ok so JJ is very anal about his new car. SO ANAL. he's like "get your feet off the dash L! stop twisting all the knobs, L you'll break them" blah blah blah. and my dad is the same way about his car which is so infinitely annoying. well i went to target and found something that made me want to pee with glee. like literally the best thing i have seen in a long time. and priced at under $4.50, i couldn't pass it up.
CHEESEBALLS! made of nothing but sodium, chemicals and fat! how glorious! the thing about the cheeseballs is when you grab a handful, sometimes it's a little too big. you know what i mean? like you want all the cheeseballs in the world that will fit into your hand so you grab as many as you can at once (akin to Gus on Cinderella...you know when he tries to pick up all those cheese chunks?? and what happens??? he is overzealous and the cheese cubes go flying everywhere and he doesn't even get one chunk) that's what happened with said too-generous-of-a-handful-of-cheeseballs...we were headed to the lake, and i just HAD to grab that handful before we even left. and all 14 of them popped out of my hand and spread their orange powdery goodness amongst the backseat of JJ's brand new car. i cursed myself for the hateful handful i took, and moved quickly to rectify my mistake. there were flying cheeseballs all over the place as i hastily threw them out of the car. and just when i thought i had gotten them all...>CRUNCH< oh motherfudge. i missed one. and there it is now.....all smashed beneath my right knee. so i scurried and tried to pick up the miniscule pieces when i heard his footsteps behind me. i just smiled, slung my arm over the car door and said casually, "heyyyy JJ, ready to go to the lake?" he saw beyond my cool facade and said, "what L? why are you acting weird?" and then.... "OH, WELL DAMMIT L. COME ON. WE HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT THE DRIVEWAY YET!!! AND BY THE WAY YOU HAVE CHEESE POWDER ON YOUR CHIN." i interjected and said "well you were the one that opened them up last night! i just wanted a little taste." he said, "A LITTLE TASTE?!?! A LITTLE TASTE?!?! there are cheeseballs EVERYWHERE L, there was no 'little' involved." i said, "well, i....OK I'M SORRY I GOT CHEESEBALL PUFF EVERYWHERE IN YOUR CAR. I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO TRY THEM I GRABBED LIKE A HUNDRED AND THEY FLEW OUT OF MY HANDS. sorry."
so heed my warning fair friends. if you see those wretchedly delicious cheeseballs in the chip aisle of your favorite target store, please do, go ahead and buy them they are worth every penny, but take a nice ladylike handful, one that will not destroy your husband's car or your usual, most-lovely grandeur.