i. hate. the. neighbor. kids. the idiots kicked their ball and it knocked over our "BBQ" (it's a hibachi grill. JJ calls it a BBQ) and all the ash went flying everywhere. assholes.
and they must have been digging in their mother's garden, because the other night, circa 4:30 a.m., i heard a hard spraying noise directed towards our bedroom. so i sloppily lurched out of bed, angry and ugly, to investigate. sure enough, the underground sprinkler system for the children's mother's garden was dug up and one end of the hose was literally pointed in the direction of our bedroom. full blast right at our house. and another one was pointed at a neighbor's house. so i hunkered down and pointed the sprinkler hose away from our house. and as i was being a good citizen/neighbor/person, and pointing the other sprinkler hose away, the slippery little shit slinked out of my hands and fell to the ground, simultaneously pointing itself at my crotch/butthole area. so basically i got a free enema. and it shocked the living hell out of me. so i screamed a curse word and ran into the house looking like a drowned river rat. JJ sat up and was like what happened to you?? and i just screamed and ripped off my soaking wet pajamas. i put on fresh flannel pants and jumped into bed, shivering sharply for extra effect. JJ put his arms around me and called me his "little macgyver."