JJ and i went to target together. which is a very rare experience. i love him, but we absolutely can't shop together. among MANY reasons, including his impatience in the women's clothing department, (he times me. gives me literally 45 seconds), this is an example of the NUMBER ONE REASON I CAN'T GO SHOPPING WITH MY HUSBAND:
i have a strategy at target. like, don't mess with my target habits. i go on a very specific route, and i don't like when it's tampered with. in the food section i get the same things every time. INCLUDING: 2 boxes of market pantry brand granola bars that are chocolate chip and peanut butter flavored. and i love them. i eat one each day. so i grabbed the two boxes and put them in the cart.
...fast forward to checkout...
as we are loading things onto the conveyor belt, i only see one box of my market pantry brand chocolate and peanut butter granola bars. "JJ WHERE IS MY OTHER BOX?!?!?" "what are you talking about?" i said again, calmly "JJ. I HAD 2 BOXES OF MY FAVORITE GRANOLA BARS HERE, WHERE IS THE OTHER BOX?!?!" and he said, "i don't know what could have happened to it L, i only see one box, are you sure you didn't only grab one?" i mean REALLY?! he is going to question my pathological and strategical treks through target!?!?!? "I GRABBED TWO BOXES JJ, GHOD!!!!!!!!" then i gave him my snake eye look while i slid my card through the payment machine. that's when i spotted a box of fiber one bars. BUSTED. because i would never buy fiber one bars. because they wash out my stomach faster than i can finish eating one. and NO ONE wants that in the car on the way to work.
so as i was pushing the cart out to the car i said, "I KNOW YOU SWITCHED ONE OF MY BOXES FOR THE STUPID FIBER ONE BARS" and he was all nonchalant about it, "oh yeah, i totally forgot i did that, it took me a while to figure it out." "LIES!!!! YOU KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME YOU ASS!"
and just yesterday we were taking Cleo for a walk on a trail through the forest. and every 5 seconds I'M NOT KIDDING YOU, JJ would let a monster-sized fart that would echo through the trees. and i got so annoyed like COME ON, CONTROL YOURSELF YOU DO NOT NEED TO FART THAT MUCH. and he was like "i'm sorry.....it's the fiber one bars"
aslkdfjflsklakdfsdfs ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?