i went home for a few days for my dad's birthday. and very conveniently my sister MM had a volleyball game an hour away that of course i was delighted to attend. my parents always drive my Pap (dad's dad). and Pap is a funny, funny man. here is the perfect story to represent his demeanor:
Pap has a BIG big hard belly. when my little cousin S was 4, he asked Pap a very reasonable question: "Pap you gotta baby in there?" to which Pap replied, "shut the hell up you jackass."
there are a lot of funny stories like the one above. and during the car ride home from the volleyball game, this one happened. my mom doubted that my readers would think this story was funny, but i wanted to capture Pap in his truest form and share him with you. he is one funny man, and i hope that his personality will shine through during the story so you can understand how truly funny it really was:
my mom suggested that we stop for dessert at McDonald's so we all ordered mcflurries. except for Pap. Pap ordered a quarter-pounder with cheese.
so we all munched away happily. after about 12 bites, i realized that my allergy to milk would not be pleasant for my fellow carmates, so i offered my dessert to Pap, who was already finished with his quarter-pounder with cheese. he said, "HUH? i don't know, what the hell is it?" as he was grabbing it out of my hands, and i said "a mcflurry...like a blizzard. it's ice cream with recess peanut butter cups in it."
and you know how the spoon on a mcflurry is weird?
like the top is open and hollow so the mcd's employees can attach it to the mcflurry machine and mix up the candy in your ice cream. you know right???
well no sooner had Pap snatched the treat out of my hands, he was sucking on the top of the spoon. my dad and i instantly fell into a FIT of giggles WE COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING at Pap, but Pap just kept sucking the spoon. finally he said, "what the hell is wrong with this? are you guys playing a joke on me?" to which my dad and i laughed harder. Pap kept sucking. so my dad says, "NO PAP you dumbass, you're sucking the spoon!" and we laughed some more. and Pap says, "now why in the hell would they make a spoon that looks like a straw?" and dad and i laughed until our stomachs hurt.
two minutes later we heard the sound of the mcflurry spoon scraping the bottom of the empty cup. oh, Pap.