i went to my new target yesterday. and it was quite the ordeal. because being introduced to a new target is like being assimilated into Antarctican culture. it's really that big of a deal. the men's clothes are where the groceries should be, the toiletries are where the children's toys should be and the home goods are where the shoes should be. it's really quite overwhelming. so i got dressed up for the experience. after all, it IS a new target, and i wanted to make a good impression. yesterday was bully awareness day and everyone was supposed to wear purple so i picked my beautiful navy and plum silk blouse to wear tucked into my j brand jeans with gray bootie heels. adorbs. and Cleo came with me inside my purse. we strolled the aisles, taking note of the new placement of our favorite items, and figured out where the women's clothing sale rack is (!!!)
as we were browsing through the toothbrush aisle, i remembered i needed some shower gel. and everyone knows you don't just go and buy the same shower gel every time. you need time to make the decision. time to open the caps of the ones that look appealing and give them the smell test to see if they meet your desire. and then you have to see if the Caress one that you love comes in the target up & up brand for .60 cents cheaper. well i did that. and it was fun. i mean who doesn't like the wonderful experience of picking out a new shower gel!?!?!?
i grabbed a particularly soft and luxurious looking Oil of Olay (with moisture ribbons!!!) that was pink off the shelf. i opened it to give it the smell test when all of a sudden pink goop was on my nose and lips and dripping down on my navy and plum silk blouse. ksdfjkldsjfkldsafjlkasdfj ldkghjorweijfdk MOTHERFUDGE. i had made the all-too-common mistake of squeezing a teensy bit too hard. so there i was. standing in the new target, looking idiotic as ever in my nice try-to-impress outfit covered in pink goop. i went to the pharmacy and asked for some paper towels. i dabbed at my face and blouse and tried to collect myself, but i was so embarrassed. i had made a fool of myself in my new target. damn.
after i cleaned up, i realized something magnificent: the tip of my nose and my lips were as soft as butter!!! i quickly realized that this was some SERIOUS SHOWER GEL OMG! so i grabbed the up & up brand of the Oil of Olay moisture ribbon pink goop shower gel and threw it in my cart. and i took a shower this morning using it.
and i never would have known if i was a normal person who didn't make a pink good mess of herself. sometimes i just have to be thankful for my stupidity.