OMG i forgot to tell you a story. tonight we were eating my boss CPG's wonderful tasty white bean chili that is literally to die for. i was smartly eating it on the ground and ol Dumbo (i.e. JJ. fun fact: his favorite movie from childhood is Dumbo. i hated Dumbo. i mean his mom dies. and who likes the circus? NO ONE) anyway Dumbo was eating his chili on the WHITE COUCH. and i have told him time and time again that his toddler self is not allowed to eat things like CHILI on the white couch. he doesn't listen ever. he was taking a big bite when all of a sudden he just dropped his bowl. just dropped the damn thing. and it spilled of course all over the white couch. i inhaled sharply and he interrupted my angry exhale with, "i've got it, L. i've got it." and so i put on my skullcandy headphones and watched hulu while he tried to clean. i took deep breaths and tried to remind myself that it was his Birthday Eve, i should be nice and not yell at/make fun of him. but then i looked over and he was struggling to get the covers off the cushions. and he was moving so slow and half-assed. and i watched him struggle for like 3 more minutes without being successful and i tried. i really tried to ignore the obvious and awful chili stain that was quickly setting into my white couch. i gave him 1 more minute then i lost my cool. i threw down my headphones and stood up and heavily sighed. and stomped over to the couch and took the covers off myself. and i looked at him and i said, "i'm sorry but i literally HAVE to call you an Absolute Idiot" and he looked at the ground and said, "i know." and then i felt bad and i just wanted to hug him because it was so sad because when someone looks at the ground in defeat, without so much as a "SHUT UP ASSHOLE" it's just human nature to just automatically feel bad. so i was like "OK i'm sorry. i'm not annoyed anymore, just make sure you oxy clean max force spray the stain before putting it in the washer." and he said, "ok and i put one cup of bleach in right?"
i (barely audibly) whispered, "no JJ. one cap. one CAP full of bleach."