construct the perfect little note to leave on her door:

1. Lacey, (that's her name. of course.) The Gate is a piece of shit. a shit that is worse than any of my dog's. you might want to clean it up.

2. Lacey, The Gate is f$%*ing broken. FIX IT BITCH!!!

3. Lacey, The Gate is dysfunctional. it will not open when it is supposed to. it caused quite a ruckus this morning before sunrise.

which one should i choose? 1, 2 or 3? you decide.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009



i walked into the dining room at work today. this is what i saw: for reals. bunnies in a retirement community. i guess they don't make good pets for children...but the elderly? no big shiz! have a bunny 85-year-old-man.


i'm sorry if the Eurocrazy blogs are a bit boring. they are funny to me and Crazylegs and JJ. i love them, and there are a few more left, but i suppose we can take a break.

if ya feel like having an Easter laugh....

http://oldirtyd.blogspot.com/ that's Crazylegs. she posted that video just for me. just thought i would share that joyful little video that makes me pee, with my loyal band of followers/servants.

i like Easter. it's fun. the bunny hides our baskets in the morning and we have to look for them, and we always get bathing suits. but one time we got 2 real bunnies! black ones. i don't remember their names, but that winter, one of them froze to death and the other one ate it. then that one died because it probably isn't healthy to eat your sister, ya know what i mean? anyway, my Dad threw the dead bunnies over the cliff from our backyard. my parents thought they had taken care of the dead black bunnies, but the next day our yellow lab/retriever mix Jack came trotting up the hill from the cliff with GUESS WHAT in his mouth? yep. Dead Bunny #2. my Mom didn't want us kids to see it and get upset, so she snatched Dead Bunny #2 from Jack's mouth and hurled back over the cliff. what do you think happened the next day? Jack found DB#2 again and brought him home. so finally my parents put DB#2 in the garbage. you think that's the end? no. Jack got into the garbage and once again rustled up a rather haggard DB#2. finally on garbage day the next week, DB#2 was safely nestled in the cans and Jack was inside the house, probably staring longingly out the window.

my mom never told me the story until a couple of years ago. she said, "it was the bunny that just didn't want to leave us."

a couple of days ago when i was watching Even Stevens on the DisneyXD channel (great channel for old school Disney-loving people), a commercial came on. It was from the Humane Society. it said, "bunnies are not good presents for Easter." (picture of bunny) "they are not suitable pets for children." (bunny in cage. young fat girl jumping up and down annoying bunny) "did you know bunnies have to get spayed and neutered just like cats and dogs?" (bunny at the vet) "think before you get your child a bunny for Easter, they are a long time investment." (white bunny on screen with single Easter egg next to it) "stick to chocolate bunnies this year."

this commercial made me think of our black bunnies. and i laughed. but it really is sad that there are thousands of homeless bunnies in the world because people think it's a good idea to buy them for Easter, then they get sick of them because they poop everywhere.

HOWEVER, despite all of this, my friend LJ STILL WANTS A BUNNY AS A PET. she hates dogs and cats, but somehow bunnies make the cut.

and just this morning a woman who works in the dining room came to my desk and said, "i'm expecting a package to be delivered today. it contains live animals. call me when it gets here." all nonchalant-like. i asked what they were and she said, "ducklings and chicks. as soon as they hatch, they are shipped." i'm like "LADY YA CAN'T JUST ORDER A LIVE DUCK AND HAVE IT DELIVERED TO MY DESK!!!!!" (but i didn't say that.) what is wrong with people?

one year (i think i was about 9 or so) we were in Olympia (where Mimi and Papa live) for Easter. Mimi's dog Chewy had to get a haircut, so we schlepped on over to PetSmart. They had their Easter decorations up and i spotted on of those pipe cleaner chicks. you know the ones? (see picture above) they are just so tiny and mini and adorable. i loved them. so much. i just liked to hold them and smile at them. so i put one in my pocket. and when we were outside, i showed my sister M and Mimi caught me. she took me back into PetSmart and made me return it. it was the only time i ever "shoplifted." i put quotations around "shoflifted" because it wasn't like i stole their inventory. like a bag of MeowMix or something. i took a tiny little measly chick Easter decoration. like, give a kid a break.

bottom line: i like Easter. i like being home. with my family. but this year. i. have. to. work. and when i complained to my mom she was like, "it's not like Easter is a major family holiday." but to me it is. I LIKE EASTER! i liked our matching homemade Easter dresses with hats. and egg hunting. i have a lot of great Easter memories. and now i will be stuck at work on Easter. and since JJ and i gave up fast food for Lent, we are having Taco Bell as our Easter Dinner. i mean, COME ON LIFE.

i suppose it could be worse. i could be Dead Bunny #2.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Eurocrazy- Florence/Vienna

June 20, 2008

the next morning we get up and head to the train station around 11 am...and wait in line for 40 minutes for tickets. when its finally our turn, i get really excited and jump up to the ticket window, and i spill diet coke ALL over my back. stupid day. then we find out that the only train to austria is a night train from 10 pm until 9 am. soooo effing long. and we have like 10 hours to kill. cant go back to Hotel Lea because we checked out. so we get on a bus to go back to GU to hang out in the computer room but we miss our stop and end up riding the damn thing for over an hour. ughhh then we finally get to GU and the principal asks us what we are doing. we explain our situation and he says we can stay until 5 only. because GU closes early on thursdays. of COURSE. the luck we have. honestly. so then at 5 we go back to the train station...and wait...and eat mcd's fries twice...so good. it tasted like home...then just sat around being bored...reading, ipod, journaling, etc.

then at 10 we get on the train. and its packed. PACKED. PACKEDDDD. and we are sitting next to 2 men who are EVEN MORE CREEPY THAN HOTEL LEA MEN (one with 3 teeth, the other is fat and greasy like a child molester) and while im sleeping with one eye open, very fitful, dozing in and out, everytime i open my eyes, toothless is staring at me. i get really weirded out and as soon as a new spot opens, we move and sleep.

THEN, circa 4 am, the whole fanbase of the croatia soccer team climbs aboard, still celebrating their latest victory over austria the night before, SCREAMING and blowing HORNS. it is the MOST annoying shit i have ever had to endure in life and im so annoyed but put my ipod in and sleep kind of......but the SHOUTING AND HORN BLOWING continues. and ensues most of the early morning hours. akshdflasdhflkjdsaljkadjsl somewhere around 8 am i SNAPPED at them. and yelled right into their faces "I AM GOING TO STICK THAT HORN UP YOUR ASS!!!!!" monica looks at me with a horrified stare. they just laugh at me and say "you so cute when you mad bambina" then continue to blow the horns and mock me in croatian. assholes. (this is exactly the kind of thing i do that makes jeremy embarrassed and mad...he thinks i will get my ass kicked one of these days. whatever. whos going to hit a scrawny blonde?)

so when we get off the train and enter the train station, the croatians are STILL blowing said horns in my face. monica and i are livid. we take a taxi to our hotel, stuff our faces and CRASH for 4 hours. we got to check into our hotel right away because we had reservations for 2 nights, but lost 200 bucks while enduring the Awful Train Ride.

but we got up and went to the zoo!!! normally i am ethically opposed to zoos, but i went just this once because its the oldest in the world! isnt that crazy?? so cool! we were there for about 2 hours then i bought raspberries and we came straight to an internet cafe before i forgot all my stories.

now im going back to bed. so exhausted. but austria is gorg. so clean and beautiful! tomorrow we leave for hungary (budapest...its where monicas grandparents are from) for a whole week.

only 2 weeks from today until we come home (im so ready for t bell...note to my family members and jeremy: we are going STRAIGHT THERE FOR 3 NACHO CHEESE CHALUPAS AS SOON AS WE LEAVE THE YAKIMA AIRPORT-------NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!)

love and miss you all!


ps i have 4 mosquito bites on my face, one on my neck, and thousands elsewhere....

the zoo was so cool! but it was completely open! most of the animals were not in cages! it was frightening! at one point a peacock hopped right in front of me. amazing!

that hotel was the most American-like with a bigger shower and bigger beds. much more roomy! thank the lord!!!

Just hating my backpack in Vienna, Asutria

Taking a break from hiking at the zoo

Me and a Lemur in one of the open areas at the zoo

Eurocrazy- Florence

June 16, 2008

of course i cried a little when JJ left. it was tough.

we got to florence and i bought a cashmere scarf off the bat (shoulda bought 20) we are walking down the cobblestones and the FIRST PEOPLE WE SEE IN FLORENCE are our arch nemeses from college (not really. just have slight awk run-ins with them. GU has a study abroad program in Florence.) of course we have to stand and make awkward converstation while sweat is literally dripping from our backs. then we checked into our pensione (hostel) and went to dinner and have the most FABULOUS drink of strawberry pop, lemonade and peach vodka...its BOMB!!!!! then off to bed. but not before we get nostaligic and sad that our college career is over.
and today i bought the MOST BEAUTIFUL SHOES I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE FROM MIU MIU thats right. 460 euros which is 710.75 in US american dollar bills. gulp. oh my god. it was painful. but soooo worth it. theyre all covered in sequins and theyre for my wedding! both of my cards embarrassingly declined because the bank had a heart attack that i was spending that much money in one sitting. ahhhhh they are gorgeous!! and while i waited for them to find my size i drank sparkling water from a champagne flute served on a silver tray. tres chic. (however, i was wearing denim cutoff shorts and flip flops. not exactly the kind of attire allowed in these fancy shops) anyway they are gorg. to die forrrr!

we climbed to the top of the Duomo one day. which was death. the most exercise i have ever done in life. but the top was beautiful. just a liiittttle scary.

we loved florence, it was so much fun! one of the nights we hung out with some girls we knew from school (they were sophomores going on juniors we felt like old hags...) anyway we ate at a BOMB restaurant (mon and jers favorite in florence. they both did the study abroad program.) then we went to kitsch which is a bar. apparently a hot spot in town for the gonzaga crowd. so my friend morgan orders a cosmo and in walks the girls who we have awkward run-ins with. so of course i have to do (what i thought was) a subtle hand gesture that was supposed to represent something like "ohmygod can you believe our life?" to monica. and what happens in the middle of said hand gesture? of COURSE i knock over the freshly made cosmo, it falls, spills, and the glass shatters everywhere. honest to god, that is true. the bartender snarls (yes, snarls) at me and sighs heavuly, and everyone stares at me like ive just told them hitler walked in or something. so then i quietly mutter to him "i'll just have whatever you make me."

so he makes me.....

A BLACK DRINK. BLACK AS THE NIGHT. it was like tar. asshole.

then in walk the rest of the GU people. all babies. freshmen going on sophomores. BABIES. needless to say, we started to feel really awkward and left. we werent so sad to be graduated anymore.

since Crazylegs had studied abroad a couple of summers before, she knew the ropes around the gonzaga campus. so we snuck around trying to get into the computer lab so we could use the internet for free. we were so afraid we were going to get caught. hahah

i realized while we were in florence that OMG i was going to vegas for KitKat's bachelorette party like a week after we got home. i knew i wouldn't have time to shop when i got home so i went to forever21.com and ordered a bunch of dresses and had them sent to my parents house. you don't really realize the value of money when you are abroad...

we stayed in this place called Hotel Lea the second and third nights. this place was an absolute CIRCUIS. CIRCUIS!!! the old woman who ran it kept patting monica's hand and shouting at us in italian. then this nut who worked there was talking about how he used to be a Hell's Angel in LA and how he almost got killed. then one night, while monica was sick from food poisoning, 2 creepy men. one tall, one short (why is that always the duo? one tall skinny creepy man and one short stumpy creepy man) knocked on our door. we were freaked out. i answered the door. just cracked it open. the men asked us if we wanted to go out with them. UM NO. so i had to tell them the only thing i knew would keep them away. "my friend is really sick and is throwing up and has diarrhea." well, sorry m. had to throw ya under the bus to save ourselves. the whole time we were at Hotel Lea we kept saying "this will be really funny if we are not killed in our sleep." all night the old woman would be shouting on the phone. all night. people in and out of Hotel Lea and our room was right by the front desk. our beds had creepy carvings of children in them. with eyes that felt as though they were staring at us. so we huddled together and watched family guy season 1 on monicas ipod. praying for survival. hahah!!!

the night i made a fool of myself at kitsch was also the night i wore a red white and blue tube top. and walking down the streets in florence with blonde hair and a red white and blue tube top was apparently an invitation for every greasy italian man to scream "HELLO MISS AMERICAAA" at me.

All smiles BEFORE climbing the Duomo

At Kitsch that fateful night with GU friends

Eurocrazy- Venice/Croatia

June 13, 2008

hiiiiiiiiiiii! i love and miss everyoneeee. i really am an american. a real american. i miss mother*$#%ing taco bell more than i miss chanel (but not really) ok i've really left you all hanging...so here goes:
soooooo we took a 7 am train to venice and spent 12 hours on the train holy balls it was nuts (haha). anyway we got there and got lost trying to find our private hostel and we both wanted to die because the back/otherplaces sweat was seriously unbearable. so we walked like 25 miles following the woman who worked at the hostel and she was pissed because she had to walk and find us then walk us back...she was like xenon warrior princess. walked soooo fast!! after that, im actually quite convinced that i could run a marathon (if i wanted to...clearly i do not) anyway, we stayed one night in ven and then the next morning we went to get money and waited around the train station until JEREMY GOT IN! i was so excited to see him i almost peed myself. (actually i did pee myself. only a little tho)
we we all grab our shit (which weighs wayyy more than it did when we left. awful. just awful. im seriously hauling around a small midget...actually no...im hauling around shaq in my backpack) and start our trek to the boat to rovinj, croatia. (there is only one way to get there. from this one boat. in venice. that leaves only on certain days. at certain times. so we COULDNT miss it) si we are walking and monica and i see a shoe sale. we stop. (huge angry sigh from jeremy) and all the shoes were my size because my feet are mini and havent grown since sixth grade. anyway i go to grab the shoe i want in my size and the worker woman starts screaming something in italian and starts clapping her hands in my face (monica said she was yelling something along the lines of "dont touch stupid" how nice) she got realllllllly mad, and when i finally bought the shoes (which were only 5 euro by the way...what a STEAL!!!) she threw them at me. literally threw them. i guess youre not supposed to touch things. oooopsies. se get to the croatia boat and wait until it comes...awful weather=bumpyass ride mon and i were seasick buhgllghlhhhhh but didnt barf thank god)
so we got off the boat feeling happy-go-lucky and looking for sanjins parents (sanjin is jeremys brother in law from rovinj, croatia...his sister sarah met him studying abroad in padova and his parents wanted to see us) well we got off the boat and jeremy was getting frustrated because he couldn't recognize anything. so he calls sanjin. ($1.99 per minute via my international blackberry) and he laughs his ass off because the boat make 2 stops. thats right. 2 stops. he tells jeremy to ask someone what city we are in and jeremy screams to a poor asian tourist and his wife out for a night stroll, "WHAT CITY ARE WE IN?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?" hahaha the man was scared to death and mumbled...."we are in porech." we are such idiots we went to the wrong city. so we take a 60 euro tazi to the right city, rovinj, and we met sanjins parents (mirela and dragon. that was his name. not a pet dragon) and sanjins best friend david (pronounced da-veed) at the cafe/bar david owns and got a horrible but free croatian shot of god knows what.
then david takes us to our apartment (which he also owns. 2 bedrooms, very clean, very nice!) and we hit the sack. the next day dragon picked us up and took us to their house for lunch. (tomato soup, salad, cheese, bread, some cool croatian dessert, and grappa, which is appalling alcohol and literally burns your pink throat tissue while going down the hatch.) so we eat lunch, meet sanjins sister, her husband and their daughter, then look at pictures from sarah and sanjins wedding (then laughed so hard we pee because jeremy was soooo fat!) then we coo over their kitties and leave. (jeremy tells us later that mirela takes the kittens that her cats have, puts them in a bag, and drowns them all. this clearly puts us in a depressing mood.) then we go back to the apartment (dragon takes us. doesnt speak a lick of english, just smiles. he has a figurine of a dodger player on his dashboard though, tres american) and we get ready to go to davids bar for the croatia vs germany soccer game (A HUGE DEAL) i get dressed and jeremy asks me 5 times "are you sure thats what you want to wear?" finally i snap and say, "for the love of christ jeremy just tell me you dont like my dress if you want me to wear something different!" (i had mentioned a long time ago to him that he has to make SURE that im wearing a good outfit when he proposes...hahahahah) so we head to cafe bar riviera for the game. and have a cronenburg beer and a sex-on-the-beach and jeremy is like "hurry and finish you stupid drink!!" i was like "sheesh. ok. ill suck it down i guess you just want to go." then monica says, "ok you guys im going to an internet cafe while youre out to dinner." then she disappears. (she knew the whole time what was going on."
THEN THE MOST MAGICAL THING EVER IN LIFE (besides the one time when i touched adam morrison's butt in the GU cafeteria) jeremy takes me down to this beautiful spot by the rocks and hte ocean...i mean this place is soooo picturesque...and he says, "lacie i love you so much..." then while i say "i love you too" i look out at the ocean, and when i turn back to say something to him, hes down on one knee and holding a little navy blue box which i know can only mean one thing!!! and he said "will you marry me?" and my mouth was huge and wide open and i screamed YES obvi and jumped into his arms!!! inside the box was the most beautiful ring i have ever seen. its gorgeous and vitage and soooo chic!!! and it was his grandmothers (she died a couple of years ago, he says that she and i are a lot alike) anyway all i can do is stare at the ring. it has 19 diamonds which equals 1.5 carats (OMG) and there are three clusters of diamonds and it sparkles like that part on the little mermaid where ariel comes out of the water in that fab dres...you know what im talking about?? anyway it sparkles so beautifully i cannot look away! it was so perfect!!!!! we kissed and took those clasic holding-the-camera-at-arms-length-from-our-faces pictures and then went back to meet monica. my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and i had tears in my eyes (not run down your face kind of tears, just watery eye tears) and then we all went to dinner and i got a bit tipsy. then called everyone (recall: $1.99 per minute). then we walked home and ran into crowds celebrating the croatia soccer win. then off to bed.
woke up, spent the day in rovinj, but it was raininggggg booo it has rained so much on this trip. then early at 7 am the nest morning we take the boat back to venice (we also thought we would get the apartment for free because of the connection, and we brought him chocolates and other various little gifts. but david charged us. damn. but he did give us a nice discount). then back to venice. we stayed really close to san marco square (you know...the one where the pigeons go crazy) and soent one last night there. i was so sad because i didnt want jer to go! we started calling eachother "fianceeeee" like that episode of seinfeld when elaine gets annoyed with the people who call eachother "fianceeeee"....) then jer leaves and monica and i get on a train to florence! (by the way, i wanted to buy another pair of shoes in venice, and my dumb self grabbed the display...again...and the lady got so mad. but i got mad right back and left without buying the shoes. stupid woman)
love youuuuu
i forgot to mention that when we first saw mirela and dragon, dragon hugged JJ and smiled and motioned with his hands a sort of santa claus belly. JJ was just like "i know. im fat." but hes not fat anymore, thats just how dragon remembered him from sarah and sanjins wedding. hahaha

the waiter in the restuarant where we went for dinner after the proposal was completely obsessed with me. he gave me (just me) free drinks and shots and kept winking at me. hahah hilar.
on the way home that night the croatians going nuts about winning the soccer game were screaming and running around. a group of them walked by us, and seeing my blonde hair say, "deutshland?!" at me. of course i dont know what the hell that means so i get excited and scream "YEAH! DEUTSCHLAND!" which of COURSE means "go germany!" and monica and JJ got really mad at me and scolded me for being dumb.

i bought this flute made out of wood in Croatia and reallllly loved to blow it to annoy JJ and Crazylegs. little did i know karma was about to hunt me down...stay tuned for the next blog.

the shower in our croatia apartment was so small. and there was this steam button. well when monica was taking a shower one evening, she locked herself in the bathroom. she freaked out and was pushing all these buttons and just being CRAZY! we heard her and let her out. then we went out for the evening and she accidentally left the steam button on. when we got back to the apartment, it looked like someone had been hot boxing it in the bathroom!!! hahahah
back in venice it was rainy rainy rainy so we hung out in the hotel for an afternoon. what was on TV? family guy! in italian! and lois, in her lois voice said, "mi dispiace meg..." and we all laughed because we just KNEW what she was saying..."im sorry meg..." it's a Family Guy Fans Only thing.

Croatia: BFFs of course my eyes are closed.

just annoyed with JJ

soon to be Hansens!

Eurocrazy- Cannes/Venice

June 16, 2008

in veniceeeeeeeeeeeee

we got here around 6 pm after traveling for 12 hours my god i thought i was going to die. we went straight to our hotel and then ate gnocchi...and because right after dinner i had to take a huge dump, we missed free internet hour at our place. typical. i ruin everything. so now were paying 8 euro for like 7.23 minutes at an internet cafe.

the rest of cannes was quite gorgeous, and i acquired more things there than i needed. since jer is coming tomorrow at 11 (YESSS!!! im so excited) im going to make him take half of my shit home. men love us here because we are so blonde but i told monica that no matter how blonde i am i will never be blonde as her. weve been hit on more times than i can count. monica just screams "NON GRAZI" at them and that usually takes care of it.

oh and i forgot to tell you how i was almost robbed in paris by a gypsy. yes a gypsy. the sneaky weasel woman was walking around the museum looking for idiots like me to scam. she had a gold ring and would swish it around in her hand and hide it and then all of a sudden whip it out and pretend to pick it up off the ground and say "is it yours?" she was like a magician. luckily i had monica. she grabbed me before i could lose my money and passport.

anywayyyyyyyyy, the rest of cannes was amazing and we loved it!! one night we took a bottle of peach champagne to the beach and watched the sunset it was quite fun and romantic. we also found an english bookstore that was charging 17 euro for paperback books that werent even bestsellers like lurlene mcdaniel novels it was so stupid. but i needed a book so badly that i just bought the thickest one i could find that wasnt a john grisham novel and slapped the money on the counter.

venice is gorg. and full of americans. even though its very tacky, i want to ride in a gondola because you HAVE to ride in a gondola when youre in venice. the fake bags are quite convincing here, but who wants a fake??

anyway, times a tickin and im runnin short on cash. love you and miss you. i miss taco bell badly. see you in the states!

NOW i just want to say that tomorrow is chanels birthday as you all know, and mom you get her some treats. and you give her a good sized handful of them. that fatso needs a little extra for her special day!!! IM SO EXCITED TO SEE JEREMY TOMORROWWWWWW!! i cant wait...this trip has put me way outside of my comfort zone a number of times and i have already felt like i want to come home but it gets better most of the times. i just hate hate hate haaaaaaaaaaaateeee my backpack. so much. and i dont like being smelly and without cute outfits. it really is terrible. next time i travel abroad will definitely be by a glamorous cruise ship or something of the like. (complete with expensive wine, burberry luggage and numerous chic outfits)

i have hardly done any damage shopping! im quite proud of myself!!!

lalalalalalalaaaaaaaa im just so happy to see jer!!!! tomorowwww at 11!!!

ok love you lots talk to you later


a common phrase Crazylegs and i used on this trip: "HOLY SHIT my backpack weighs as much as shaq!!!!!!"

never got that gondola ride. Crazylegs and JJ who have both been to venice before: "that's stoooooooopid. we don't want to do that." thanks, guys, thanks.

waiting at the train station in Venice for JJ


San Marco Square: Legs about to crush under the pressure of hideous backpacks

Grumps. San Marco with JJ.nice tshirt you tourist.

Eurocrazy- Paris/Cannes

June 6, 2008

yes found an internet cafe with normal keyboard. (by normal i mean american). we went to EURODISNEY (obvi) and it was awesome (obvi). little different, but overall really great. europeans don't understande the concept fo personal space though. and while in line for "Crush's Coaster" (not yet open in america!!!) a woman was practically licking my ears. i was extremely annoyed. and i got unexplainably agitated when buzz lightyear spoke french. but disney is so magical and wonderful no matter what!!!! :) just gotta hit up disney in asia and we'll have seen them all!
we travelled by train all day yesterday to cannes, on the french riviera. and we absolutely LOVE IT!!!! its so cute and quaint (and has wonderful shops!) we are still onle eating like bread cheese and water because we would rather spend $$ on clothes (another obvi) but its really not bad since we love bread and cheese and would be eating it if we were home anyway.

today we spent all morning on the beach it was glorious! and we were doused in spf 50. of course i didnt go in the water i hate going in the water. monica did. i fell asleep on my back and woke up facing two sets of naked boobies. YIKES. one oc them had abnormally large areolas. we got back to the apartment (which is a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, kitchen, living room, adorable little place i would love to LIVE in) and i have terrible and uneven sunburns in my armpits and on my belly. from where i didnt quite rub the sunscreen in. idiot self.

but now i am sitting in an internet cafe in cannes wearing a GU bulldogs oversize tshirt and no bra because my burns hurt.

we went shopping today!!!! :):):):):) it was so much fun. i bought a pair of shorts, grabbed my normal size without trying them on. i got them home and they were about 2 whole sizes too small!! i was confused and checked the tag, it said "US size: 4" i returned them and got "US size: 8" and we all know that in america my skinny ass is never a size 8. monica was appalled. hahahah i think its funny.

also bought a fab leather jacket!

love and miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love L

i didn't say anything about the train station that was really close to our apartment in cannes. everytime a train would arrive, a melody would play throughout the entire station. we heard it about every 4 minutes the whole time and we had the melody stuck in our heads for days. still do it sometimes. bah nah dah dah dah dah!

we found a shop called bathroom graffiti full of wonderful little things and bought matching hello kitty beach towels which were our lifesavers for the entire trip. now its a bath towel for Cleo.

ps that leather jacket is amazing! i get compliments on it all the time. HINT: WHEN IN EUROPE, BUY A LEATHER JACKET!

Pirates of the Caribbean (and my favorite disney staple: green goofy sucker)

Tower of Terror: take a gander at the top left

Just gettin a classic disney photo. frenchie girl gettin in our way

Horrid sunburn but perf life

Beautiful Cannes!

BFFs and peach wine on the beach!

Eurocrazy- London/Paris

the next set of blogs is going to be a bit of a time travel. you see, last summer Crazylegs and i toured Europe and we had a wonderful/terrible time. we were gone for 5 and a half weeks. 7 countries. 9 cities. 1 backpack each. and if you didn't know me or Crazylegs, we are not the type to travel lightly. wearing the same outfits over and over again was definitely NOT our idea of a good ol time. anyway, i wanted to dig back into my memory rolodex and share with you the e-mails i sent to family and friends when i was there. the original e-mails will be in black font, while my current commentary is in red. i hope you enjoy my adventures with Crazylegs. ciao!

June 2, 2008

hi!!!! we found an internet cafe in paris but the keyboard is reqlly different so hopefully you can figure out whar this email even says

we are having a lot of fun::: we got really tired and frustrated on our trek from london to ^ paris but the first thing ze saw qhen ze got off hte subway wqs the eiffel tower::: it waz really amazing!:: yesterday we went on a tour of the city then saw the eiffel tower light show at night: today we went to the louvre museum where aphrodite and the mona lisa reside:::i still cant figure outo why the ,ona lisa is the greatest painting in the zorld, it was small and she's kind of ugly: hahaha

everyone is pretty rude here; just like they say: we got called 'leetle bitches,' and most of the time as soon as we speak, people are snobby: our tour guide rolled his eyes when we told him we were going to disney in paris: but then he got nutella on his crisp white tshirt and i laughed he got really mad: jerk deserved it.

also last night (we are tryong to save money) we stole bread from our hotel: so gross: we zere afraid ze were going to get cqught: then we watched pirates of the cqribbean in french: it wasnt very good in french:

i reqlly like paris: except the crabby people: it kind of smells like pee here but it really is a bequtiful city:

tomorrow is disney:::::::!::

also i called sprint and they told me i cant text internationally. and before they told me i could. liars*::

and we have to cut our cannes trip short and booked a last minute hostel in venice on the night of the 10th becquse the train to venice fro,m cannes is 8 hours and we wouldnt hqve gotten there in time for the croaita boat if we left the 11th. monica is mad at ,e oops too bad

i ,iss you ill call when i can**

so,e days i want to co,e home but ,ostly im having fun!!:::

something you have to understand about me and monica (sorry, had to reveal your identity Crazylegs): we are the best of friends, but we are somehow able to piss each other off better than anyone else either of us knows. when we fight, ooooh, we fight. but we always make up. because that is what friends do.

that GOD FORSAKEN keyboard was literally impossible. the comma was where the "m" was supposed to be, the "q" was where the "a" was supposed to be, and i couldn't find the period or the exclamation point. it was so frustrating.

we ate a french restaurant that was supposed to be nice. 3 course meal. we didn't know what to order for dessert and the waiter suggested the strawberries. it was a bowl of jam. nasssssty. we called it STRAWBERRY SOUP! (our fave joke from the trip.)

something i forgot to include in my email: while on our tour of Paris, we were let off the bust at this little crowded market. there was an old woman in an apron standing on a wooden box bahh-ing like a goat. she was holding little toothpicks with cheese samples on them. Crazylegs and i live for cheese--especially the rare and delicious goat cheese. we got a sample from the old woman who bahh-ed in our faces some more. we were so excited about the sample. then as soon as it hit our tounges, we nearly spat it out. "ew," said Crazylegs, "it tastes like the inside of a goat." hahahahahha it was the most appalling cheese ever. and we had to endure the aftertaste in our mouths for the rest of the tour.

i also didn't describe our breif encounter with London. when our plane landed at Heathrow i had a MASSIVE panic attack. i was really lucky to have the seat next to me open (Crazylegs was in first class international, with a blanket and sleeping mask, dirty biotch). we landed and i turned on my phone and i freaked out because there wasn't any service. i started hyperventilating because i felt completely cut off from America. it was a scary feeling. anyway, i messed with the phone, and finally figured it out. i called JJ and started crying. i think i said, "i hate it here i want to come home." i'm such a big baby. this was all before i even got off the plane.

we were in London for a day and a half. saw Sex and the City (12 pounds for one ticket, meaning 24 dollars for a matinee! but totally worth it). my internal clock was all messed up and i wasn't hungry until after 24 hours of being there. our beds had dirty sheets so we slept on towels and i started to really regret taking the trip. Crazylegs went a bit crazy and said she might just stay in Europe after the trip instead of going home. she didn't. phew. the street fashion was phenom, and the red phone booths were a blast!

Classic London

Me and Mona. didn't know i had a bird living in my hair.

Sphinxy at the Louvre

Just being funny at the Louvre Museum

Being a hunchback at Notre Dame

Had to be cliche with The Eiffel Tower!

Me and Crazylegs where we tasted the inside of a goat
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