Sunday, February 28, 2010

a declaration of independence (of sorts)

friday night was a werid night for me and Rah. it started at a passions party. yes, a passions party. where they sold products called "anal ease" and "nipple slick" so clearly me and Rah laughed like hyenas. i asked Rah if i should buy the green anal beads for JJ, but she thought that might have been too much too soon.

we left early to go to the Chiefs game, whereinwich we obtained 2 beers each. we sat down in our seats and began our decent into pure, blissful chiefdom. not 20 minutes after we sat does Arlene, a burly woman in a horribly unflattering florescent yellow jacket walk up to us and request the proof of our age. she said, "some people were concerned about your age." so we embarrassingly had to give the woman our I.D.s in front of everyone who was staring at us. usually the florescent-yellow-jacket-people kick fans out for rowdy alcholic behavior, so it was really odd and uncomfortable for her to card us. but whatever, we shook off the incident and continued to have fun.

after the game it was only 10 o'clock so we decided to pop into Jack and Dan's for a Frank's Special before heading home. we waltzed in still excited about the Chief's victory and the free chalupas we got because they scored 5 goals. we sat down and the bartender came up to us wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and a TIE (IN A COLLEGE BAR!!!) and told us that we were too drunk for him to serve us. WHAATTT?!?! we were like, "are you serious?? why? because we are too loud and happy to look sober? really???" in college there was many a time when we were served drinks 3 sheets to the wind. WHAT GIVES? so basically the guy told us we had to leave. SO EMBARR. off to the bar across the street we went. where a man who looked like Jesus wearing a purple shirt with Stewie on it let us pick the specials menu for the night. then we ate a bowl of popcorn. then we went home.

but we were mad. as 23 year old women, we should have the right to a. sit down at a hockey game and have a couple of beers, and b. sit down in a bar and order a drink. we were not drunk! why did everyone seriously think we were 17-year-old high school girls who were wasted?? like, sorry we are too yong looking and loud and crazy for you. but REALLY, Arlene and Asshole Bartender In A Tie, come into my home on a random wednesday night and observe me dancing to the Beastie Boys in my snakeskin printed granny panties. and please, go right on over Rah's house after, and watch her as she talks to her dogs and runs around the house in her fiance's socks. i'm sorry we are not two timid idiot girls who whisper and giggle quietly and order motherfudging pina colada. we are loud and fun and have a good time. SHAME ON YOU JACK AND DAN'S FOR BEING RUDE AND JUDGEMENTAL. YOU HAVE FOREVER LOST MY BUSINESS AND MY RESPECT. (lies) AND AS FOR ARLENE? well, that horrid jacket is probably punishment enough.

in any case, THIS ONE'S FOR ALL THE Ls AND RAHs OUT THERE. THE GIRLS WHO ARE WILD AND CRAZY (AND HEY, MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE NUTS) EVEN WHEN STONE COLD SOBER. WE WANT OUR RIGHTS AND OUR FREEDOM, AND MAYBE IF YOU'RE LUCKY WE WILL KARAOKE BROOKS AND DUNN FOR YOU. BUT IN THE NAME OF GOD AND GEORGE WASHINGTON AND ALSO CAMERON DIAZ AND CHRISTINA APPLEGATE (circa "The Sweetest Thing" they were weird and sober and great. click here to see the preview), SERVE US A FUDGING DRINK!

5 comments:

  1. As another wild crazy, fun blonde bad ace biotch... I too frequently get kicked out or cut off at establishments. I usually deserve it, but nothing angers me faster then when I know I dot. Like buddy... you ain't seen nothing yet!

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  2. Look on the bright side - My 24th birthday was the first time ever I did not get carded and I almost cried - perhaps you should enjoy your youth while you still have it.

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  3. Yes. Enjoy the carding whilst it lasts. The last time I got carded was circa 2006 [41 years young]. I think the gal at Safeway was just being nice, bless her heart. BTW, two beers b4 the sit down is brilliant! You've obsiously a pro.

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  4. believe it or not... i've never been kicked out or cut off. even though there was a good 2 year period where i over served every time i entered a bar. apparently i'm quite reserved whilst under the influence, ha!

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  5. I get carded every time I buy beer at Target or Costco and I definitely do NOT look under 21. I look, maybe, 23 or so... The last time I was carded at Costco I didn't have my license with me, just my Costco card and on the back it says I've been a member since 1986, which is more than 21 years... the clerk said, "how do I know it's you") BECAUSE THAT'S MY PICTURE, SILLY B$#**&!

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