mysterious bruises

i eternally have a bruise on one of my thighs. it's an issue. even in our wedding pictures where my leg is showing, there is a hint of black and blue. i've always thought it was part of my slight anemia that made me bruise easily, but yesterday as i was putting on my party dress for dinner, i noticed the 3 bruises on my right leg and the 4 on my left. the one on the top of my left hand and one more on my right wrist. THAT'S TOO MANY OMG!

now, i'm not a CRAZY HYPOCHONDRIAC LIKE MY HUSBAND (too soon to laugh JJ??) or anything, but i immediately thought back to my Lurlene McDaniels novels...now, if you haven't read a Lurlene McDaniels novel, than you weren't ever a real teenage girl. the books are hopelessly awful stories about young people falling in love and dying. here is an example of one:



as i stared at my bruises, i thought back to the Lurlene McDaniel novel where the girl notices bruises all over her body and goes to the doctor and he's like "sorry 15-year-old girl with so much life left to live, but you have Leukemia." so i panicked and i was like OHMYGOD MOM WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!??!!? WHAT IF I HAVE LEUKEMIA?!?!?!!?" and my mom was all "don't be dramatic L, you're fine, do you have any other symptoms of Leukemia?" and i said, "well i DON'T KNOW what the other symptoms are!!!" and i meant to google them but we were running out of time and i had to put on my crown.

so anyway, this morning i was thinking about my bruises and i just think something isn't quite right since i have bruises all over me body! (said in pirate accent) i was doing laundry as i was pondering this, and i leaned over, careful not to hit myself on the opened cupboard door, when WHACK my left bicep ran RIGHT INTO the cupboard. MORTHERFUDGER. IT HURT. and now i have yet another bruise.

and now i don't think it's a matter of terminal illness, but in fact a result of poor depth perception after a night of heavy drinking--in fact not even heavy drinking--one glass will do the trick to ruin my life. i need to stop drinking. or maybe i will grab a glass of wine and google "Leukemia" ...