Monday, November 8, 2010

actually, no. today sucked.

rmbr when i wrote how great my day was going to be? REMEMBER BITCHES!?!?!?

well here is why is wasn't:

1. i had a majah breakdown this afternoon. unluckily enough, right after i ordered myself a Christmas present online for JJ to give me to (because let's face it--i can't take another god damn chocolate candle or pair of work-out shorts), i realized the dire state of our bank account. and i panicked and fell off my white horse. so i texted JJ and he gave me this solid advice, "stop writing and find a job then. and maybe we should move to a cheaper apartment" I MEAN REALLY JJ. REALLY. then i called my dad. and i was like "daaaaaaadddd i'm so brokeeeeee and i'm unemployyyyeeeeddd" and he was like "why hello L, i'm just hanging up Christmas lights" and i was like "what? you're doing what? wahhhhhh!!!!" and my dad was like "it's real fudgin jolly around here! but we miss you." and i just cried. because he was so full of holiday spirit. i wanted to be there.

2. after the sad convo with dad i walked into the kitchen to make marinara sauce. and as i was chopping the onions i was forced to cry. so i cried. then i called my mom and i said, "mommmmmmm i'm just---soo sad. life is---so--=difficult. i just hate it-----hereeeeee wahhhhhhhh i'll neverrrr-----gettt a joooooobbbbbbb." and my mom was like "it's ok, L, you'll find something, and there are people out there much worse off than you." and well, since i was already crying i threw it in there, "mom, i even talked to dad....and he's hanging up Christmas liiiiiiights.....and i'm soooo-----soooo sad, i want--to be there----for thaaaaaat waaaah" and my mom said, "L, you stop it. i know you hate hanging up the damn Christmas lights as much as i do. now stop it." and i just kept crying and whining. then she suggested i should go for a run. i was like fudge no GOTTA GO BYE.

3. in addition to this:

the chewed computer cord that was All Cleo's Fault, you see that? the duct tape holding my cord together?!?! computer now looks like this:

see that boo boo? my computer chipped. like the exterior of it broke. and i don't even know how it happened. so obvs i blame Cleo. but i can see all my comp's guts. all the hardware and wonderful things that make it go. so i fashioned a bandage for it. but i'm so sad, because my comp is showing signs of age and it's soooo very sadddd.

4. i was eating my spaghetti and garlic toast for dinner. i was sitting on the floor watching TV with JJ (no spaghetti-eating on the white couch, OBVIOUSLY), and i leaned over to take a drink of my water, my last piece of perfect, buttery toast between my thumb and pointer finger, when Cleo walks up to me and takes the said toast right out of my hand and walks away. i shouted after her YOU STUPID BITCH LEARN HOW TO SAY THANK YOU.

5. after my mandatory glass of wine to solve all the day's Horrible Things, i snuggled deep down into bed. i was just settling down into perfect comfort when i was rudely interrupted BY JJ'S DOG POO RETAINER BREATH IN MY FACE.


since then i have: received a book "On Writing" by Stephen King from Moon in the mail, put on a cleansing face mask, written this blog, brushed my teeth and regained my confidence. i'm back on the beautiful white horse of opportunity. just had a low point, or rather a low four hours. i am calm and (re)collected.

and i have a really great Christmas present "from JJ" coming in the mail.


  1. you make me out frickin loud. Not that your bad day was funny. But on a serious note...have you used to get a nanny job? I've gotten 2 great paying jobs from that site. give it a whirl...if you wanna be a nan.

  2. no i haven't! thank you dear, i will check that shit out!


  4. At least you turned to wine like all smart women having a bad day do. Wine is truly the curer of all things.

    Good call on picking your own Christmas present because my birthday is the day after tomorrow and I'm 99% sure that my husband is still "brainstorming ideas" on what to get me...


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