the other afternoon i got off work at 3:30. which is the perfect time for a nap, is it not?????? but i would have felt pretty worthless if i took at nap. so instead i plugged in the curling iron and decided to do my hair. well obviously i'm not going to stand in the bathroom and wait for the iron to heat up. so i popped onto the couch and cracked open a book.
the next thing i know it's 5:15 p.m. and JJ is barrelling through the door like the Spanish Inquisition all hungry and annoying and ready to party. i was like "OMG I'M SLEEPING SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" and he huffed away. then just as i was settling back into slumber, he screams like a girl from the other room. "L HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT THE CURLING IRON IN THE SINK!?!!!?" and before you go yelling at me for not remembering Highlights magazine and the Goofus and Gallant section where Goofus leaves electronics on near water and you're supposed to learn a lesson and say "OH NO GOOFUS YOU CAN'T DO THAT," just let me tell you that we have ZERO counter space in our hole of a bathroom. ZERO. so i make sure the sink is dry and i turn on the curling iron and put it in the sink to heat up. when JJ and i first moved in together he like thought i was trying to commit suicide and was all worried that i never learned the Goofus and Gallant lesson as a child. anyway, it's a convenience thing. NO BIG DEAL.
back to the moment: JJ is screaming at me. and i'm like "WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL!??!!?" and he's all L, I JUST PICKED UP YOUR CURLING IRON TO MOVE IT OUT OF THE SINK SO I COULD WASH MY HANDS" and i was like "ok, so....?" and he says, "WELL IT BURNED MY HAND!!!!!!!!!" and i said, "WHOA WHOA WHOA.....ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU GRABBED THE CURLING IRON BY THE SILVER HOT BARREL?!?!?! SORRY DUDE, THAT IS 100% YOUR OWN FAULT. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU'RE NEVER SUPPOSED TO GRAB THE SILVER PART OF THE CURLING IRON OMG!!!!" and then he said, "WELL WHY IN THE HELL IS THE CURLING IRON ON ANYWAY!?!?!" and then i had to admit that, well, i was going to curl my hair then i fell asleep on the couch for two hours instead. he was thoroughly irritated with me and even more irritated that i didn't apologize for the burn. but seriously. he grabbed the SILVER HOT BARREL COME ONNNNNNNNNNN that is NOT my faullllllt.
later that evening he was still sulking but agreed to make us popcorn so we could watch Seinfeld in bed while enjoying a treat. i climbed into bed to wait for him and then i heard a faint yelp from the kitchen. JJ came back dramatically limping into the room and i asked him what the problem was this time and he said, "one of the hot popcorn kernels fell on the ground and i stepped on it and burned my foot." so i put my hand over my mouth and took a few deep breaths. it was all i could do not to burst into happy tears of laughter. pooooooooor JJ, so i held back the laughter and rubbed burt's bees banana cream on his burns. and said "i'm so sorry about your burns, and i'm so sorry i left the curling iron on in the sink and that you stupidly grabbed the silver hot barrel with your bare hand. i love you." and i coddled him until he was satisfied.
i'm such a nice wife.