Tuesday, May 25, 2010

LJ's jammin weekend

got to Seattle on friday at 3:30. LJ and friend R picked me up. and then LJ's car died and we had to ask a crusty man in an old station wagon who had a band-aid on his neck and a weiner dog in his front seat to give us a jump start. i mean WHY couldn't we have gotten a dad in a Lexus??!?!?!?!?

we went to happy hour where we met KKiss and had some delish appetizers and hard apple cider. then we went to LJ's apartment where KitKat met up with us and we had a gaggle of fun sitting around drinking wine and chatting.

the next morning we met up with Sam and LJ's sisters/mom and went to watch the Last Wedding Dress Fitting. and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. LJ looks bomb.com in the dress and her sappy fiance AND father will cry like a coupla babies. awww

then we trekked on over to Whidbey Island for the shower. LJ got lots o' things and did the mandatory "oh, wow! thanks so much this is faaaabulous!" comments after opening each gift. and i wrapped the champagne glasses i got her in a target cereal box.

we had too many daquaris at the shower of course! then we went on a wild goose chase to buy last-minute bach gifts for the bride-to-be. and i felt COMPLETELY inadequate after LJ opened up 368 boxes of VS lingerie and i tossed her the wadded up panties i got her at kmart.

we ghetto'd up for the bars and LJ came out looking like this:


her sisters had put her in: a white sweatsuit with "MILLER'S BITCH" screen-printed on the back in Old English Text. the pink tank top had a rhinestone penis on it and the hat...OH THAT HAT!!! had a rhinestone "B" on it with a veil attached to the back. the outfit was completed with a pair of pink high top nikes. HAHAHAHAH it was absolutely HILAR.

once i got into costume, i felt ready to party. i was supposed to be gwen stefani but turned out more gang-banger. and OHMYGOD every single time i would walk by a mirror i would be like "YIKES YOU'RE SO SCARRRRRY" and even big strong Italian-looking men would flee from my path as we walked in the bar. i tell ya, the things red lipstick and a black beanie can do. WOWZA.

the bar is whereinwhich Sam and i downed a flask of vodka in the bathroom and also where i met my biggest blog fan for the first time. (!!!) she gave me a hug and we danced and i felt cool and she dared me to mingle around with my hoodie undone. and my triangle bikini top was hanging out and STILL the big strong Italian-looking men avoided me. i think they were afraid i might blow a cap in their ass, no? you decide for yourself: HOW SCARY AM I!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!


that's Sam next to me. she's Eve. you know, Gwen & Eve, let me blow ya mind video??

anyway, we danced and partied and LJ stepped over the line when she tried to fudge with the DJ's music. oh and also she stood up on a table and started dancing and got in trouble for that too. LJ's drunk alter ego is a girl named Tanya. she's absolutely insane.

we woke up the next morning and went to a burger joint for breakfast then went back to LJ's apartment to retell the tales from the ghetto bachelorette party. i got to Spoke around 4 and forgot when i parked the car so i pressed the panic button and found it.

whew!

6 comments:

  1. i agree. tanya is absolutely insane when drunk:)

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  2. The Grinch Belly looks good there. You also look like white trash

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  3. I am your biggest fan. As a sat laughing stupidly at my desk reading your latest entries--my coworker asked me if I had been drinking before work--I replied "No, I'm reading my favorite blog"--she asked me to forward. Then she started laughing. Now she is a fan. Your welcome :)

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  4. TRASHY! Love it. Sounds like a great weekend!!

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  5. yes! jen keep em coming!!! xx

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  6. Great so basically my whole office is going to start reading your blog! Better keep it pg.

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