Monday, March 29, 2010

gambling and me

saturday night was BIG NIGHT OUT for me. Rah and i accompanied her mother and grandmother to the Kenny G concert at the casino.

things learned about Kenny G

1. Kenny G weighs 130 pounds.
2. Kenny G maintains his curls unbelievably well.
3. Kenny G once held his breath for 45 minutes and 47 seconds.
4. Kenny G's fans are mostly old. Rah and i were the only ones there in the 20-30 age group.
5. Kenny G still has a saxophone he got when he was 12.

we got to the casino and immediately noticed that in order to fit in with the general flow of the place we would have needed to wear: blue jeans with tennis shoes and a wet seal "going out" top. damn.

we had a while until the concert started so we sat down at some slot machines. now, let me tell you about the two times in life i have ever gambled...

gambling experience #1:

twas the eve of my 18th birthday and my father wanted to take me to a casino. the caribbean casino in yakima to be exact. this casino is literally painted pink and turquoise and has neon palm trees stuck to the side of the building. it is appalling. like the tackiest building you have ever seen in life. here's a visual:



anyway, since it was my birthday, my dad gave me $100. i sat down at the black jack table and during the first hand the dealer yelled at me for setting my hands too close to his cards.

3 minutes later.

me: "dad. all of my money is gone."
dad: "well, that's gambling!!!"
me: "no seriously dad. i just lost $100 in 3 minutes. how is that real?"
dad: "L, that's what gambling is."
me: "I WANT MY MONEY BACK DAMN IT. I COULD HAVE BOUGHT A NEW OUTFIT WITH THAT MONEY."
dad: "too bad."
me: "GET ME THE FUDGE OUT OF HERE."

and i never went back to that trashy establishment.

gambling experience #2:

family vacation in Costa Rica in August of 2007. my cousins and my dad and my uncles and i all went to a casino where Latin hookers stood outside and tapped on the windows all night. clearly we did not use American money. i did not know anything of Costa Rican currency. therefore, when my screen read "ganas" which is Spanish for "you win" i totally freaked and cashed out. i was so happy. i cashed out and coins flooded out of the machine and into my cup and hands. everyone was staring at me jealously. i triumphantly walked to the counter and said, "i'd like this in American dollars please." the woman gave me $3.50. THREE DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!? it was a penny machine. a GOD DAMN COSTA RICAN PENNY MACHINE.

needless to say, at the casino on saturday night, i gambled a whole of $7. it was lost completely. but we did get free diet cokes for playing.

i mean, who cares, 7 dollars is like nothing. except that it's not. it's seven dollars. i could have bought something with 7 dollars.

the profound difference between having a shopping addiction and having a gambling addiction: WHEN THE MONEY IS GONE, I WILL HAVE CLOTHES. THE GAMBLER WILL HAVE NOTHING BUT A FULL BLADDER FROM THE FREE DIET COKES.

3 comments:

  1. I completely agree! At least you lost the first time so it turned you away from the activity. I won $20 at legends and then $250 in Vegas the first time I went. I literally thought everyone wins everytime, except those stupid people who don't know when to stop. WRONG! I lost my ass in Vegas this last time. I could have bought a new handbag with that $$$!

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  2. Remember that creepy man that kept giving Anna and me money to gamble away? It ended up being like $400 or something! He said we could keep playing if we would go and hang out on his boat the next day...We made up stories of where we were from and where we were staying because he freaked us out but we wanted to keep playing!

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  3. my mom's friend won $58,000 at legends earlier this week. no joke. some people are lucky, i'm not one of them.

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