Friday, April 16, 2010

the truth about raisins

it begins:

i was selected along with 10 of my other coworkers to participate in an accreditation peer review this week. basically we all got a free salmon lunch at work and had to answer questions about RW. of course i was well-spoken and said only the nicest things. but i was the only person not wearing a uniform of sorts. i was also the only one not wearing my RW nametage (surprised?) and i'm the only one who went to college.

and OHMYGOD my first bite of salmon i got bone. i got salmon bone in my mouth. and i gagged a little. and the custodian to my right turned and stared at me while i pulled the bone out of my mouth and put it on my plate. after the meal, dessert came. and the dessert had raisins in it. i scrunched my nose the tiniest bit and pushed my plate to the side. you see, i'm allergic to raisins...and many of my readers get annoyed when i say that i am allergic to raisins...

which leads me to the story

i was but a wee little girl at the ripe age of 4. i had a plastic precious moments ballerina dish set. (i.e. plate, mug, fork, spoon) and i filled my mug with sun-maid raisins. and i ate them all in front of the TV while watching sesame street. when the mug was empty i snuck into the kitchen and refilled. and i ate them all.

then i was puking and diarrhea-ing until the sun went down. and i have never eaten a raisin since. i mean who wants an old wrinkly grape anyway?

in conclusion, it's always easier to say "no thanks, i'm allergic to raisins" at a work luncheon than it is to say "no thanks, raisins give me the squirts."


there she is. that dirty bitch in the red sun bonnet.

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