the receptionist who covers my lunch breaks (think big. like REAL BIG. sweat pants. crocs. redneck.) is full of unsolicited advice. i mean full. FULL TO THE BRIM. she told me before my break, "now, ima gonna use yer intranet to look up the recipe fer caramel corn." i was like "oh cool. be my guest."
when i got back, trying to be nice and make conversation, i said, "so, did you find your recipe for the caramel corn?" she said, "yup. here it is. brown sugar, black syrup and butter." i was like "whoa, that's how you make caramel? that's interesting." she said, "hunny, it's easy. alls ya need is the recipe." i MADE A MISTAKE and said, "oh really? gosh, i wouldn't know, i'm terrible in the kitchen."
AND SHE WENT OFF ON A TANGENT AND I'M NOT KIDDING YOU THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID:
"hunny, here's what i tell all people who say they're not good in the kitchen: jus try the box meals. here's what ya do: ya go to the grocery store and buy a boxed macaroni and cheese, (OHMYGHOD IS SHE SERIOUS? LIKE, I KNOW HOW TO MAKE MACARONI AND CHEESE OUT OF A BOX YOU FOOL) and you cook that up. then you take a fryin pan and you spray it with pam. then you get yerself a nice piece of pork chop and put salt n pepper on each side and brown each side in the fryin pan for 4 minutes. then you just cook yerself up some bagged vegetables and you got yerself a nice healthy meal!"
OH REALLY?! is THAT how you stay so trim? by eating fried pork chop and boxed macaroni? thanks.