Saturday, February 6, 2010

i will not die by choking on tums.

if you know me, you are aware that i keep a costco-sized tums container (berry flavors--NOT citrus) next to my bed. because most nights i have a stomach ache before bed. i pop a coupla tums and i'm feeling 100% in no time. the only problem is i have to sneak the tums. i have to sneak them like i imagine drug lords sneak in cocaine to the U.S. from columbia. BECAUSE IF I GET CAUGHT BY JJ EATING A TUMS IN BED, HE TOTALLY FREAKS OUT. like he panics and makes me sit up and chew and swallow them. he is afriad my death will be by choking on tums while laying down in bed. like he doesn't worry about me driving, or chopping onions or running outside to chase Cleo barefoot...he worries about me eating tums in bed. COME ON JJ, i'm 23, not 7. i can handle chewing on a tums or two in bed.

well the other night he made salmon and gnocchi for dinner. obvious stomach ache for me. so i had two tums right before bed. i was laying there, and i reached over and grabbed them so quietly, you'd think i was a super sleuth. i placed the two tums ever so gently and delicately into my mouth. i took a peek at JJ, he was watching Jay Leno intensely. so i sucked on the tums for a couple of minutes, then i laughed at something Jay said. and wouldn't you know it? one of the soggy tums slid down my throat and i coughed and wheezed. i sat up and JJ whipped his head around to face me. he said L, WAS THAT YOU CHOKING ON A TUMS?!?!?!? and i said no, it was me choking on my own saliva. he was like DON'T LIE TO ME!!! and i was all ok FINE yes, i choked for like, 1 second on a tums. SORRY, GHOD. CALM DOWN. so he made me sit up and finish chewing it. only i tricked him and pretended to chew. out of pure principle. i mean, it's so ridiculous that he gets all freaked out about me eating tums in bed. IT'S SO WEIRD. like just let me fix the acid and gas in my stomach in peace, PLEASE. so i tricked him. and i snuggled into bed, one soggy tum still in my mouth. and 3 minutes later when i took my first small bite, he just screamed my name, "L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

well, i'm sorry but that's what you get for bossing me. no one bosses me.

1 comment:

  1. That is the funniest thing EVER--that he is afraid you'll choke on Tums!!!!!


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