Monday, February 22, 2010

The Hot Mama

PN came up to me this morning bragging once again about the cruise she's going on with her daughter and son-in-law. only this time she said, "i finally got a bathing suit for my cruiseeeee!" and i was like "ooh, cool. what does it look like?!" she said, "it's an old lady swimsuit and its black and goes down to my thighs and has a white bow on the front. it's from fred meyer." and i said, "OOH, HOT MAMA!" to be nice plus it was really funny in my head bc obvs she's not a hot mama. and she blushed and said, "oh stop. but really, i used to be a hot mama." then she paused and looked thoughtfully up in the air and ran-waddled away. two minutes she came back waving a picture in my face. and there she was. PN's old license. 5'3" 125 pounds. (because obviously i looked) OMG. PN WAS A HOT MAMA. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO LOOK LIKE WHEN I AGE?? IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE PN I DON'T WANT TO BE OLD. EVER. EVER. EVER.

5 comments:

  1. I have the awful feeling tht the poop Nazi looks a lot like I do. When I was your age I weighed 103, was pretty skinny but never did have stick legs. If you follow the family trait you too will plump up and walk with a waddle. Unless of course you become a marathoner like your mother... I DON'T THINK THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN!

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  2. poignant and funny. oh jesus, mary and joseph i laughed. welcome to the great beyond [21].

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  3. yikes! 103 and 120? i don't even weigh that much now. i'm very much doomed to obesity and wrinkles because i tan too. dammit!

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  4. Jesus people. I was 100lbs as a 10 yr old. GIGANTIC child. If I am ever 120, I think someone should check me into rehab. Please.

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